


A Magpie in the Laurel

by beautysupreme



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Bottom Negan (Walking Dead), Cannibalism, Extramarital Affairs, M/M, Repression, Sexual Harassment, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2020-10-13 01:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 48,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20574437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautysupreme/pseuds/beautysupreme
Summary: AU - Alexandria is on the brink of cannibalism, facing famine in the harsh winter. The town sets their sight on Negan. Rick wages an internal war with his own morality and the fear of Alexandria becoming another Terminus while dealing with his own repressed nature.AKA People want to eat Negan and he has a rash of bad luck.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for any OOC, overtly flowery/romanticized, or flat content. I haven't written in ages and I haven't written for TWD in forever. The show pulled me back in with the protective Negan and Judith dynamic and I'm living for it. 
> 
> There will be eventual Rick/Negan.

Negan stood on his bed watching from the tiny barred window of his cell as Alexandrians passed by. He noticed the stares some cast in his general direction, not seeing him at the window. It was just general disdain aimed toward his tiny makeshift prison. His meals had become less frequent when the chill of late fall took to the air.

The citizens were beginning to look more gaunt and irritable than usual, particularly Rick's group which now consisted of the tried and true Scooby gang as well as a few unfamiliar faces. 

Three days ago, there had been a hushed argument a few feet from the window of his cell and though the group remained too quiet for him to hear their words, he could see their angry gestures and the way their faces contorted.

He had watched as Rick stepped in front of them, raising his hands in an attempt to regain the peace; as if he were physically blocking their aggression from Negan himself and not a building.

They were probably protesting killing him or throwing him outside the gates, anything to prevent him from taking up more dwindling resources. All he could do was wait for them to drag him from the cell and toward his imminent execution. He spent hours imagining how they would do it and where. They had kept him prisoner for so long he doubted there would be a public execution; It would scare those who found Alexandria after the war with the Saviors.

A younger man occasionally delivered his meals alomg with the predatory looks Negan was known for shutting down in the past; Joshua. His name was dropped by the others who complained when the kid was constantly late to relieve them of their shift. Joshua looked like he could have been a high school jock in the time before, by now he would be making his way through college on a football scholarship with his stocky, muscular build. He had to be no older than twenty three. 

The kid was there now, holding his food tray by the slot in the cell door. The kid always looked like he was on the verge of saying something lewd but he had never worked up the nerve to do so. Negan noticed the way the kid was standing with more confidence, shoulders pulled back and chest filled with hot air, today may be different. 

“You should make yourself useful, old man.”

“Yeah? You in charge now?” Negan chuckled, running his thumb under his lower lip as he summed the little shit up. His muscles may be on the verge of atrophy from sitting in a cell for the last two years, but he was fairly certain he could still take the kid out.

Negan pushed himself up from the cot and walked over to the bars of the cell, leaning in close to the younger man’s face, “Enlighten me - what in the fuck can I do rotting in this cell all day?”

Joshua had found some form of idiotic courage today; When Negan’s hands grapsed the food tray, he jerked it back, pulling Negan against the bars, “You can get on your knees and open your mouth, for a start.”

“Wow! You are a filthy little shit aren't you? I bet you're still a virgin!”

“You're just meat,” Joshua pushed the tray back at Negan with such force it caused him to lose his balance.

The older man stumbled for a moment before catching himself. He watched in silence as Joshua walked away, glaring over his shoulder at Negan, eyes filled with the promise of vindication. The fact that Rick kept that ticking time bomb of a rapist in his town was an ode to the failings of their dead society.

On good days, Negan would catch a glimpse of Rick and his daughter walk by his window, reminding him of the heart wrenching crumbs of goodness left in the world. Judith made a habit of plucking up dying wildflowers and colorful weeds near his window. She would smile at him when she'd notice him watching and accompany it with an occasional wave. 

The days wore on and the cell grew cold in the presence of winter. Joshua still delivered his daily meal from time to time, occasionally dropping it on the floors with a sarcastic “opps”. Negan remained vigilant in his silence in the boy’s presence. The only time he bothered speaking was to make bad jokes to Gabriel, which went ignored, and when Judith would sit by his window. If it hadn't been for the little Grimes girl, he would have gone insane long ago.

“Tara said it wasn’t always like this. There used to be places without walls and it was safe to go as you want. People had jobs - different from the ones here. I asked my mom and dad what their lives were like but they don’t like to talk about it. Will you tell me?”

“What do you want to know?” Negan stopped throwing a tennis ball against the side wall of the cell and waited with baited breath. 

“What were you like? What was your job?”

He rolled the worn ball between his hands, the felt had mostly rubbed away leaving it threadbare. He thought on the question, trying to recall what seemed a distant memory of himself. It was painful; a large knot of regret and shame swelling in his chest. He understood exactly why Rick and Michonne didn’t want to discuss their lives or who they had been before. He cleared his throat before trying to generalize as much as he could.

“I was a teacher at a high school.” He didn’t bother with subjects as Judith was too young to understand. He braced himself for the next question, knowing what it would be.

“What is high school?”

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly the question he thought it would be. His shoulders relaxed and the knot in his chest began to unravel. He was grateful she didn't ask if he had been married or had children of his own. Both were too painful to discuss, even after all this time. 

“It was for older kids.”

“Oh…” Judith’s voice became fragile and barely above a whisper, “Like my brother?”

“Yeah.” Negan winced and pressed his lips together. That one still hurt, “Like him.”

There was a brief silence before Judith spoke back up, her voice back to normal, “If you were a teacher...you’re pretty smart, right? Will you help me with my homework?”

“I don’t know about that kid,” Negan threw the ball again. He was more than happy to spend time with the girl but he knew her parents wouldn’t be thrilled about it if they found out she had him for a tutor, “I don’t think your old man would like that. Why don’t you ask him or your mom for help?”

“They’re too busy. They’re always at a meeting or working. You don't wanna spend time with me either, do you?”

“Wow, kid, you go straight for the heart.” It really was some sad shit. Even without the demands of modern society and capitalism, Rick Grimes didn’t have much time for his daughter. Negan feigned shock, looking up with wide eyes at the girl who was clutching the bars outside the window above him, “Of course I wanna spend time with you. You are very literally my favorite person in this whole town and I'm sure your parents feel the same - they just have a lotta responsibility. I’ll help you when you need it.”

“Thank you! I should get back now. People are leaving the counsel meeting. Mom and dad will be leaving soon too. Good night, Negan!” Judith stood, brushing grass and dirt from her short legs.

“Night, kid.” Negan called back, pulling his arm back and tossing the ball again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thousand thank yous to Nightlore for proofing this and his constant support.

The sun hung low in the mid-afternoon sky, a sign the days were becoming shorter as they gave way to the darkness of impending winter. Rick shielded his eyes with his forearm as he watched Judith pluck dandelions, “Those are weeds, sweetheart.”

“That's okay. I like them anyway.” She handed them to Michonne, who was helping her weave a crown.

Rick smiled down at his girl, watching her continue her task, unphased by the plant's label in the agricultural world. 

The clamor of teenage boys snickering between nearby houses caught his attention. “Gonna get him on his knees before long.”

He tried to ignore it but the vulgarity and hostility in the boys' words wouldn't leave him. He looked at Michonne who had heard it too, her eyes indicating that something should be done. “Stay here.”

Michonne give a single nod, returning her attention to Judith as Rick followed the voices. He weaved his way through the side yard of the houses behind them and found a group of boys he had spoken with in passing or had personally assigned jobs to: Marcus, Joshua, Kele, and Darik. They were huddled behind a partial fence that was intended to disguise garbage cans or an AC unit. He stood near the corner of the house closest to them, out of sight.

“You're disgusting, man.” Darik’s lip curled in disgust, his weight on one foot, ready to walk away at any other mention of the former suggestion..

“What? You've heard some of the comments he'd make when he was strutting around before the war. He plays for both teams – a cocksucker for sure. I scared him the other night.”

“Yeah right. I'm sure fucking _ Negan _ is terrified.” Marcus scoffed, creating laughter among the other boys.

“Maybe not just of me, but I bet if all four of us went down there, he'd be more than willing to get on his knees.”

Rick's hands clenched into tight fists. As he started around the corner, Darik piped up, “No man. That's fucked up.”

The dark skinned boy bustled by Rick, giving him a quick glance. Rick waited a moment, hoping some of the other boys would follow the same moral compass. He was disappointed when no one else left.

“Fuck him. You guys know how fucking good it will be to have –“

“What you're discussing is a crime.” He rounded the corner and placed his hand on his gun holster as the group turned to look at him. He never had a bullet in the chamber any longer but it still worked to reign in peace if a small disturbance broke out among the townspeople. The boys were more startled by his presence than anything else. 

“Mr. Grimes…it's just talk…we weren't –“ Marcus started, stammering in the fear of being caught.

“I don't want to discuss it. Give me your key to the cells. You will all be doing labor on the windmill. Starting now.”

“We were just –“Joshua started, scowling when Rick interrupted.

“Now.” Rick's tone was short, filling with authority he hadn't had to channel in some time. He watched the young men visibly protest by crossing arms or shuffling their feet, but they went around him toward the construction site. Joshua dropped the key in his hand, glaring at him. 

When they were gone, Rick ran his hand over his face. Dealing with minors had never been his forte as a deputy. Shane would handle the juvenile delinquency calls while Rick watched. He was never stern enough with underage offenders and anything he said wasn’t carried with much weight. He always dismissed them as kids and Shane had told him that’s how those petty crimes became felonies down the line. Rick looked down at the keys, feeling their weight in his hand. The walk back to Michonne and Judith seemed like a long one.

“Everything alright?” Michonne looked past Rick and toward the group of boys who were making their way toward the windmill.

“I don’t know...I need to check on something.” He went to kiss her out of habit but stopped himself. It had been so long since they had been intimate that he wasn't sure where their relationship stood any longer.

Michonne nodded and placed her hand on his shoulder, her touch more that of a concerned friend than a lover, “Be careful.”

Rick started toward Negan’s cell. 

* * *

Negan stared at the growing water stain on the ceiling. He had slept until late morning and he still didn't have the energy to move from the cot. Memories of just how shitty he had been at husbandry had kept him up all night. He always had a wandering eye but when Lucille was diagnosed, he put all of his fear and sadness between the legs of whoever would have him.

He remembered the first woman the most, before the guilt dissipated and the affairs became a regular coping mechanism. She had been a co-worker; a young ag science major in her first year of teaching.

_ "Hello mister magpie, how is the misses?" Ms. Williamson called to the base of a tree as Negan slammed his car door shut. He looked around briefly wondering if it was some weird fucking greeting. They were alone in the faculty parking lot. _

_ He started to ask her if she was talking to him but stopped when she turned and started looking in the bush by the sidewalk, "There's your wife!" _

_ She didn't notice him behind her, staring at her pert little ass. They ended up fucking several times in the greenhouse. The first affair had been the messiest, it was new territory and he didn't handle it with any degree of grace. He broke it off when she asked him to leave Lucille and that was when the shit storm really began. He still remembered how her voice was tinged in animosity and threat, "I'll tell your wife! I'll report you to the superintendent, you motherfucker." _

The hinge of the upper jail door groaned to announce he had a visitor and tore him from the memory. He didn't look away from the stain on the ceiling as footsteps fell down the stairs.

“Can we talk?” Rick's voice was laced with dread and pending uncertainty at how to approach the subject.

Negan smiled at the question. Rick implying he had a choice was cute each time he asked, "Talk away, cowboy."

"I overheard Josh talking today…"

The mention of the kid peaked Negan's attention. He sat up, a muscle in the center of his chest popping from the sudden movement after being dormant for so long; He rolled his shoulders to loosen them.

“Yeah, that so? What did that little shit have to say?”

Negan stood from the bed, stepping closer to hear what Rick would say and readying himself to ream Rick on how he never would have let that behavior pass.

“He said he was harassing you."

Rick shifted his weight between his feet, and uncrossed his arms. He was visibly uncomfortable and Negan was eating up that bit of concern Rick Grimes was offering him.

“I don't know if I would call that harassment, Sheriff - a little brat too big for his pant - maybe.”

"He was planning to do more. I could lock him up but nothing was actually done and I don't think you'd want him down here with you."

"Since when do you care what I want, Rick?" Negan chuckled under his breath as rolled his shoulders again, a loud crack echoed through the small prison. 

Negan's voice was low, words suggestive of either past flirtations and Negan's embarrassing pleading attempts with the first year the cell had broken him; Rick wasn't sure which one Negan may have been alluding to so he simply ignored it.

"I removed him from guard duty and put him on physical labor. I know you're not going to believe this - but I won't tolerate abuse of anyone. Not of a prisoner. Not even of _ you _ ...Thats why I have to ask, should I do more? Did _ he _ do more?"

Rick was waiting for an answer with baited breath, eyes set on him, watching for a hint of discomfort or lie, as he has been trained to do in domestic situations. 

Negan wanted to ask "_ You don't think a potential rapist is a threat to your community _?" But instead, for one of the few times in his life, he held his tongue. It wasn't the time. Rick was genuinely concerned that little shit had done something to him and it made Negan feel something in his chest, a small warmth that someone cared a tiny bit about him. Rick's question would be laughable if it wasn't so sad.

Rick's shoulders relaxed when a burst of laughter filled the small prison.

“Want me all to yourself, Sherriff?” Negan licked his lips and smiled wide at the other man.

“Negan.” The name slipped through clenched teeth. Rick was exhausted and his attempt at a good deed was being mocked. 

The smile fell from Negan's eyes as he felt pity for Rick and just how damn upstanding he had to be all the time, "Don't worry, that little shit hasn't laid a hand on me. He's all talk."

Rick lingered for a moment before giving the other man a brief nod and setting back up the stairs.

“Hey Rick," Negan called after Rick, looking up at the man, "I appreciate you getting that kid out of my hair.”

“Yeah…any time.” Rick nodded from the stairs, a small smile and feeling of usefulness reminding him of his purpose.


	3. Chapter 3

Rick and Michone were among the last to enter the Town Hall, feeling eyes on them. Everyone was nervously awaiting the results of the last council meeting. Aaron was near the makeshift podium, trying to calm the crowd who were already jumping to the worst conclusions. Rick pushed his way through the crowd to give support to Aaron. The volume in the room dropped a few decimals but the thrum still existed, weaving through the crowd. Rick looked around the familiar faces of his friends and neighbors, all looking to him for guidance once again. He could feel the tension in the room, one misplaced or misinterpreted word would send them into a frenzy

"Those working physical labor will be allowed two meals per day. Those who are not will receive one." Rick looked around. There was a hushed murmur at the meal decrease but they were not as outraged as he expected. " In the coming weeks we will cease physical labor."

He nodded to Aaron who spoke to the crowd, "We will put that energy into separating the scavenging parties into hunting as well. We will expand the perimeters."

"Hill Top is sending rations as well. They will be here within the week. It will be tough, but we will see this out." Michonne reminded everyone. No one seemed particularly thrilled but they weren't lashing out like they did at the previous Town Hall. Hill Top gave them a glimmer of hope should other efforts fail.

"What about the Sanctuary? We're still sending rations to them while we starve!" That one voice in the crowd was all it took, the catalyst for disaster. The collective murmur returned to the room, growing deafening as it drowned out all reason with verbalized anxiety and fear.

* * *

"What's cannibalism?" Judith asked, pronouncing the word with little certainty and looking away from her notebook to look at Negan through his window. She watched the way his brows raised slightly at the question.

They were working on simple math problems and it was one of the last questions Negan had expected, especially after working on a multiplication problem involving damn bunnies - whoever was teaching elementary math had a real shit sense of humor, "What in the fuck does that have to do with those damn rabbits? You reading Hannibal at story time?"

Judith glared at him for a moment, the way she always did when he let a vulgarity slip. He coughed as he had been doing sporadically. She closed the notebook and turned toward him, signifying she was finished with her homework, "I heard mommy tell daddy it's a few missed rations away."

"Don't worry about that, kid." Negan coughed again, this time being unable to stop. He braced himself against the wall as he felt his airway tighten up. 

"Negan?" Judith pressed her face against the window, eyes wide. He couldn't stop. He lowered himself to the mattress, pressing his hand against his chest as if the pressure would force his airway to open. He looked back up to Judith and she was gone.

* * *

Negan was sitting on the edge of his cot, placing all his focus on trying to control his breathing when the door at the top of the stairs screeched open. He was still grasping his chest when Siddiq approached him with a medical bag. He quickly retrieved a rescue inhaler with expired albuterol that he attempted to administer before Negan snatched it and pumped it several times, sucking in as much as possible.

For all the time he had been in the cell with no asthmatic episodes, Siddiq ruled out asthma but there was no doubt something caused respiratory distress. He handed the older man a vial of prednisone to help open his airways faster. He watched the older man's breathing as he downed the liquid, silently counting the breaths filling his chest. "I think you're having an allergic reaction. Did you eat recently?"

Negan shook his head and before he could state anymore, Siddiq was leaning in closer. The man's hands were warm against his skin. The young doctor was looking at a swollen, agitated lump on his arm that Negan had assumed was an ingrown hair. Not the best of porno plotlines but touch was now a foreign concept to him and the mundane gesture went straight to his groin.

“Looks like a brown recluse bite.” Siddiq pressed gingerly around the small ulcer. The skin had the tell tale discoloration pattern and the flesh surrounding the opening was beginning to atrophy. He applied pressure and reached into his bag to retrieve a bottle of rubbing alcohol and used it to rinse the bite. He squeezed and watched as yellow pus began to collect in the ulcer, “It's infected."

Definitely not sexy. 

“I'll finish cleaning it and start you on an antibiotic and pain killers. You'll probably feel nauseous, so I'll try to find something for that too."

Negan nodded absentmindedly as he watched the man continue his work, too embarrassingly intoxicated by the touch of another person to say much else. It wasn't quite the exact touch he'd been longing for the last two years of lonely nights in his cell, but he would take it.

* * *

Rick gripped the sink, looking at himself in an attempt to recognize the man he had become and the man his people wanted him to be. It wasn't the first time he looked at himself like this but he prayed it would be the last. He had made his peace with the man the world had turned him into; it had been a defense mechanism and he believed his old self still lied under the layers – at the very core of the Rick onion. If he became the man they now wanted him to be, that core would be hollowed out.

The memory of the Town Hall meeting replayed in his head. Voices lashing out among the crowd, like disembodied demons.

_He's of no use to this community._

_How can he be? There are hardly any crops to tend._

_He could go on scavenging parties or hunts – it would put less of our people in danger._

_Yeah and if he meets up with another group and attacks us – what then?_

_He's taking food away from us – from the children._

_You think we should just release him and forbid him from Alexandria?_

_No, we should execute him._

_That doesn't solve our food problem._

_It could, for a while._

_What?_

_I don't like it either but we're facing starvation._

_No. That is out of the question._

_Let's all think on what to do – rationally - and have another council meeting after the Winter Gathering with Kingdom and Hill Top._

Rick had left the town hall shaking with disgust, remembering Terminus. He splashed water on his face and tried to push the whole thing from his mind. He made his way down the narrow hall to check in on Judith. He leaned against her door frame, watching her sleep peacefully.. This wasn't the community he wanted for her – one that quickly lost it's humanity when under pressure. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity until a hand gripped his shoulder. The touch was light but strong. He glanced over his shoulder at Michonne. Her hand slowly ran down his back before retreating.

"You okay?"

"I can't do what they're askin'...it's not something we can come back from." He wondered if they could even come back from the mere suggestion of cannibalism. 

"I know, Rick, believe me - I know. Things haven't even been so bad - we're still giving daily rations. Where would it stop?"

"Over half of them seemed ready to kill him tonight - I don't even know if I can trust our people to guard him...Aaron, Rosita, Tara -"

"Don't do that," She cupped his face in her hands, watching tears threaten to fall. It was as intimate as they had been a long time, "You always have us."

He wanted to mention the diversion Darryl and Maggie sent him on over a year ago - the one that caused him a nasty scar that still hurt and destroyed all his work on the bridge - but he left it be. Michonne had returned from a scavenge mission earlier that evening before the Town Hall and he knew she was too tired to discuss it. Instead he grabbed her wrist and leaned onto her touch, "You should get some rest."

Michonne pressed her lips together before nodding. She pulled away slowly before turning toward the master bedroom.

Rick waited a few moments before setting toward Negan's cell. The harvest moon was so large he didn't have to bother with a light. When he came upon the prison he greeted Rosita at the door.

"I need a minute with him."

She didn't offer the rebuttal he'd expected, visibly unnerved by the end of the town meeting. She nodded and unlocked the door, waiting for him to descend the steps before closing the door back. For her obvious disapproval of the townspeople's suggestion, he was glad. For all they'd endured, those closest to them still maintained their humanity, no matter how the world clawed and gnashed it's rotten teeth at it.

Rick peered into the dark cell as he descended the stairs. Negan was sleeping on the cot, his back to him. He watched the man stir, laying still as he recognized him through sleep drenched eyes. He was covered in a thin layer of sweat and Rick remember the fleeting medical report Siddiq had mentioned after the town meeting.

"You doin' alright?" Rick asked, placing his hands on his hips. He would almost be thankful for a diversion from the coming conversation. He wasn't sure how much he should divulge to the other man.

"Yeah. Some shit spider isn't going to take me out."

Rick smirked, the thought amusing him a dark way. After the war and everything else the thing to almost do Negan in could have been a tiny speck of a thing. He decided to cut to the chase, the smile fading as quickly as it had formed.

“You need to earn your keep. Any idea how to go about that?” 

Rick's voice filled his small dark cell. Negan was unsure if he was in a fever dream brought on by the spider bite or just a wet dream. Either way, he had one thing to offer and if Rick Grimes wanted it then Rick fucking Grimes could have it.

"Well, I'm usually one to enjoy a bit of cat and mouse but hell, no need to draw it out." Negan stood from the cot, walking toward peeled the sweat soaked shirt from his torso, tossing it to the corner of his cell. 

His eyes were fixed on Rick as he loosened the button on his jeans and dropped them to the ground, stepping out of them. Moonlight illuminated his backside, spilling over his shoulders. He would have delighted in how uncertain and nervous Rick looked if he didn't have the same feelings inching up his spine. 

“What are you doing?” Rick was looking at him with a quisitive brow, blue eyes taken back.

“How else am I supposed to contribute?” It was a genuine question. Negan felt stupid. Of course this wasn't what Rick intended; Rick would never do something that only satisfied his needs.

Rick swallowed hard before turning his gaze from the other man. If Negan thought him that kind of man he could understand the former animosity, “That's…I would never.”

Negan broke eye contact, feeling awkward for one of the few times in his life. He slid his worn pants back up his thighs and pulled the tattered shirt over his head, “Shit, Rick. Maybe if you did this would be easier. I've seen your people. They're starving but how am I to help when there are no crops to gather? I could tend to the animals but you know they're all going to be slaughtered for meat before they starve.”

Rick looked back at him. It was the only worthwhile option and what could it hurt if he did end up running off, “Give me your word you won't hurt my people if I let you go with a scavenge party.”

“My word? Hell yeah, you have my word. For fucksake, I was about to give you my ass.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Sexual assault and attempted rape in this chapter.

Rick squeezed his eyes shut, shame heavy in the pit of his stomach as he slid his hand under his waistband. It had been weeks since he had any form of release. His mind wouldn't stop conjuring the thought of unlocking that cell door. He stifled a sudden moan as he brushed his length, pressing his lips tightly together. His mind went to how they'd have to be quiet in the cell with a guard so close by. He thought of Negan's toned arms braced against his cell wall as he rutted into him.

The thought was quickly dissolved by the memory of those same arms lifting a bat. Then Abraham and Glenn's unrecognizable bodies. Tears formed in his eyes and he abandoned the attempt, curling into himself.

* * *

The creaking of the door woke Negan far too early in the morning, the first beams of sunlight filtering through the cell window.

Rick greeted him with Aaron and two younger men. One was holding a baseball hat and change of clothes - thermals, jeans, and a light long sleeve top. The boy passed the clothes to him and Negan accepted them without comment, glad for something other than his normal rags.

"You know Aaron. This is Kele and Marcus." Rick cleared his throat and nodded to the two boys, "You'll be going with them."

Negan regarded the men silently before looking back at Rick, "You won't be gracing us with your presence, Sheriff?"

"Not today." 

"I am flattered by the trust, Rick, I really am." Negan feigned shock, placing his hand on his chest in exaggeration.

"Don't make me regret this."

Negan quickly changed into the clothes as the other men turned their backs for privacy. He noticed Rick's face pinken when Negan looked up to find his eyes lingering for a moment. Rick cleared his throat and quickly looked away when Negan gave him a wink. He finished by slapping the baseball cap on his head, “Let's get this shit show on the road!”

* * *

Negan glanced up in the forest canopy spotting a hunting stand in a distant tree. The direct sunlight still burned his eyes but he was adjusting. As Aaron and the other two men rummaged through a long abandoned campsite, he made his way to the makeshift ladder of nailed boards in the tree.

He held his breath as he tested the first two rungs for rot. They held under his weight and he began his ascent. When he crested the floor planks of the shack, he was greeted by the skeletal remains of what appeared to be a boy and his father. Upon brief inspection, it appeared the father shot the boy and then himself; probably surrounded by a herd. He pulled himself inside the cabin and pried the pistol from the skeletal hand, quickly finding three bullets in the chamber, flipping on the safety and then storing it in his waistband.

Two rifles and a shotgun were leaning against the far wall. Negan opened a nearby duffel bag and found a box of bandages, Advil, and several cans of packaged meat, “Hey! There's a small bag of supplies in here!”

He hesitated to mention the guns. He looked down at the forest floor, watching Aaron make his way over. Negan dropped the bag down to Aaron and climbed down, slowly raising his hands, “There are rifles and a shotgun up there.”

Aaron was kneeling on the ground, checking the bag when he paused, slowly looking up at him. Moments passed and Negan rolled his shoulders, “You want me to bring them down or what?”

Aaron shook his head. And motioned to the other two men, “You two - go get them.”

The day wore on and the only other thing they found were edible mushrooms and a small rabbit. Aaron dropped supplies and looked at the others, "We'll be too tired to make it into town if we don't eat soon. I'll build a fire and cook the rabbit. You three get water from the stream uphill so we can put the fire out quickly if we need to."

Marcus thrust an overworn plastic water bottle into Negan's hands and they headed toward the water. As they made their way to the stream he heard twigs breaking in the distance ut the two younger men didn't seem to notice. 

As they crested the hill and the stream came into view, Negan's stomach bottomed out. He was going to have to kill a brat and fuck up this thing he had so recently gained. 

"Was wondering if you assholes were ever showing up." Joshua taunted from the stream. 

Negan took a step back but quickly paused when the little shit aimed a gun at him. He smirked at Joshua, "You really aren't this stupid, are you kid?"

"Shut the fuck up, get down here and get on your knees."

Before Negan could make a move for the gun he had stowed away, one of the fuckers behind him kicked his knees and sent him rolling down the steep hill. They stalked after him. When he started to rise, Marcus pressed a gun to the back of his head, keeping him on his knees.

"That works." Joshua unbuckled his belt and as he slid it off, Negan spat at him. The boy laughed for a brief moment before erupting in anger, whipping the belt across the Negan's face. The hit knocked Negan over as his mouth filled with blood.

They rolled him onto his back. Kele held Negan's hands above his head while Marcus pressed his weight on his thighs after Joshua shimmied Negan's pants down, “What do we have here?”

Joshua grabbed the pistol and smirked. He pressed it against Negan's lips, “Someone has been naughty. Open up.”

Negan pressed his lips tighter, hatred seething from his glare like a festering wound. 

“Open up or I'll knock your teeth out.”

It took another prod with the gun but he complied, the dirty steel hitting his tongue. He jerked against the men but was only able to move his torso. Marcus' weight was pressed into his knees. The gun slid from his mouth and down his neck, trailing a wet course over his stomach. Joshua pulled his pants down to his knees, dragging the gun over his hip bone to his inner thigh. Negan closed his eyes as the cool metal pressed through the fabric of his underwear and against his taint. He was at their mercy and it was overwhelming.

“…Please.”

“What was that?” Joshua leaned over him, ear just above Negan's mouth. How he wanted to bite it off. He held back, knowing it would get him nowhere.

“Stop. Please stop.” The words were difficult to form with all the seething hatred and fear rushing through him.

“Now why would we do that?”Josh grinned as he started unbuttoning his pants, "We're gonna take turns on you and you won't say a fucking word to anyone - will you? You wouldn't want anyone to know what a weak, worthless piece of shit you are."

Negan closed his eyes tightly as he felt Joshua's hands at the waistband of his boxerbriefs.

“What are you doing?”

Negan's eyes jerked to Aaron, softening. Thank whatever the fuck for this guy. This guy who absolutely loathed him but was still one of Rick's merry gang.

“C'mon man. You don't really care what happens to this asshole. He's the reason Eric died.”

Aaron swallowed hard, not expecting Eric to be brought up. It had been so long but hearing his name opened the wound again. Negan's eyes were pleading.

“Get off of him. Now.”

“Let us have a little fun with him. You can join us.”

Joshua turned back to Negan and didn't see the gun being drawn against the back of his head. He froze when he heard the hammer pull back.

“I won't say it again. This expedition is over.” Aaron kept his gun locked on Joshua as the other boys looked at each other. Marcus and Kele rose to their feet. Marcus tossed his gun to the ground near Aaron's feet. The boys raised their hands and slowly backed away from the scene. Joshua held his stance a few moments longer, anger clear on his face. He too tossed the pistol he took from Negan on the ground. He left his own gun near Negan, where he had originally sat it. The boys turned to the path heading to Alexandria.

Aaron extended his hand to Negan, taking him off guard. He took it, giving a nod of thanks to the man.


	5. Chapter 5

Negan noticed dozens of eyes on him as the gates of Alexandria opened to swallow him whole. Twilight was on the horizon and long distorted shadows were cast from the people gathering around the gate. Alexandria's citizens looked at him in curiosity, hatred, or something else he couldn't quite discern.

"How'd it go?" Rick hurried over to the, giving him that goddamn side eye that had become a trademark. He reminded Negan of the overbearing parents that were just teeming to scold their kids at the first mention of any misbehavior.

Rick watched Aaron hesitate, glancing between Negan and the others. Their early return had Rick assuming Negan had been difficult and he was ready to toss him back in the cell. When he turned to followAaron's gaze at the boys, his brow furrowed. Joshua was lingering to the side. He finally noticed Negan's swollen and bloodied lips. Rick caught a glance of Michonne making her way through the crowd.

"We picked up an extra. He sabotaged the whole thing." Aaron nodded to Joshua. The curly haired man leaned in close to Rick, lowering his voice, "I sent Negan and the boys to get water. I found them on top of Negan..."

Aaron didn't need to finish. Rick felt every nerve in his body twist in disgust. He looked over at the guards near the gate, "Take these boys to the cell and lock them in there. They'll stay there until we have a vote on what to do with them."

He looked at Negan, the man's dark eyes were looking back at him with genuine surprise. Rick placed his hands on his hips as he thought on what to do with Negan now. He turned to Aaron, "Call the others to the town hall."

Negan held a duffel bag by his side, using his free hand to pull his hat further over his face, receding into himself. He pressed his arm over his chest as he saw more Alexandrians flocking toward the gate. 

"What's going on here? Where are you taking our sons?" A single woman and a husband and wife stepped forward. Rick looked back at Negan and then to the parents. He was thankful Joshua's father wasn't there.

"There was an incident on the search. We're just going to question them and get some answers -"

"I bet he started it! Why are the boys being thrown in the cell and not him?"

"We're not discussing this here." Rick tried to calm Marcus' parents and Kele's mother. He was fearful Negan would lash out and cause even more of an uproar. He felt Michonne's touch on his shoulder, easing some of the tension collecting in his body.

"Like Hell we're not. You're not putting our boy in jail."

Rick looked back to Negan, thankful he knew to keep his mouth shut for once. Despite the man's silence, Rick could hear his voice in his head, deep and disgusted._ You can't even control your own people, Rick. You're not fit to lead _. Negan was staring at him and the crowd was becoming feverent. 

"Why don't they just execute him?"

"He's causing more issues. Just kill him."

"They're letting this monster free and locking up our own."

"He sabotaged the search."

"He's taking food from us."

"Get rid of him for good."

Rick nodded to the men restraining the boys, giving the signal to let them go, "Everyone calm down. Let's move this to the town hall where we can discuss what happened and how we should handle it."

As the crowd reluctantly dispersed forward, Rick looked back at Negan. Aaron took the bag from him and he still stood there, uncharacteristically quiet and reserved. Rick lingered there, "You ok?"

"Think I'll just mosey back to my cell. Your people are ready to tear me apart, Rick." Negan offered, watching Rick glance back at the crowd. He could see the man's internal conflict; Rick could do the easy thing and appease his people or he could be the painfully good man he was and advocate for unwanted justice, "Sometimes it's best to just keep the peace. You don't have room to keep me locked up if you lock them up. Besides, I don't necessarily feel like being beaten to death by a mob of angry townspeople." 

Rick closed his eyes for a moment, wishing he were elsewhere. What had happened wasn't okay. He wanted to hold onto the idea that these were good people, however fleeting of a thought that seemed to be with recent events, "You don't have to go in there. Aaron can testify to what he saw. I'm not letting those boys get away with this."

"Someone has to stay with Negan. I can run the trial if you want to stay with him." Michonne offered. Rick was thankful, his eyes softening when he turned back to look at her. She wasn't prone to giving in just to appease the masses as he was. She looked passed him to Negan, speaking to him for the first time in years, "You sure you don't want to give your statement to everyone? I've never known you to shy away from a crowd."

"When the crowd is ready to have me torn apart just for breathing, I am. They're going to more upset I'm disturbing the balance. They aren't going to believe anything I say."

"Negan, what happened? You don't have to go in there but I do need your statement."

"When we got to the water, that Josh was there. The other two got me on the ground and held me down. That's when your guy found us."

"I need you to be more specific. What happened to your mouth? Was he threatening to kill you?"

"He got me in the mouth with his belt when I wouldn't suck him off. That's when they got me on my back and got my pants down. You know everyone is hugry for a look," He tried to joke but his tone lacked it's normal arrogance, "...Joshua said they were going to take turns. Aaron found us before anything else happened."

Negan avoided looking at either of them, knowing the disbelief that would be written all over Rick and Michonne, or worse, amusement at the fact three boys who were barely men had nearly raped big bad Negan. He felt embarrassment eating at his insides.

Rick and Michonne looked at one another. Rick spoke up first, "That day I found them behind the houses, Josh was discussing assaulting him in his cell."

Michone pursed her lips together and stepped back, reluctantly starting toward the town hall, "I'll let you know how it goes."

* * *

"It had been a while so I went to look for them.. I could hear Joshua taunting someone. When I found them, Kele and Marcus were holding Negan down. They had his pants down. Joshua was standing over him."

"Who gives a fuck?" Joshua's father bellowed out from the crowd, "We're wasting all this time on a goddamn war criminal who should have been killed over a year ago!"

"Mr. Keller! These are serious accusations. If we just overlook them just because of who the victim is, it could put the whole community at risk."

"These are good boys! They wouldn't hurt anyone!"

Michonne tightened her fists as she looked around the room, she noticed the uneasiness of several young women in the room. She hoped one would speak up but they remained silent. It didn't take long before the entire room was calling for Negan's execution. The narrative among the crowd didn't change:

"He's causing trouble and he isn't even in here."

"Rations are getting smaller. We should just kill him."

"It would be for the good of the town."

Michonne looked across the room of people and noticed it had become dark outside, that same darkness was seeping inside the room and into the hearts of her neighbors, "This is a community of good people. We cannot let hatred keep us from doing what's right. We cannot turn a blind eye to justice."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being a former psychology major, it always irks me when television shows, movies, and books play the "humanity is inherently good" trophe. In fact, there is a lot of debate about it in the media but an abnormal and forensic psychology class plus little review of psychological experiments, studies, and observations will show that is statistically not the case in regard to our base instincts. Of course each individual is different and reactions to different stimuli are entirely situational, but we're definitely not inherently good as a species, statistically speaking. In this chapter and the next (perhaps this whole fic) I -try- to touch on these results.
> 
> (Examples for those interested: "The Stanford Prison Project", "The Milgram Experiment", "Lake Wobegon Effect", "The Third Wave High School Experiment", Neuro-image responses to extreme out-groups, Schadenfreude responses in young children, "The Innocent Victim Observation Reactions Study"," The Dark Triad Personality Study", "Biased Assimilation and Attitude Polarization", "The Duality of Virtue Study")

"You don't have to do this," Negan looked at the coffee the man pushed toward him. The living room was light and airy, void of any real personality other than Judith's drawings hung by the staircase and a board with her and Carl's hand prints.

"Don't have to do what?" Rick sat on the couch, bringing his own cup to his lips. 

"Be nice to me out of some weird fucking pity. You know how this goes - shit you were a small town cop." Negan watched Rick wince as he underestimated the temperature of the coffee. Or perhaps it was the memory of rape culture in what had been considered civilized, modern society. 

"That ain't what will happen. Not here. They'll want their kids safe from those boys."

"You are one of the most god damn naive men I've ever met."

"I have faith in people."

Negan scoffed as he picked up the coffee and leaned back in the chair.

"I have been lucky - from the very beginning of all this...when I came to a moral crossroad, there was someone to show me the right path." Rick thought back on Dale and Hershel, "At their core, most people are good - or they at least want to be.."

"I think you're about to be sorely disappointed, Sheriff."

The staircase creaked and they both turned to see Judith peeping at them from the top of the stairs. Rick pushed off the couch and scooped Judith up when she descended the stairs. Negan felt his heart ache and told himself it was heartburn from the coffee.

"I thought you were going to bed early."

"Mama said she'd help me with my costume for the play. What's Negan doing here?"

"Well, someone started a fight with Negan and your mom is sorting it out."

"Can I stay up with you? I can't sleep."

"Just for a few minutes."

Judith beamed at her father as she sat off to retrieve a board game from the nearby closet. 

* * *

The room was quiet and Judith was concentrating on her turn at Jenga when the front door burst open. Michonne entered the living room, defeat evident on her face before it gave way to surprise at the scene before her. When her eyes met Rick's she shook her head.

"You should stay here tonight," She briefly looked at Negan before walking toward the kitchen, "Rick…"

Rick glanced at Negan who had turned his attention back to the game. Judith turned to look at him, "We'll wait for you."

"That's ok. You two go ahead and finish without me."

"Your daddy is about to find out he lost a different game, darlin'." Negan smirked at Rick, eyebrows raised in amusement that didn't reach his eyes. Rick pursed his lips and followed Michonne.

* * *

"Rick...I don't know what to say. Most of Alexandria doesn't care what happened - they jump to executing Negan at every opportunity they get. They're scared and hungry."

"Maggie will bring food from Hill Top, we just have to hold on."

"These people aren't going to wait. They were talking about executing him tonight. It's out of control. Aaron, Eugene, and Gabriel tried to calm everyone down but the crowd overwhelmed the guards and we were forced to let those boys go."

"How would executing him even help with the food issue?" Rick asked absently. 

"Terminus," Michonne tilted her head, brow rising. Rick had tried to ignore the memories that the last town hall revived.

A sharp, hurried knock at the front door caught them both off guard. Rick hurried back to the living room, past Negan, who was looking toward the door with guarded curiosity. He gave him a silent look to stay in his seat and was thankful Judith was still concentrating on the game. He opened the door to a breathless Rosita. She pushed past him and locked the door behind her, looking to Michonne who stood in the archway of the kitchen, "We need to talk."

Rick nodded toward the kitchen and they made their way to the makeshift meeting room. Rosita glanced over her shoulder at Negan as she walked by him. When they were at the island, Rosita kept her voice low, "The parents rallied a large group of citizens. They're talking about killing Negan."

Rick pressed his lips together and looked back toward the living room, "I'll speak with everyone tomorrow -"

"Rick," Michone shook her head, "There's no more time for diplomacy."

"They plan to go to the cell first thing in the morning and drag him out." Rosita said, her eyes focusing on the edge of the island as she absently strummed her fingertips on the smooth surface. She hated the man for all he had done but here she was, putting her loyalty to Rick above her personal feelings.

"We'll take Negan to the hunting cabin. We should send someone to meet with Maggie. Tell her plans have changed and to meet us there." Michonne directed. They had no time to discuss a plan amongst the group. The hunting cabin was several miles off the main road and was occasionally used by Daryl or Aaron when supply runs nearby would run overnight. 

"We can't just let these people - our people - starve." Rick felt a gnawing sense of responsibility tearing at the pit of his stomach. The room was shrouded in heavy silence.

"We could ask Maggie to deliver the food as planned and then bring others - those who don't agree - to the cabin." Rosita suggested after a few moments.

Michonne nodded and turned to Rick, "I know none of this is ideal but we can come up with a better plan once we get him to the cabin."

Rick was reluctant to accept what had quickly become of his people but he knew what Rosita and Michonne proposed was necessary. He shouldn't shake the fact that these people who looked to him for leadership and protection would consider something as heinous as cannibalism - that he would choose a man he had wanted to kill two years ago over his own people. He looked at Rosita, "Let the others know. Some of us will need to stay behind tonight to help rally any others who want to leave."

"Cara and Leslie asked to leave tonight - they'll get the horses out the gate - say they're going on a supply run. Siddiq doesn't feel like he can leave Alexandria without a doctor." She folded her arms and retracted further within herself, "Gabriel wants to stay too - he thinks he can help others find the right path."

"What about you?" Michonne glanced at Rosita's stomach, baby bump obvious. She placed her hand over the woman's arm, seeing the sadness in her eyes.

"I don't want to leave Gabriel...but I can't stay here. I feel like something awful will happen if I do. "

"It's not forever." Michonne wasn't sure of her own words but she knew Rosita needed them. The woman nodded and Michonne stepped forward, hugging her.

"If Aaron goes with us, we can have someone explain that we're going on another search since today was cut short."

"I'll tell him." Rosita wiped her eyes and pulled back from Michonne.

"Eugene is on gate duty. Tell everyone who's going to meet us at the gate in two hours." Rick instructed. He was glad Michonne was there to offer comfort. Rosita nodded and left quietly. 

Michonne took in a long breath and held it for a moment, "I'll take Judith and we'll wait for you. If you take Negan when it's early enough for a few people to see you, it will be more believable that it's just a supply run. They won't go into a panic when they don't find him in his cell."

Rick nodded absently, still registering how quickly things had gone to shit. Michonne grabbed his forearm, "Be careful, Rick. I don't trust him."

With that, she let go of his arm and he could hear her briefly address Negan before ascending the stairs to her room, "It will be safer for you to stay here tonight. There's a guest bedroom beside the kitchen."

* * *

Negan laid in the pitch black room, staring at the ceiling and thinking of how much he'd love to brain that teenage fuck. Better yet, he imagined using his bare hands to choke the life out of him and the sound of him squealing as he crushed his trachea.

A crack of light split the room in half and he watched in silence as a figure appeared there. There was a stillness in the air and he tried not to disturb it. Rick would always give in to his people. Negan had little doubt he would be led to a quickly made gallows or a firing line; Perhaps a stoning to save ammunition. The other man's eyes lingered on him for too long and he could see Rick mentally fumbling his words. Rick certainly wasn't in a hurry to lead him to his death. 

"Are you sure you're ok?" Rick's voice was rough with sleep. Negan felt a tinge of something in his chest. The man was worried about him and drug his exhausted body out of bed just to check on him. Now that was just fucking heart warming. 

Rick waited for a low blow. A sarcastic quip. Anything. Nothing came and he noticed his own fingers fidgeting by his side, "I don't mind listening if you wanna talk."

"You a therapist now, Prick? Gonna offer me a trauma counseling session?"

Rick stood in the doorway as if it were symbolism for his own moral dilemma. Sleep had been difficult to find. He kept imagining what one of his people had tried to do. At first it filled him with rage and then the thought of Negan on his knees stirred something else, something primitive and shameful. He was here to do a good deed, lessen the guilt caused by his imagination.

"I think you just miss me breaking your balls." Negan sat up on the bed and swung his legs over to face the other man.

A soft chuckle escaped Rick's mouth before he could stop it "Guess I do. Never thought I would."

Negan smiled at him for a moment. It was genuine, reaching his eyes, "I'm fine. You should probably get back to your lady samurai."

"We have to leave." Rick adjusted his weight and the light illuminated two small duffel bags on his shoulder that Nevgan had missed before.

"You gonna let Judith keep an eye on me?"

"No, I mean us. You and me." The way Rick fidgeted and hesitated in a quick explanation let Negan know he was about to do something he had tumbled over and over in his head and was still unsure if he chose correctly. 

“Woah cowboy. Are you asking me on a date?”

“I'm tryin' to help you. Now shut up and get ready.”

The friendliness in Rick's voice disappeared, letting him know not to prolong anything. He hesitated in the safety of the room for a moment before deciding Rick wasn't one to play mind games, hurrying along and taking one of the bags before officer friendly changed his mind.

* * *

They made it past Alexandria’s gates and into the tree line in a matter of minutes. When they were sure to be out of earshot, Negan grabbed Rick's shoulder. The man jerked around, ready to defend himself. Negan raised both hands to indicate he wasn't planning to punch the man. 

“Mind telling me what the Hell we're doing, Rick?”Negan looked him up and down, “You put on all these aires for a little freaky deeky in the woods? I mean I'm smitten, Rick, really I am, but –“

Rick didn't have time for the man's games and cut to the chase, “The people made a decision against my approval. Now shut up before I decide to take you back and let them execute you.”

“And you're against that? To the point of letting me go? My memory must be real shit these days because I recall you slitting my goddamn throat, Rick.”

Rick straightened his stance, eyeing the man for a moment and measuring his words, “I don’t agree with how they want to go about it. There's an old hunting cabin still standing a few miles from here.”

“What about Judith?”

The question stopped Rick in his tracks. Not because Negan remembered Judith – to Rick the man would never forget his little girl because to Negan she was leverage, but this was asked out of genuine curiosity. Rick was hopeful if he gave the man honesty he would earn some trust and not be killed in the woods.

“I couldn't leave her there…these aren't my people - not with what they're becoming. Michonne and a few others took her ahead. They'll be waiting for us.”

“Ah, my hopes of us running away together are ruined.” Negan gave Rick a wink as they began their trek forward, it was ignored or lost in the darkness of breaking dawn.

Rick didn't bother to explain the complications of his relationship with Michonne to Negan, but the mention of it grew his silent frustration with the man he was saving. Since Carl's death, they had become distant and though they never verbally finalized the end of their relationship, Michonne slept in a separate bed. He had been so starved for affection that Negan’s little jabs mixed with flirtation lingered in his mind long after he left the man's cell. 


	7. Chapter 7

It had been over a year since the bridge incident; a mutiny that destroyed not only the connection between their communities but also his relationships with Daryl and Maggie and left Rick questioning others. After they had found him, bruised from the explosion and losing blood from the rebar wound, he spent several days under Siddiq's care. When he was released, he held Judith for what would never seem long enough and then he visited Negan's cell. 

They were both broken and vulnerable; Rick by the betrayal of those he trusted and Negan by his own past and the longing to be with his deceased wife. That was when Rick made a habit of visiting on a regular basis. It was only small talk but Rick began to see Negan as less of an oppressive storm of death, arrogance, and bad jokes and more human; Negan's quips became lessing needling and Rick became a little less apprehensive. 

For all of this, Rick was dreading Maggie's arrival. The entirety of the day had been spent making room in the cabin for their group. A small fireplace flickered in the small living area of the cabin, casting a warm glow against the ebbing darkness. Negan sat in that darkness on the far side of the room, with his back pressed against the interior wall that mirrored the master bedroom where Michonne and Judith were. He looked over at Rick who was huddled in a campfire pow wow with two women Negan didn't recognize, along with Aaron and Rosita. Loneliness crept into his headspace. The casual comfort the group had with one another reminded him how alone he was. He had glimpses of that safety and trust in the time before, with Lucille, but the cancer ate away at that too.

The rest of the group were still debating if leaving Alexandria was right and discussing how so many people seemed to join in on the mob mentality that had quickly manifested within the township's walls.

“I think desperation causes people to do bad things.” Cara offered. She had been a college student volunteering at a therapeutic equine facility with Leslie when the world crumbled. They had found Alexandria together and offered to care for the horses and stable, "The morality of our actions is up to the perception of others. It's the whole ‘one man's terrorist is another's freedom fighter'.”

“I'd say cannibalism is a pretty fucking universally bad lifestyle.” Rosita interjected, staring blankly toward the floor with her arms folded over her chest.

No one countered the statement.

Rick looked over at Negan, catching the man applying the antibiotic Siddiq had packed for him. The older man's midriff was exposed as he leaned across the floor to put the ointment back in the bag. Rick's eyes lingered on the expanse of skin too long and Negan looked up from changing his bandage to catch Rick staring. He smirked as he followed the gaze to his exposed stomach and winked. Rick quickly looked at the fire before clearing his throat, speaking to no one in particular, "Tara should have found Maggie by now. They'll be here tomorrow if everything goes smoothly in Alexandria."

"When does anything go smoothly?" Negan called from the other side of the room. Rick looked over at him but didn't acknowledge the pressing truth in the rhetorical question. 

The night wore on in silence and the group began to retire, finding spots on the worn floor. Rick didn't stray from the hearth, tending to the fire. He noticed a photo on the mantle, it's frame ruined by long standing dust. He could barely make out the image of a man and his young son. The boy had to be no older than ten. His mind drifted to memories of Carl at that age. When the rest of the group were well asleep, Rick made his way over the dark corner of the room. He slid down the wall beside Negan, “You're not asleep.”

“Great observation. Bet you were the best cop on the force.” Negan pulled the cap over his eyes and slouched further into the floor, “You can go sleep with your family. I'm not going to do anything stupid.”

“I doubt that. Besides…Michonne and I are no longer on those terms.”

"That a fact?” Negan peeked out from under the brim of the cap, “Hope I didn't cause it.”

Rick clucked his tongue and stared absently toward a boarded window, “It wasn't this. She didn't agree with what that either. I…I was never good at talking about feelings and all that. Even before all this. It destroyed my marriage.”

Negan shifted to a more acceptable position, “Well that makes two of us. Hell, maybe we could have been in a group marriage counseling session together.”

“Don't see you as the type to go to marriage counseling.”

“We tried. I loved my wife. I also loved being a dumbass." Negan inhaled and held it for a moment. "Listen Rick, I know what it's like to have shoulder all the responsibility for your people, how much pressure is on you - wondering if every single decision you make is the right one. I'm here if you need an ear...or a release.”

"A release?" Rick let his head fall back against the wall before looking at the other man, surely Negan didn't think he would let him in any type of leadership position to shoulder responsibility. 

Negan bit his bottom lip. It was now or never. He placed his hand on Rick's knee. It took a moment for the other man to register it. When he looked at him and Rick didn't pull away, Negan slid his hand further up his thigh.

“You crave attention – all the jokes, the wives…” 

It would normally agitate him when someone psychoanalyzed him, but God that southern drawl, “You have me pegged…now how about you pin me to this floor?” 

Rick froze, feeling his own heartbeat pick up. Negan's voice was deeper than normal, caramelized and enticing. It was a decadent invitation and he wanted to accept. He had heard whispers and jokes regarding the way Negan looked at him when he'd come to Alexandria for pickups but Rick never took them to heart. He told himself it was only an intimidation technique.

“Do you know how many times I've touched myself thinking of your blue eyes and that perpetual fucking side eye you always gave me? I've wanted you since I first laid eyes on you.” Rick looked at him, really looked at him, and Negan's cock twitched. Rick wanted to. Rick Grimes wanted him, "Every night in that cell, I thought of you."

Realization hit Rick like a mack truck. _Shane smirked at him from a desk during a BLET discussing lack of consent among detainees and unlawful use of authority._

Negan felt Rick tense and it scared the shit out of Negan; More than any walking corpse. Negan raised his hand, pulling away from Rick. He held his breath as Rick moved, pressing his hands into the floor and pushing himself up. Negan watched as Rick went to a small room on the opposite side of the living room.

* * *

Rick awoke to the sound of Judith laughing. She, Negan, and Leslie were playing Uno in the middle of the floor. The blue light of early morning poured into the room and he could make out Aaron's figure as he tucked a hunting knife into his belt. 

"You heading out?"

"We'll need more firewood and food soon. I'm going to see what I can find. Happy for the company if you want to come along."

Rick nodded and looked around the room. Michonne and Rosita were preparing the eggs they had taken from the few remaining chickens in Alexandria. Cara was outside tending to the horses they had arrived on. 

Rick and Aaron headed out out after breakfast and were lucky to find two bundles of relatively usable firewood stacked in a nearby shed after throwing out several rotting bundles. They weren't as lucky with the hunt. They happened upon a fawn with advanced wasting disease. The thing had been staggering between two trees and falling. It would walk in circles after struggling to get back up. They wrangled the creature and held it's terrified body still as Rick pulled a hunting knife from his pocket. He pressed the knife against the creature's throat, holding it's head firmly under his arm as it weakly thrashed and warm blood coated his hands, putting it out of its misery. They drug the carcass further from the cabin to keep any walkers at bay.

When they returned, they stacked the firewood a few feet from the fireplace. Rosita was napping in an armchair nearby. Aaron dismissed himself to the small porch to clean the hunting knife. Michonne was braiding Judith's hair as they worked on reciting the multiplication table. Cara and Leslie were preparing a dinner of beans by the fireplace. The canteens were low. He hoped the pump outside would pull enough water for him to wash the blood from his hands. Before he could start back toward the door, he noticed Negan's absence, "Where's Negan?"

"In the bedroom. How was the hunt?"

"Not so good." Rick sighed as he watched Michonne continue her work.

"Luck for you, Judith and I caught two rabbits while you were gone." Michone glanced away from her work, smiling warmly.

"Is that so?" Rick softly flicked Judith's nose as she beamed up at him.

"Negan offered to cook them. You should wake him now, while it's still light out." Michonne nodded toward the smaller bedroom. He kissed Judith's head before setting off to wake the other man. 

Rick pushed the door open and immediately halted. He was greeted with the sight of Negan on the bed, pants discarded to the corner of the bed, knees bent, with two fingers buried deep inside his hole. His eyes were squeezed shut. He was biting his lip as he slowing moved his fingers back and forth and stroked his fully erect cock with his other hand.

Once the shock wore off, Rick slowly pushed the door shut behind him, careful not to alert the man to his presence. Rick could feel the deer's blood drying on his hands. He clenched his teeth as he felt something primal flare up inside him, an animalistic hunger. He wanted to hold Negan's hands above his head and replace those long fingers with his cock. Instead, he held his breath and watched. When Negan came, his breath hitched and a low moan whispered it's way into existence. He pulled the hem of his shirt up as cum streaked his stomach. It was then Negan noticed Rick. Their eyes met. Negan laid in silence, afraid any movement or sound would startle Rick like a deer. Resentment, desire, shame were all festering inside him, mixing into one discernable thing: need. Rick licked his lips and took a step forward.

“Daddy! Daddy! Aunt Maggie is here!”

Negan jerked the deteriorated quilt over him as Judith burst through the door. Rick turned to corral her in the doorway, blocking her view, “Alright, let's go out to help her with the horse!”

As Judith went ahead, Rick looked over his shoulder at Negan and nodded to his clothes. Negan winked at the other man, turning his cheeks pink just before he turned to follow after Judith.

* * *

When Rick stepped off the porch, he threw his hand up in a short wave and faked a small smile. He had been dreading this moment since he had to reach out to Maggie for help. He could tell she had been too. As the horses came to a halt, Maggie and Tara climbed down from the driver's seat of the wagon. Judith threw her arms around Maggie. 

"Looks like a snowstorm is coming. We should stay here until it passes." Tara recommended as she began tending to the horses.

An unfamiliar man rode up behind her with another wagon. There were seven Alexandrians - two families and a lone pregnant woman, along with Siddiq, Gabriel, Eugene, and to his surprise, Daryl. He was disappointed in the turn out of townspeople. He lost faith in people at every turn. Daryl nodded at him before hopping off the wagon. Rick ignored him. He hadn't had much to say to him in the last year.

“Rick…This is Matthew. It's good to see you. I wish it were under different circumstances.” She smiled at Judith and pushed her hair behind her ear. Matthew gave him a short nod before unhitching the horses.

“How's Hershel?” It had been over a year since the bridge ordeal and their friendship hadn't recovered.

“Growin' like a weed. He's in safe hands back at Hill Top but the faster I can get back, the more relieved I'll be. I'll rest for the night and we'll leave tomorrow.”

Rick nodded, turning to help Maggie, Tara, and Matthew unhitch the horses. He noticed movement from the back of the cabin. He turned to see Negan hurrying into the woods.

* * *

Negan had managed to avoid The Widow. With her arrival, he had quickly pulled on his pants and grabbed the two rabbits as he hurried out.

He had found a pathetic bundle of branches and built a small campfire. It had been barely enough to construct a primitive spit grill to roast the rabbits. He sat on a mossy patch by a tree and watched the horses in the distance. Twigs broke under foot and he lazily looked over his shoulder to find Rick approaching. 

“You've been gone for a while…Kinda stupid of you to be out here without a weapon, you think?”

“Well lucky me, now I have a strong man to protect me.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of Rick's mouth, “Guess I should stay then.”

“Like how you stayed in the room when you saw me?” Negan's voice was low, rife with suggestion and pulling him in. He looked away from the fire and watched Rick.

“Yeah, well, I know you like attention.” Rick's smile grew as he sat down beside the other man.

"Ho-ly fuck, Rick. I didn't know you were capable of humor." Negan's mouth stretched into a toothy grin as he looked back at the fire and turned one of the spits. 

When he looked back in Rick's eyes, light blues shied away and he started like a teenager confessing to taking the car out late. “What you said before...You're a prisoner, you can't consent -”

“So you've been thinking about it, huh?" Negan's smile grew when the other man looked back at him in silence. Rick was fucking adorable, "I assure you Officer Grimes, I wholly consent. Not to mention I am out of the cell and was _ even _ allowed to find wood on my own! I'd say I'm on parole.” 

“When we get to Hilltop Maggie will be the judge of that.” Rick hoped the mention of likely imprisonment would turn the conversation. He felt himself on the verge of giving in and he needed to shift the tide that was close to overwhelming him.

The fire flickered over Negan's face and Rick could see him hold his breath in order to keep the tone. The amusement in his eyes fell, but it was replaced by something else, other than irritation or anger at the suggestion, “But for now, I'm yours.”

Rick closed his eyes as Negan's hand squeezed his thigh. Before his morality could win out with shame at the feelings in his groin, a warm mouth was pressed against his neck and Negan's hand slid under his shirt to hold his waist, thumb absently caressing tender skin. Rick let his head loll back as Negan climbed on top of him, straddling his hips as his hands hungrily explored his torso.

The older man leaned back and unbuttoned Rick's jeans. Negan glanced at him and waited for Rick to give one eager nod before delving his hand in and squeezing his erection, “I found the wood.”

Rick glared at him for a brief moment. The man was attractive, even malnourished and scrawny. He looked tired and wasn't as full of himself but the cocky confidence was still there; muted and more tolerable. He still enjoyed his stupid ass grin. He let Negan stroke him, releasing a heavy sigh. He bit his lip as the man's pace quickened, adding slow twists, "C'mon Rick, let me hear you."

Negan's hot breath on his ear sent a shiver down his spine and he released an unstifled, desperate moan. He licked his lips before rubbing at the bulge in Negan's jeans. He nearly whimpered when the man pulled away, leaning back to unbutton his fly and pull his hard cock out. He started pumping both of them and Rick placed his hand on Negan's, “Let me.”

“You don't have to ask twice, doll.” Negan released himself and pulled at Rick with long, strong strokes and Rick mimicked the movement. They worked a rhythm, licking and sucking at each other's necks and jawlines. When Negan kissed his lips, capturing and pulling at his lower one, Rick came hard and loudly; cum spewing over Negan's hand as a few streaks marked their stomachs. His moan of release was enough to attract any nearby walkers. He tugged lazily at Negan, lost in the afterglow of his orgasm. It had been so long since the last one that it felt foreign. Negan gripped Rick's hand in his, encouraging him to keep his movements.

“Fuck that's a nice load, Rick.”

His stomach fluttered as he watched Negan pump himself faster, running his free hand over his exposed stomach and trailing his fingertips through the warm cum, before bringing it to his lips and sucking Rick's cum off each of his fingers, one at a time; eyes narrowed and watching Rick. Rick didn't want to break the contact he hadn't had with another person in so long. He sidled up to Negan, running his hands over the older man's stomach, pressing kisses to his shoulders. This intimacy itself should be a crime. It practically was.

Negan came, biting back a loud moan. Rick licked his lips, curious how it tasted. He leaned over and licked up the drop that was slowing running down Negan's shaft, making the man shudder. Negan tasted muted and heavy, like a mixture of ocean air and a damp forest. He thought of that empty clearing.

“Shit, sweetheart…I don't think I can go a third time. And here you are looking so damn good." Negan pushed a loose curl behind Rick's ear.

Rick pulled himself back to the present, air mixed with cum, not blood, "Me either...It's been a while.”

"Tell me about it," Negan smirked as he pulled his shirt over his head. Next time. There had to be a next time.

* * *

The walk to the cabin with the over cooked rabbits was quiet. As they came closer, they were greeted by Michonne, Rosita, Cara, and Maggie.

“Well if it isn't the Amazon brigade.” Negan chirped, readjusting the rabbit spits on his shoulder. His grin faltered when he heard the hammer of Maggie's gun pull back.

“Is everything alright, Rick?” Maggie pursed her lips, aiming the gun at Negan, who tightened his hold on the long skewers.

“We were worried - you've been out for a while.” Michonne eyed Maggie, speaking carefully and trying to keep the situation under control. Negan glanced at Rick from the corner of his eye, knowing they didn't want him to speak. Rick was looking at Maggie and Negan wasn’t sure why the Sheriff was surprised she had a hair trigger response.

“We were side tracked by a few walkers. Everything is fine. Rabbit is a little burnt.”

Maggie's eyes flitted between the two men for a moment before holstering her gun.

“Let's eat!” Negan called out to ease the tension. He waited for someone else to make the first move, thankful that Rick went ahead as if nothing had happened. Michonne gestured for him to go ahead and he followed suite.


	8. Chapter 8

Dinner had been more awkward than the last. Negan sat himself at a distance from the group, rejoicing in Judith’s company when she took a seat on the floor next to him. 

“The rabbit was burnt.”

“Noted, Chef Ramsey. I will turn down the temp, add an orange sauce, a flower garnish, and plate it next time.” Negan teased, more amused by Judith's look of confusion than his own pop culture comment.

“Who's Chef Ramsey?” Judith's face scrunched up. Negan smirked at her as he ate. She turned from him and looked to the rest of the group for answers.

“He was famous for cooking,” Rick informed his daughter from across the room. He sat with Michonne, Cara, Leslie, and Maggie at a fairly sturdy dining table. Rosita, Daryl, and Aaron were keeping watch over the horses. Eugene and Gabriel sat by the fireplace. Matthew had found a checkers set under the weathered sofa and was in the midst of a game with Siddiq.

“I wish he were here now.” Judith poked at the charred rabbit.

The group laughed. 

“Do you think all the celebrities are dead?” Leslie called out absently. Cara chuckled, “Gordon Ramsey is definitely dead – all those celebrity chefs and A-listers are. Everyday Joes are all that are left.”

“Well we know Rick was a police officer. What did you do?” Leslie inquired, looking at Michonne.

"I was a lawyer." Michonne looked down at the rabbit in the chipped bowl, trying to avoid any further questions regarding her past.

“I was just a college student.” Cara announced.

“Me too,” Maggie quietly offered, still eating the rabbit. Rick watched her and thought about the first group he was with, before even meeting Maggie.

_ “I was in the city zoning department.” _

“I worked at a shitty call center.” Leslie offered, not thrilled about her former line of work, "I almost prefer this."

_ “College football player.” _

"I was a merchandiser."

_ “Pensioner” _

_ “Mechanic” _

_ “Pizza delivery boy.” _

“What about you, Negan?” Leslie called. She found Alexandria long after the war so she and Cara didn't avoid him like the others. Maggie looked up, interested in his response.

“I...uh, I was a highschool teacher." He noticed how quiet the room became, his past unexpected.

"Jesus, I think I'd prefer the apocalypse over that too." Negan laughed, the only one amused by Leslie's response.

_ “Pizza delivery boy.” _Glenn's voice echoed in Rick's ears, whispering from his memory growing louder.

“Negan helps me with my school work.” Judith chirped. Negan visibly flinched, unsure how the others would react. He glanced at Rick who was staring into another world. He recognized the look, disjointed and detached; shameful.

Michonne looked concerned and Maggie was taken off guard, almost amused and disbelieving, “_ You _ were a teacher?”

Michonne stood from the table, quickly shedding the role of peacekeeper and walked over, kneeling in front of Judith, “When did you visit Negan, sweetie?”

Negan closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, trying to mentally calm himself if a dispute broke out. He knew it would.

“When you and daddy go on patrol. When you're both at the council meetings. When you're working.” Judith listed off their carelessness.

_ “Pizza delivery boy.” _

Rick slowly clenched and unclenched his fist repeatedly, his heart beating in his ears. Mentally, he was back in that clearing, Abraham's blood still warm and streaked across his cheek; Glenn's body twitching near Maggie. Of all the people he could have a rendezvous in the woods with, he chose a man who had killed his people, his friends. And perhaps worse than that, what tore him out of the rabbit hole was that he had failed as a parent again – not knowing his daughter's whereabouts when he was away; things could have been worse. What if she had been lured into an empty house by Joshua?

Michonne glanced over at Rick, irritated by his indifference that their daughter spent her free time with a war criminal, “Were you alone with him?”

“I hope you're not implying what I think you are.” Negan's attempt at silence failed and a long lost edge crept up in his voice.

"I don't give a damn what you hope. I'm speaking to Judith." Michonne glared at him, not looking away to wait for Judith's response. Negan didn't break eye contact either, they were like two dogs ready to snap. A tremor of rage shook through him as he tried to keep the explosion under the surface.

“We just talk through the window,” Judith looked from Michonne to Negan, aware of the tension between them. She drew into herself, voice soft with a hint of a tremble, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you in trouble.”

Negan glanced at the girl, six year old eyes looked up at him through tears and he felt his heart break, “Don't worry, kiddo. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

He affectionately ruffled her hair and looked up to see Rick approaching him. He braced himself for a punch.

“Did you know about this?” Michonne was still furious, adrenaline high as she tried to calm herself upon seeing Judith's response.

“No, but I think we're blowing it out of proportion. Nothing happened. She wasn't even in the room with him. We'll take it as a warning to be more cautious in the future." Rick extended his hand to Michonne, helping her up. He knelt in front of Negan, looking at him, “If you ever hurt my daughter, I will kill you.”

Negan pressed his lips together and gave a single nod, his lips parting in a grin. There was the Rick he had always known was there, the one he had caught glimpses of under that kicked puppy facade and who had slit his throat during the war, “Roger that.”

* * *

When night fell and everyone was sleeping, Rick retired to the bedroom with Judith while Michonne stayed in the main space with everyone else. Negan feigned sleep. He thought of the way Rick had looked at him, the deadly promise in his eyes, and it made him hard. That man had been his bitch several years ago and it flared his ego. If the man was alone in the next room, he'd go to him. He stared up at the tiny sliver of star littered night sky through a hole in the roof.

A soft moan caused him to look away from the constellations. He was greeted by just as wondrous of a site of bouncing bare breasts, lit by moonlight. Leslie was naked, riding Cara. A slender hand snaked up her torso and covered Leslie's mouth and the brunette started sucking on them as she grinded her cunt down harder. She grabbed her breasts, squeezing them and teasing her nipples. Her body shuddered as she came. She took in a loud breath and fell beside Cara. They kissed before she slid between Cara's legs to finish her.

“You know I can't cum like that.”

“You're the one who forgot the dildo. I can use my fingers.”

“It's not enough.”

“You wanna ask Negan? He's cute. I bet he has a big dick. I know you have that naughty school girl kink.”

Negan smirked toward the ceiling. Who would he be to object to being the meat in that hot sandwich.

“Fuck you.”

“That's what I'm trying to help you with," Leslie chuckled and went back to her task between Cara's legs. He could hear the woman panting and clawing at the pillow. 

Not all things were bad - he was falling asleep to the sound of hot love making.


	9. Chapter 9

Rick nestled his face into Judith's hair as the frigid air of the room woke him. He glanced through the boards on the bedroom window and saw the ground was covered in a few inches of snow. He caught a glimpse of Negan tending the horses, stroking the mane of one that had arrived with Maggie as it took dried barley from his hand. His chest expanded, it was sudden and his brain found it unprovoked; it was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. It terrified him. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and turned to Judith who was fast asleep. He tucked the blanket around her and kissed her forehead.

Negan combed his fingers through the horse's mane and ran a brush over it's strong shoulder in an attempt to busy himself. The morning had started out better than the night before had ended; Maggie ignored him and Michonne had offered him a few roasted mushrooms Daryl had foraged for breakfast with only a small side of irritation. The two love birds from last night kept smiling at him like school girls and while he'd love to get in on that hot as literal fuck three-way, he knew any action would be met with recourse by the others. Besides, he had his eye on a bigger, Rick shaped fish. And lo and behold, the man was making his way down the steps and over to him.

“Mornin'” Rick smiled at Negan as he turned toward him. He looked better than he had in months, curls slicked back behind his head and a relatively clean blue flannel shirt, bringing out his eyes and hugging his athletic shape.

“Mornin',” Negan mocked Rick's accent. He had a penchant for fucking up good things, “You wanting to go fuck around in the woods some more or accuse me of doing some abso-fucking-lutely untrue and heinous shit?”

He watched the smile fade from Rick's face. Why did he do that? He fucked up a perfectly good moment. 

“I didn't accuse you of anything. I know you wouldn't…you wouldn't do somethin' like that.”

“Took you awhile to chime in…" Negan looked at Rick as he ran the brush over the horse's back one last time. The man was quiet and looking at the ground, not finding the words he wanted. Negan sighed and tossed the brush on top of the saddlebag that laid on the ground nearby, "Look, I saw you last night, Rick. You looked ashamed."

Negan waited for a response but Rick's eyes lowered to the ground, indicating he didn't know how to reply. Negan sighed before continuing, "I don't want that. I sure as shit would have ate it up before…but not now. I know you're the kinda guy who lets other people's failings get to him. I appreciate you saving me from being served with a side of turnips. I really do. But it’s not your fault your people went down the path they did.” 

Negan stepped closer, hooking his finger through the belt loop on Rick's jeans, “Don't beat yourself up over letting loose a little. The burden of responsibility will eat you alive. I've seen how heavy it is on your shoulders - I've been there. I just want to make you feel good - take your mind off all the heavy shit for a little while. It doesn't have to be any more than that. You wanna stop, we can stop. I promise - you are in control...unless of course, you say you want me to take control."

A smirk briefly played at the corner of Rick's mouth. That was the problem - he didn't want to stop. Glimpses of exposed skin or brief, fleeting looks from the other man were enough to take his mind back to the sight of Negan laid out on that bed, “You're not indebted to me. It feels selfish after everything.”

“The Hell I'm not…besides, it's not all about you. I want it too. I don't know if you've seen a mirror recently, but you're pretty damn hot, Sherriff.” 

"I was never a sheriff."

"I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy," Negan half sang, smiling as he pulled Rick closer by the belt loop. He swayed his hips and laughed as Rick shook his head, a half smile creeping to the corner of his mouth despite his attempt to hide it. 

The creaking of the screen door stole Rick from the moment. Rick pulled away and Negan cut his eyes to Aaron and Eugene exiting the house when he heard the door open and put more space between himself and Negan, “Everything alright in there?”

Aaron nodded, taking a seat on the step. “Just needed fresh air. Haven't seen many walkers.”

Negan snorted as he leaned over to pack the brush properly in the bag. The substitution for discussing walkers instead if the weather amused him. Eugene was busying himself with an old radio he had found in a closet. Rick and Aaron looked over at him briefly before discussing the original small talk topic, “Snow will probably keep us another night.”

“Maggie won't like it.”

“She wants to be back at home with her son. I get it. But we can't risk getting stuck in a snowstorm."

Aaron shifted on the steps and retrieved a map from his pocket. He skimmed it for a moment before looking out at the forest to plot his path, “There should be a stream off the Potomac two miles east. I'll see if I can catch a few fish with the poles we brought.”

“Poles? As in plural?” Negan looked up from the horse, eager to escape the tension inside the cabin. Aaron gave a brief nod, looking to Rick, “Hell, let's have a little boys trip!”

Rick looked Negan up and down in silence, unsure of his sincerity. 

“What? I'm serious. Judith is probably tired of being cooped up in there too. We can teach her some survival shit.”

"If it's all the same to you, I will forego the fishing and 'survival shit'. I believe this radio will be fully operational with a little elbow grease." Eugene looked up from the radio.

Negan nodded and looked at Rick, tongue pressed against his cheek as he waited for his response. Rick continued eyeing him in disbelief as he unhitched the horse, looking over to Aaron, “Well…what do you say? ”

“…I'm down.”

“Damn right you are! Someone go get doctor Doogie Howser and let's go!”

* * *

Siddiq had politely declined the invite. No one argued but his attention to Leslie and Cara had been noticed. Thirty minutes into the excursion, Negan forgot why he made the suggestion in the first place. He was freezing his balls off when he could be by the fireplace surrounded by women; the doctor had more foresight then he himself had bothered with. The weather had taken a sharp turn from the brisk autumn air just days ago. He hadn't bothered to include Daryl in his suggestion which was just as well since the man was off hunting, spending as little time as possible in the cabin since he had arrived. The others were outfitted with layers of flannel and coats while he was still in the same under thermals and flannel shirt he had been given days ago. 

“How much further,” Judith groaned like a typical child on a road trip from days past. She slung a bucket in each hand in an attempt to amuse herself. There had been little walker activity and the few they encounter were easily dispatched by Aaron or Rick. Negan would stay close to Judith, pointing out techniques. 

The soothing sound of flowing water could be heard as they neared the stream. Aaron made his way to the water, first, baiting the line and casting it into the water. Rick helped Judith and Negan prepared his and Rick's line. 

“What kind of fish are in there?” Judith asked as she concentrated on the task at hand, as if it would will a fish to bite. Negan attempted to warm his exposed hands with his breath, teeth chattering.

“Probably bass and pike. There's a clear area by that bank.” Aaron stated, pointing to a bank nearby before he shrugged off his coat. He handed it to Negan, “I'm going to see if there's wood so we can start a fire with.”

“Want a hand?” Negan cracked a smile. He couldn’t help himself sometimes. He was a moth to the flame of a bad joke. It was how he made conversation when he didn't know what else to say, “Shit. You know what I meant.”

Aaron glared at him to convey his irritation before continuing toward the bank. Negan turned back to Rick and Judith as he pulled on the coat. Judith was eagerly focusing on the stream, anticipating a bite. He picked up the pole and cast it in the water. 

“What subject did you teach?”

“Good ol' physical education. Majored in history but the program was hit by budget cuts."

“Wish I had PTO meetings with you before all this.”

Negan smiled, taken back by the attempt at flirting. At least he assumed Rick was being suggestive - the man wasn't particularly good at it. Rick appreciated the silence and the slight blush he could swear he saw on the other man's face. He didn't bother to comment how there were no PTO meetings for the physical education department.

"Were you like this before everything?"

"Like what?" Negan cocked his eyebrow, waiting for Rick to summarize him. 

"You're more approachable now. Less childish. Not as annoying." Rick smirked as he watched Judith, leaning close to Negan.

"Some of that was just anxiety." Negan explained in a brief moment of self observation, "Besides, you have to put on a tough face and a big show for the people."

"Anxiety?" Rick was surprised by the explanation, his brow raising as he looked at the other man. He swallowed the anger he suddenly felt. _ You killed two of my people - my friends - in that fucking clearing while running your mouth because of anxiety? _He bit his tongue.

"Mmhm." Negan looked at Rick briefly before averting his eyes back to the water, feeling the tension ebbing off Rick.

“I caught something!” Judith exclaimed, breaking up the small talk. There was no danger of a mutated giant fish pulling her in, but Rick steadied her and held a hold of her just in case. As she reeled in a juvenile pike, Negan felt movement in his line.

“Hey, come on. There's a group of them!” He called over his shoulder to Aaron, who had no luck with the fire. Aaron hurried over and cast his line, quickly catching a third fish.

A snapping twig behind them caught their attention. Expecting to see a few stray walkers, Rick found himself more disheartened to see Daryl, his voice rough as he looked back at Rick, "Hey."

Rick ignored the greeting and turned back to the stream, kneeling beside Judith. Negan was helping her unhook the thrashing fish, sure to keep the barbed hook away from her fingers. Rick smiled at his girl when she looked up at him, smile melting his heart as she showed him the fish, "Toss it in the bucket. I bet you can catch an even bigger one."

"We need to talk." Rick looked back at the man, seeing Daryl nod to the side. He wanted a word alone. Rick really didn't want to hear what the man had to say about Negan, "Is it important?"

"Wouldn't bother you if it wasn't."

Rick looked back at the stream. It seemed he would never have a nice moment without it being interrupted. He felt Negan's hand on his shoulder and looked over, "We've got this. Don't worry. Go ahead."

Rick nodded in appreciation, letting his eyes linger on Negan for a moment. It didn't go unnoticed; Negan flashed a smile at him and gave a wink. As Rick pushed himself off the ground, he turned to find Daryl glaring at him. He felt a switch flip inside him. He walked with Daryl out of ear shot, leaning against an oak tree. He could see Daryl debating what to say to him, irritation was evident in Rick's voice, "Something wrong?"

"I caught wind of a herd moving toward the cabin - about seventeen miles southwest." The way Daryl kept looking him up and down told him there was more on his mind than just the herd.

"You think they'll change direction?"

"Too early to tell but I thought you should know."

"Alright. They're slow so we should have time if we move out early in the morning."

Daryl nodded and hesitated, "I saw you with him earlier. You two looked...comfortable."

Rick tensed, dropping his hands from his hips, "I don't know what you think you saw -."

"It don't matter what I think. Hell, it don't matter to you what none of us think when it comes to him. You made that clear but you shouldn't trust him. He's tryin to get close so he can get past your guard. He's never gonna settle for not bein' in charge. You just don't wanna see it."

Rick chuckled, shaking his head. He wanted to yell at the other man, scream at him, punch him. He hadn't heard so much as an apology from Daryl since the bridge incident. At first he thought the man was biding his time, beating himself up, trying to come up with an apology - after all they had considered one another brothers. But weeks turned into months and then years.

"You keep makin' the wrong choices when it comes to him. Don't know why you can't see it." Daryl pointed at him, the tension mounting. 

Rick shook his head again, smiling into the distance. He couldn't look at him without feeling his blood pressure rise, "I make the wrong choices?"

"Yeah, you do."

There was nothing else to be said. Rick could only assume it must be nice to be one of the many who were able to judge what other people were doing while being able to do whatever they themselves wanted with no consequences. Rick started back toward the stream while Daryl watched him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut at the end. Hope y'all enjoy :)  
For those curious, the Mike reference will be explained later.

When he came back to the fishing spot, he could tell Negan noticed his stiff posture and scowl. The man had been laughing at something with Judith, but his smile quickly faded, "I know that look. He pissed in your cornflakes, huh?"

Rick glared at him, silently reminding him to watch his language. Negan smirked at the domesticity of it all. 

Aaron stepped forward, ignoring Negan, "Things ok?"

Rick looked at Judith, her eyes wide and curious. There was no use keeping things quiet - it had never worked when he tried to avoid involving Carl, "There's a herd a half days walk from the cabin. We'll need to make sure we're ready to leave first thing in the morning."

They made their way back, fish filling the two buckets. As they neared the cabin, fresh footprints littering the snow the snow. Aaron slowly unholstered his gun as Rick gripped his hatchet, “Looks like a small herd. Can't be the one Daryl was tracking."

Rick looked at Judith. He was uncomfortable giving Negan a gun but didn't want to send Aaron ahead without sufficient backup. He raised the hem of his shirt, unable to shake the tinge of arousal he felt when he caught Negan watching with interest, eyebrows slightly raised. He slid the hunting knife from his belt, handing it to the other man, “Stay here. Keep her safe.”

Negan nodded, fixing the sheath on his own belt loop. Rick lingered for a moment, giving Judith a tight hug before setting forward with Aaron.

A little over a mile toward the cabin, Rick and Aaron found over a dozen dispatched walkers. They made quick work of a few stragglers before the forest was quiet. Rick felt a gnawing, sickening anxiety overtake his gut when he saw footprints curving back toward the direction they had come from; these were structured and belonged to several men, judging by the size. Aaron followed his gaze and they took off together.

As they approached where they had left Judith and Negan, they found two dead walkers but no sign of the pair. Rick looked around frantically before seeing something moving among the trees. Three walkers were disposed on the ground as one was lumbering on top of Negan while another was stumbling to Judith. He ran toward them but was too far, seperate by wild brush and blackberry bushes in a small embankment. Negan pushed the corpse off and plunged the knife into the creature's head before kicking the other over and stomping on it's decaying skull. 

Judith ran to him, wrapping her around him. He swooped her up and uttered small comforts to her. Rick felt the tension in his shoulders release and the nauseating anxiety in his chest dissipate just before gun shot rang out, catching all of them off guard. 

A man wearing a cowboy hat and boots stepped down from an embankment with three others. He had shot a walker that was crawling toward Negan, not noticing Rick and Aaron among the brush. He holstered his gun, “You alone out here with your daughter?”

Negan nodded, keeping his eyes on the men to avoid alerting them to Rick and Aaron rounding the bank behind them.

“Where's your mama, honey?”

Judith remained silent, clinging to Negan's neck. The man shifted his weight to support her on his hip. 

“Dead.” Negan stated shortly, looking at three other men who had appeared on the hill.

“Well that's a shame." He nodded to Judith, "Bet she was pretty just like you.”

When the men stepped forward, Negan placed Judith on the ground, ushering her behind him. 

“It's alright. We don't mean no harm. Just out huntin' is all.”

“You look familiar…from before.” Another one of the men spoke up. Negan glanced over at him and had to fight the urge to physically show his disdain. Michael fucking Danford.

The leader ignored the comment and looked at the fish that had spilled during the encounter with the walkers, “That's a lotta fish for two people. We haven't had much luck. Mind sharin' some?”

“No. Would hate for it to go to waste.” Negan offered a false smile, his tone friendly as he nodded toward the buckets.

The other man placed his hand on his gun, “I remember you. You were that shithead teacher that got Jeremy expelled. He couldn't get into any of the colleges because of you – you and that little bitch ruined my boy's life.”

“I would say the fucking apocalypse ruined his life. Not me reporting him for assaulting a girl –“

“Shut the fuck up!” The man aimed his gun at Negan, stepping forward. 

“Put the gun down, Mike.” The leader stepped closer to his man, “There's a child for fuck sake.”

“All of you put your guns down. Now!” Rick pressed his gun against the side of Mike's head. Aaron kept his gun trained on the man with the hat. Rick heard soft footsteps to the side and found himself relieved to see Daryl in the west, aiming his crossbow at the strangers. 

Before more could be said, the hammer of one of the other mens guns could be heard. Impulse took over and he pulled the trigger, blood and skull fragments splashing across his face. He looked at Aaron, his eyes wide. Within seconds of the first kill, Rick fired a bullet through the leader's head, his body falling to the snow covered ground with a soft thud. 

"It's just me - just let me go. I won't come back. I swear. I -" The third man looked at him, fear evident in his eyes just before one of Daryl's arrows pierced his neck. He stumbled, grabbing at his neck but failing, loosing hand-eye coordination as he gurgled, blood spilling from his mouth. Aaron grimaced, putting him out of his misery with a shot to the head.

Judith was watching her father, safe behind Negan and clinging to his leg, eyes wide. Rick holstered his gun, his tired legs stumbling down the hill. 

"It's okay, sweetheart." He was unsure if he was trying to reassure her or himself. He stumbled at the base and Negan's hands steadied him. Judith ran to him and he lifted her into his arms. She threw her arms around him as she sobbed in his shoulder, "It's ok. It's ok, baby girl."

Negan's hand was still on his shoulder. Tears were forming in Rick's eyes as he smoothed Judith's hair, pressing his cheek against her head, lovingly shushing her sobs as he mouthed a heartfelt, silent 'thank you' to the other man.

Negan nodded watching the man comfort his daughter, slowly letting go of his shoulder. He felt a pining in his chest for the first time in years. He pressed his lips together and grounded his feet to keep himself from comforting the man himself. Rick glanced over at him, noticing the softness to his eyes. For the first time, he realized in a different reality they could be considered kind eyes.

"Let's all get back to the cabin. Don't wanna be out after dark if the shots draw more walkers." Daryl walked between them, staring at Negan.

Rick nodded, waiting for Daryl and Aaron to walk ahead. He held Judith on his hip, ignoring Daryl looking over his shoulder.

Rick carried Judith, walking beside the older man on the way back to the cabin. The sun was setting in the distance. The others would be on edge again. When they arrived at the cabin, he could see Michonne standing on the small porch, looking for them. Rick put Judith down, whispering in her ear, "Go hug your mama."

Michonne grabbed Judith, pulling her tightly against her, "I was getting worried."

"I'm fine, mama." Judith looked up at Michonne as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

"You sure?"

"Mmhm. We ran into some bad men but Negan protected me." Rick grimaced, unable to cushion the situation before Judith recounted the events, "Daddy and Aaron and Daryl got rid of them." 

Michonne's brows drew together as she looked up at the men. Rick made his way to her, placing his hand on her back for comfort. She looked to Negan, unsure what to say other than, "Thank you."

Negan gave her a short nod before walking past the little family and into the cabin, knowing his presence wasn't particularly welcome in the little family moment.

"We're safe. Weren't any more of 'em." Daryl offered, easing everyone's minds. 

"Let's get you cleaned up." Michonne guided Judith to the bedroom.

"We'll all take care of dinner. You should get some rest." Cara took one of the buckets from Aaron and smiled at the men, "We found decent washcloths in a closet and melted snow in those tubs by the fire. Feel free to use them."

Rick briefly touched Negan's arm as he walked by, following Judith and Michonne. Negan watched him as he picked up one of the washbins and made his way to the small bathroom.

* * *

"I'm going with you next time. I hate staying here and worrying." Michonne spoke over her shoulder as she wiped a damp cloth over Judith's cheek. Michonne finished with Judith and ruffled her hair, "We found a few board games and put them in one of the chairs in the living room. Why don't you go pick one out and we'll all play after dinner."

Judith nodded and ran into the other room. Michonne sighed, tossing the washcloth in the plastic tub on the nightstand. Rick walked toward her, brushing her hair over her shoulder before pressing a kiss to it. He felt her tense at his touch and he stepped back, "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. It's okay." Michonne pulled him to her. It wasn't. She had felt like she was stuck in purgatory dealing with her own grief as Rick's pulled him away. She didn't want to discuss their relationship right now. He felt like everything was crumbling. The possibility of Judith being taken from him broke the dam that had been built since Carl died. When he looked at her, he saw the family that should have been.

"I'm just tired." She rubbed her own shoulder absently to ease the tension that had mounted there earlier in the day and offered a small smile to him. Rick nodded, knowing it wasn't the time. That time was long past.

"I'll help Judith with those games."

Rick pulled the bedroom door shut behind him. Judith was sitting with Daryl, watching as he, Gabriel, Cara, and Matthew deboned fish. He looked around, noticing Negan was missing. He found the door to the smaller bedroom door cracked, the soft flicker of candle light beckoning him into the room.

* * *

Negan stood in the small bathroom, looking at his reflection in the tarnished mirror. His hair was still short from the last shave he had in Alexandria but his beard was growing back quickly, more grey than he remembered. There was a small plastic wash bin in the sink with a few cups of hot water that had been boiled at the fireplace. He pressed a warm damp washcloth against his face. He pulled his shirt over his head, wiping across his chest and abdomen before dipping it back in the water and wringing it out. He unbuttoned his pants and let them fall as he trailed the cloth down his stomach. He closed his eyes, thinking of Rick pressing wet kisses against his skin and licking his way down; looking up at him with the same flirty blue eyes from that morning. He bit his lip as he wrapped the cloth around his hardening cock, thinking of Rick's hand and pink mouth. 

The dirty bandage on his forearm distracted him, hurrying him along. The bag with the antibiotic ointment was still in the small spare room. He opened the door and was relieved to find the entirety of their little love gang in the living room to keep warm by the fireplace. They paid little attention as he walked past them. He heard the murmuring sound of Rick and Michonne having discussion in the master bedroom as he walked by it, stopping briefly by the door but unable to distinguish any of the conversation. 

When he entered the spare room, the shift in temperature sent a chill down his spine. He left the door cracked to let on heat from the living room as he picked up an old match lying on an old dresser. He lit two taper candles on the dresser and a cluster of pillared candles on the floor in the far corner of the room, dimly lighting the room. He blew out the match and rummaged through the supply bag for the gauze, tape, and ointment. When he found them he made quick work of the bandage change. 

The hinges of the door quietly groaned, catching his attention. He looked up to see a physically and emotionally exhausted Rick Grimes in the doorway. They maintained eye contact as Rick pulled the door shut behind him. Negan pressed his lips together, feeling his heartbeat speed up, hope rising at the simple action.

“I appreciate you looking after Judith.” Rick leaned against the wall, his eyes heavy and red. Rick looked away and Negan caught his face, seeing his watery eyes. He waited for the man to mock him or brush him off. 

“Let me take care of you now.” Negan ran his hands down Rick's tense arms, watching as his face softened. Negan held his breath, making the first move by pulling his shirt over his head. Silence rang loud. 

He took a step closer, eyes locked on Rick. Rick didn't pull away when he stroked his face, instead he stepped forward, leaning into his touch. Negan felt warmth spreading through his chest, the need to comfort the other man over taking everything else he'd ever felt toward him. Rick's eyes shied away, overwhelmed by the attention he was receiving and the intimacy attached to it. When he looked back, he caught Negan wetting his lips with his tongue before he caught his bottom lip between his teeth; the same way that had confused Rick before the war. Back then it had unsettled him but now it caused precum to leak from his cock. 

Their bodies collided, Rick pressing his lips against Negan's, hands running over the older man's bare back before sliding over the curve of his ass, grabbing hungrily as he pulled him closer. It was sloppy and full of pent up desire. He paused for a moment, looking at Rick, gauging his comfort with the intimacy. Rick answered him by kissing him again, exploring his mouth with his tongue. Negan was hard from Rick's willingness, his cock straining against his pants.

Rick melted as warm hands ran under his shirt and explored his torso before unbuttoning his shirt. Negan pushed it off his shoulders, exposing Rick's pink nipples to the brisk air of the room. He moaned when Negan kissed behind his ear, trailing down his neck and over his shoulders. Rick shrugged his shirt off before pulling Negan close to him again, kissing his lips as his hands grabbed Negan's hips. Negan moaned at the other man's touch; domineering, needful and rough. Rick's hands were warm, contrasting the frigid air, sending small tremors through his body. 

It wasn't how he'd always envisioned this: In his mind, Rick would want to be dominated, utterly and completely, and he would writhe for it - needing for someone else to be in control; for someone to tell him what to do. Instead, he was the one aching for Rick, turned on by seeing him own the situation and kill the men on the hill. 

Negan dropped to his knees, looking up at Rick. He licked his lips again in anticipation as Rick undid his belt. As soon as Rick's pants were falling over his thoughts, Negan took him in his mouth, delighting in the shocked gasp it wrenched from Rick as he shuddered in surprise as the warm heat if his mouth enveloped him. He bobbed his head a few times before pulling away with a vulgar 'pop', letting the cold air tease Rick's wet manhood.

Rick grabbed Negan's head, bringing him back to his cock, looking down at him as he rubbed the leaking head against Negan's lips "This what you wanted all those times I'd catch you biting your lips?" 

"Yes sir!" Negan teased, eager to see Rick take control. He flicked the tip on his tongue against the slit before running the flat of his tongue down the shaft. Rick's hand loosened on the back of his head and Negan took the opportunity to shove Rick back on the bed as he crawled on top of him as he kicked his pants from his ankles. 

Rick leaned back on his forearms, letting Negan press his lips along the tight cords of muscle in Rick's neck and down each shoulder. Rick's cock twitched in excitement at the touch of Negan's beard against his skin as the older man trailed more kisses down Rick's chest. Negan smirked when Rick inhaled sharply as his beard brushed over his nipple.

He stopped at the sunken, round scar on Rick's left side, just under his rib, feeling Rick tense up. Negan looked up at the man as he began to lick and kiss it, watching Rick let his head fall back. He pressed one last kiss against the scar tissue as he silently vowed to take out anyone who fucked with the man lying before him. Rick was a people pleaser and Negan wouldn't let that be his downfall. 

He continued down Rick's stomach, leaving wet marks in the wake of kisses. He pressed his lips to the insides of Rick's thighs, just above the hairline, raking his fingers up and down the sensitive expanses of skin. As Rick arched his back against the bed, he took Rick's throbbing cock in his mouth again, swallowing him whole without warning. Rick's thigh twitched and he couldn't repress a loud moan, "Fuck."

He ran the flat of his tongue down Rick's shaft to his balls, teasing them and flicking them with the tip of his tongue before lapping at his perineum. He took Rick's cock back in his mouth, replacing his tongue with his finger, massaging the flesh just above Rick's virgin hole. He watched Rick clench up and looked up to see the man's brow furrow in warning; Rick wasn't ready for any ass play on his part and that was alright; He hit his goal - the pudendal nerve, feeling Rick's cock twitch in his mouth, tasting precum. He tongued the slit again, licking it all up. He began sucking eagerly, feeling Rick's hands in his hair as he tried to hold on to the last bit of control he had.

Rick bit down on his lip as he looked down at Negan sucking his dick. He wanted more. He had wanted more since their brief moment in the woods. He pulled Negan back by the hair again, catching the smirk that caught the corner of Negan's mouth, "I need more." 

Negan stood at the foot of the bed watching Rick get on his knees and lean forward, grabbing at the button of his pants. He caught Rick's hands, stopping him before he unbuttoned his pants, looking down at him with dark eyes, "Need more of what, Rick?"

"You," Rick grabbed his hip and pulled him forward, kissing him hard on the lips. Negan released Rick's hand that was still on his pants, watching the man hungrily unbutton his pants, helping him slide his pants off, underwear along with them. 

Rick froze when he saw Negan's erection, thick and standing at full attention. It was obvious Rick had never been with a man. Negan took Rick's hand in his, bringing his fingers to his lips, watching how Rick's eyes softened and became fixated on his mouth as if it were an entire galaxy, vast, wondrous, and right before him. Negan sucked slowly at two fingers, keeping eye contact. He massaged them with his tongue, generous with his saliva. There was no lube and he knew this would have to do the trick. 

Negan climbed over Rick again, watching Rick watch in a mixture of arousal and uncertainty. He straddled Rick's hips, Rick's erection brushed against the inside of Negan's thigh, causing Rick to lose control as he started to grind against the other man. Negan smiled around Rick's fingers, delighting in the sight of Rick humping him like a dog in heat. He pulled the fingers slowly from his mouth before falling onto the bed beside Rick, pulling the man on top of him. Rick began sucking at his neck and grinding against his thigh. Negan grabbed Rick's hips as he tried pushing his legs open, "I know, baby, I know. I need it too but this takes a little more prep than you're used to. Sit up." 

Rick obliged, getting on his knees between Negan's thighs, running his hands over the man's legs as he bent them. He couldn't help but let his eyes sheepishly fall on his ass. Negan followed his gaze, giving a wolfish smile. Negan took Rick's hand, guiding wet fingers to his needy hole. He was too impatient for just one and guided both wet digits inside him, arching his back with a loud groan. 

It was too much too soon but the stretch burned so good and his cock was twitching in excitement. He brought his knees to his chest, opening himself more. He was so fucking indignant it should be embarrassing but Rick was entranced by it. 

_ I own you _. As Rick watched Negan fuck himself with his fingers, cock throbbing, memories of how dominant and controlling the man had been came flooding back, stroking his ego that the same man was laid out for him, "Tell me you're mine."

Negan was surprised by the dominance in Rick's voice, moaning out as Rick took control, pushing in a third finger, "I'm yours. All yours."

"Only mine." Rick shed all the guilt that had been drowning him and let himself fall into bliss between the man's legs. His lips found the scar on Negan's neck and the man tightened around his fingers.

"Yes, ah, fuck. Only yours." Over the years Rick had regretted not severing the man's vocal chords but when he heard him moan, all for him, he rejoiced that he hadn't. He removed his fingers, delighting in the whine that it pulled from the other man. 

Negan rolled them both over and pushed Rick on his back, his hole was aching. He straddled Rick again and sank down on his stiff cock, watching as Rick squeezed his eyes shut as his hands gripped Negan's waist. 

"No, no, no. Rick, look at me. Look at me." Negan leaned forward and grabbed Rick's chin, biting his lip as Rick's cock brushed against his prostate. His own cock heavy and yearning for attention. He smiled when glazed blue eyes met his, "There we go. Can't have you thinking about someone else."

Rick shook his head, tears welling in the corners of his eyes. He held back from telling him how wrong he was: Negan was flooding his thoughts, overtaking his senses; the touch and sight of the man riding his dick were too much. He was trying not to cum. Negan leaned over the other man and ran his thumb down Rick's pink lips as he rode him hard, clenching his teeth as he worked through the burn. It had been a long time since he let a man have him and he had been craving Rick for years. 

Rick sat up and grabbed Negan's hand pressing his lips against the man's thumb, taking it when Negan pushed against his teeth. Negan watched as the velvety insides of Rick's lips caressed his thumb, his own mouth open in a nearly perfect 'o'. Rick raked his hands up and down Negan's back as he began thrusting upward to match the rhythm of Negan's hips. He pressed kisses against the scar on Negan's throat as he lost control, thrusts losing time and becoming faster, more sporadic.

"Shit. You wanna cum in my tight ass, don't you? Wanna fill me up? God I want you to, Rick, but you will not hear the end of it if you don't get me off first." Negan adjusted his hips so he could take Rick deeper, letting him hit his prostate again. He wasn't a complete sadomasochist. It had been a long time for him too. Rick wasn't ready to take a dick, oral or otherwise - not yet - so he'd have to make sure he came first. He started slowly grinding his ass down deep and slow, nearly panting as he kept Rick in that sweet little spot, fire spreading through the tiny bundle of nerves and to his cock, then deep in his belly while etching up his spine.

"Fuck, I'm close," Negan's voice rose a few octaves as Rick started hitting the sweet spot on his own. Rick released Negan's thumb from his mouth and reached behind him, grabbing at the globes of his ass. He ran his hands up Negan's back and to his hips, grabbing on as he forced Negan up and down faster. One hand slid over his hips and between Negan's legs, pumping his cock hard as he hit his prostate again. Negan gasped, breathy and eyelids fluttering, his cock throbbing in Rick's hand.

"You like that? Hmm?" Rick growled, squeezing Negan's hip enough to bruise it.

"Don't stop. I'm so close. Don't you fucking stop. Give it to me, Rick. I wanna feel it for days. I need to."

Negan's head snapped back as white hot ecstasy overtook him, his prostate over stimulated and Rick pumping his throbbing cock, his ass filled to the brink. Rick tongued the exposed scar that was on full display, pressing wet kisses against the silver line. When he wrapped his hand around Negan's neck, pressing just hard enough, the older man made a terribly desperate noise that made Rick throb inside him. He rolled both of them over, Negan on his back, under Rick. He tilted his head up, gasping as Rick pressed his knees to his chest and plunged back inside Negan. He squeezed Negan's exposed neck tighter as he bucked inside him, full hilt. He pressed the side of his face into the mattress as he thrust faster. Negan's voice hitched as moans poured out of him, filled by Rick. Tears were streaking the side of his face as he tried gasping for air; When blue eyes met his, Negan came hard, streaking both their stomachs. Rick moaned as Negan tightened around him, wrapping his long legs around Rick's back to pull him closer; Negan's hole contracting and squeezing his cock. He let go of Negan's neck, desperately grabbing his hips as he wildly bucked inside the older man, chasing his own orgasm as he spilled his seed deep inside Negan, pulsating.

Rick fell off the other man, chest heaving as he ran his hand down his own sweat soaked face. He looked at it, feeling something dry and gritty; dried blood from the men earlier. He sat up, intending to clean up before Negan's hand grabbed his forearm, pulling him back to the bed.


	11. Chapter 11

Rick had laid in the dimly lit room watching candles flicker long after Negan fell asleep. Guilt gnawed away at him so heavily, he wondered if anything would be left come morning. He tried to push it away but another wave hit him, this one from a different sea. He thought of the people he had left in Alexandria. When he finally drifted into sleep, the sound of sloppy chewing and the sight of gnashing teeth as sinew was pulled from bone filled his dreams.

The blue light of early dawn slipped through the boards on the window. The candles had burned out hours ago. The sound of clothes shifting seemed as loud as war drums when Rick slowly dressed. He was spinning a story in his head, sure their absence had been noticed by the others. He turned the doorknob and held his breath as he stepped through the threshold and slowly pulled the door behind him, he caught a glimpse of Negan rolling over in bed, his hip and thigh exposed, reminding Rick of his sin. He felt the door latch shut and turned to find most of the room staring at him. He pressed his back against the door, wanting to retreat. 

“How long?” Maggie squeezed her arms tight in front of her as she made her way toward him.

Rick looked around the room. Those who had come from Alexandria with Maggie were accounted for. He noticed Aaron make short work of his remaining breakfast before glancing at Rick in an apologetic grimace as he headed out the front door to avoid the confrontation in the air. Eugene sat unphased if not unaware. Leslie and Cara were making their way out with Aaron and Rosita stood with her arms crossed a few feet away. He assumed Tara and Daryl were on patrol. Judith was sleeping on the old sofa, her head on Michonne's lap. He avoided eye contact with her.

“Everyone is here. We can head out now.” Rick didn't know how to address what she was really asking. 

Maggie tightened her arms around herself, her lips pursing into a thin line. Her eyes were bearing into him, as she hugged herself tighter to keep from shoving him and telling him the walls were paper thin, that they had heard the two of them. All night. It took everything in her to not ask how long did he waited after Glenn's death to start fucking his murderer; to accuse him of being biased in his decision to let Negan live, to not demand he end it now - if he had ever cared about her – if he ever cared about Glenn or Abraham. Instead, she glared at him, eyes wide in anger, “We're leaving in ten minutes. Whoever isn't ready gets left behind.”

The door opened behind them and Negan yawned, stretching in the doorway, “Everything peachy?”

Negan looked around the room, aware all eyes were on him before smirking and cutting his eyes Rick's ass, tongue tracing the inside of his cheek. The room was silent as Maggie clenched her fists so tightly her nails almost broke the skin of her palms. She turned away, making her way toward the door. All eyes were fixed on them.

The sudden biting of an apple broke through the silence.

“Eugene.” Negan smiled at the man who returned his greeting with an awkward, short wave.

* * *

"Things seem tense." Daryl cleared his throat and took a seat beside Rick as they boarded the wagon, "I miss something while on watch?"

Rick shook his head, thankful the other man had left the cabin shortly after dinner, "I saw you showing Judith how to clean the fish. Thank you. She's missed you."

Daryl looked off for a moment, guilt resurfacing. He held his words briefly, unsure how to apologize, "Yeah. Guess that's my fault. I'll try to make it up to her."

"I think we'd both like that." Rick nodded. It was good enough. He wanted what was best for Judith and that involved having a community of people to watch out for her.

"Where did you disappear to? You weren't at dinner." Daryl waited for an answer, his eyes flitted to Negan who was making small talk with Aaron on the other wagon, "Neither was he."

Rick shifted in his seat, trying not to delay or hurry an answer all the same, "We talked about the men - how the one knew him. About things before." 

He felt relief as Daryl nodded, accepting the explanation and not pressing further. He was grateful. He exchanged short glances with Negan, thankful for the small courtesy of physical distance that the man afforded him. Michonne ignored him, along with everyone else. He was grateful for that as well, preferring silence over confrontation, especially so early in the morning. His guilt didn't need any help. He felt like a fool - wondering if he was being pulled into a trap. He thought of the people he'd left in Alexandria, the children who were still there. He was constantly second guessing his decisions and now he had a personal one to add to the weight; but it had alleviated the burden of all the others for a short time. He would glance at Negan on the other wagon, still dazed by what had transpired between them. He wondered if they could have bypassed the whole war if he had known it could be like that. He had picked up on the looks but he had taken it for some type of primal establishment of dominance. For the millionth time, he thought about what had happened that night in the clearing and what could have happened instead.

They rode through day and night, stopping hours in between to give the horses a break. Negan had picked up on the tone at the cabin and kept his distance from Rick, trying to save the man more confrontation. He caught Rick looking at him from time to time and he couldn't help but bite his lip, earning a soft smile from the other man. His ass ached with every dip and bump.

Aaron and Gabriel would make small talk on the ride. Occasionally Judith would keep him company on the stops. It took just over two days to get to Hilltop. They arrived at Hilltop early in the morning on the third day. The sky burned a fiery red, like the galaxy encompassing their infected little speck of a planet was ablaze. Negan watched Rick help several off the other wagon as he waited for everyone on his to exit. 

"You coming?" Rick stopped by Negan. The older man nodded silently as he hopped down from the wagon. He let his eyes run over Rick; he was looking good in fitted jeans that clung to his hips. The rest of the Scooby gang were aware and watching. Part of Negan wanted to flirt to spite them, another part wanted to save Rick any grief; that part of him was foreign and he didn't care for it. He eyed the others, irritation evident as he followed Rick to the group. 

Maggie watched him like a hawk ready to swoop down on her prey. She wanted toss him in the cell upon arrival but it was already occupied by two men and a woman who had stolen from their supplies. No vacancy. It didn't really matter. She knew he would fuck up and she wanted Rick to see that, "We have a small jail. If you so much as look at anyone wrong, I will lock you up in there. Do I make myself clear?" 

"Loud and clear." Negan squinted as she stood in front of the sun's ascent.

"We also don't have much housing. Everyone will have to stay together." Maggie's eyes slowly moved from him to the rest of the group.

Rick lingered behind as everyone dispersed. He rested his hand on his hip, looking at Negan, "I need to stretch my legs. They expanded the garden outside of the walls. You wanna walk with me?"

Negan was happy for the suggestion, not thrilled to be in yet another house filled with people who barely tolerated his presence. He adjusted the baseball cap on his head, nodding to Rick, "Thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Negan sat with his back to the garden bed, chucking wilted turnips and brussel sprouts through the wire fencing. He watched as a few rabbits scattered from the brush to creep forward, uncertain of his presence. He thought of Lucille. When they bought their house, it had been mid-spring. They had pulled into the driveway after signing the paperwork and she commented on the rabbits in the hedges being a good omen. Years after the cancer took hold, he would find her on the small deck watching the rabbits in the twilight hours.

"...at all?"

Rick's voice jared him from the memory, "What?"

"I asked if you planned to help or just feed the animals." Rick glanced over at him as he picked up handfuls of pulled radishes and turnips. 

"They still come around no matter how many times you shoot at them or catch them in traps," Negan nodded toward the field, where three rabbits were now openly eating, "We used to have the all around the house...Lucille loved them. She decked out the whole nursery in Peter Rabbit..."

Rick watched the man duck his head down. Rick sat the basket down and took a seat beside Negan. Some topics were too much for anyone. They sat in silence for a few moments as Rick pushed himself to say something, starting it over and over in his head.

"Lori...she was so certain Carl was going to be a girl." He smiled to himself at the memory. It had been a long time since he last said her name, "She bought so many baby dresses right? Carl's closet was packed full by the time she found out he was a boy. When we got home that day, she cried in front of the closet for what seemed like an hour before she took it all down and returned it."

"We tried...it never worked out." Negan popped his knuckles. He looked across the plots of soil to the tall metal walls, trying not to focus on anything in particular. He remembered how selfish he had been. After two miscarriages and so many failed attempts, then the cancer, he had thought he was the one in pain. 

Rick didn't know what else to say, so he said nothing. He held his breath as Negan stood and dusted himself off, "Come on. That broccoli isn't to pick itself."

* * *

When they met Tara to drop off their harvest, Rick was pulled away by his responsibility on the council, "Maggie and Jesus called a meeting at the gate."

Negan still sneered at the name. Rick nodded and exchanged the roots and broccoli for a small portion of flour and oil along with a few eggs. He handed the basket to Negan, "I trust you can see yourself back to the house?"

"You sure you trust me not to run off and bake a cake?" Negan laughed to himself while Rick and Tara stoodby unamused.

Negan made his way back, ignoring the stares of all the Hilltop residents he passed. When he entered the small foyer, he could hear Judith giggling in the kitchen. He followed the sound and saw a happy group consisting of Judith, a girl he'd never seen, Aaron, and Rosita. They noticed his presence and he held up the basket to explain himself. Rosita walked past him as he sat the supplies on the counter. Gracie peered into the basket, "Can I help with dinner? Please dad?"

"That's fine, honey." Aaron exchanged glances with Negan, who had been caught off guard by the girl's existence. He had sent Gracie to Hilltop a week before everything had occurred in Alexandria to help Maggie plan their winter celebration. It had become a post apocalyptic Christmas tradition over the last year complete with gingersnap cookies, and though it was still new, he wanted to keep it going, "Do you want to help too, Judith?"

Judith smiled and nodded, leaning over the island, "What can we make?"

"Well...there are some canned tomatoes and garlic in the pantry. How about spaghetti?"

Negan stopped himself from offering to help, noticing the dirt under his nails and on his clothes. He decided to seek out a bathroom instead. He found Leslie folding towels in the hallway behind the kitchen. Her hair was damp and her shirt clung to her skin. He ignored the growing arousal and kept his mouth shut, a difficult feat for him. 

Leslie noticed him and offered a towel, "There's a working shower around the corner…I'll have Aaron drop off some clean clothes for you if you wanna clean up now."

"Thanks," Negan smiled at her and took it upon himself to seek out a real shower for the first time in years.

The bathroom was at the end of the L shaped hall and looked like a mirage. It was cleaner than many bathrooms he'd seen preapocolypse. He closed the door behind him and turned on the shower. Negan reached up, letting hot water hit his hand. He watched as the water became tinged with soil before it ran clear again.

Negan stripped from the dirty clothes, leaving them in a pile in the clean tile floor. He stepped into the shower and moaned when hot water hit his skin for the first time in years. He stood under it forever, letting it run through his hair and melt the tension in his shoulders.

He lathered himself with soap, lingering on his neck, fingertips tracing the scar there. He smiled as he recalled Rick's grip, blue eyes focused on his mouth. He started pulling at his cock, thinking of Rick's touch by the fire.

"Fifteen minutes are up." Aaron knocked at the door, appointed guardian of the water tank. The man cracked the door and left a neat pile of clean clothes on the edge of the pedestal sink. Negan listened for Aaron to close the door and walk away as he finished rinsing the soap from his body. There was a moment of hesitation but Aaron's footsteps eventually receded down the hall as Negan turned off the water. He held his breath for a moment then dried off and wrapped the towel around his hips, interest piqued by the small trimming scissors and razor on the counter. He ignored the razor, remembering the way Rick had enjoyed the scruff of his beard against his skin. Instead, he used the scissors to trim it up. 

* * *

"I can help with dinner - if you'd like. It's one of the few meals I know how to make," Negan nodded to Aaron, who was sitting at the kitchen island with Gracie and Judith. Judith was turning the crank on a pasta maker as Gracie added chopped garlic to the simmering sauce on the stove.

"I think we've got it covered. Gracie likes to cook." Aaron forced a smile, knowing Negan was vying for Rick's attention with a little grooming and good behavior.

Negan nodded, growing irritated with the man's continuous attempts to cock block him that day. The awkwardness of his own presence pushed him into the living room where he found Michonne setting up cots. She looked up, not thrilled at his presence. She gestured to the pile of clean sheets and Negan grabbed a few, starting on a bare cot.

"You gonna sleep in your own bed or should we save some space and take one up?" It wasn't a question. 

Negan glanced over at her, continuing in his work as he smiled to himself at the bluntness of her words, "Excuse me?"

"Don't play coy with me. You're preying on him - you pick apart his weaknesses. You always have. You see how much this eats away at him and you take advantage of it, knowing that's eating at him too."

"It's not like that. He said you two hadn't-"

"And just how is that your goddamn business?"

Negan straightened as he finished making the bed, ready to remove himself from the escalating situation as he saw Michonne cracking.

"No, you know what?" Michonne waved her hands in front of her, trying to steady the storm of emotion that had been raging for days; an already desolate sea, rough with the grief of a dying relationship now raging with betrayal, "Tell me. What exactly is 'it like'? He said he was lonely and you were too? You expect me to believe he would just overlook everything you did - what you are - out of loneliness? And if he did, that you wouldn't use that to your advantage?" 

That also wasn't a question. The front door opened and Rick walked through, juggling two bundles of firewood. Michonne hurried over to help him. Negan stood by idly before Michonne dismissed herself to the kitchen, trying to put as much distance between herself and Rick as possible. Rick noticed the silent anger on her face. It wasn't until she cleared the room that he made his way over to help Rick and Eugene. 

Rosita cut through the room, giving the men a quick glance before heading out the door, "I'm going to help with patrol."

Eugene dismissed himself to follow Rosita.

Rick looked at Negan before it registered to him to make sure they were alone, "Everything alright?"

"Hello, deputy. Nothing I can't handle." Negan purred when Rick looked up at him after they finished stacking the firewood. When Rick straightened his posture, Negan caught his belt loop, pulling him closer, "I've missed you."

Rick smiled softly. The man had kept his distance and he appreciated it, even though he felt an urge to seek comfort in him. Rick let his eyes linger on Negan, "You clean up nice."

Negan let him go and smirked at him as he continued to make the beds. Michonne cleared her throat, standing in the doorway with more linens. 

"You need any help?"

"No, but you should go clean up before dinner." Michonne didn't bother to look at Rick. She already knew from living with him that he had a bad habit of not immediately bathing or washing off after a long day of physical work.

Rick couldn't argue with that. He made his way to the kitchen to say hello to his daughter before cleaning up. He miled at Judith who returned the expression, concentrating on the bread she was now kneading. Aaron was standing beside Gracie as she stirred the sauce and tested the taste. When he noticed Rick, he leaned against the cabinetry and crossed his arms, "You clear the gate?"

"It's fine for now. Daryl cleared the walkers that followed the wagon. I'll go after dinner to secure the perimeter." Rick turned on the sink to wash his hands. He felt Aaron's eyes on him the entire time. He turned off the water and dried his hand on a dish rag.

"You taking Negan?"

Rick glared at him, obviously picking up on the implication, "Wasn't planning on it."

Aaron nodded, feeling the air shift and become uncomfortable. He could see Rick's stance change. He was on guard. Aaronhad noticed Rick's entire demeanor change over the last week, like he didn't feel comfortable among them. Aaron wanted to tell him it would be alright but for the sake of not making things more awkward, he didn't. He didn't mention Negan or the patrol again. He looked back over Gracie's shoulder as Rick helped Judith with the rolls. Judith and Gracie chatted idly about the other children in Hilltop who they'd caught glimpses of. Rick was thankful for the background noise. 

Rick eventually excused himself to a nearby bathroom in order to formally clean up. He gripped the sink, looking at his red complexion, a sign of physical labor moments earlier. The firewood had already been bundled and piled, but the walk back to their temporary home had been a long, heavy one. He wet a washcloth with cold water and pressed it against his cheeks for a long moment, looking at himself in the mirror. As he trailed it over his neck he thought of Negan's throat; squeezing it as he watched the man moan as he fucked him. He drifted back to that clearing. 

"_ Can we talk?" Rick imagined himself back there, on his knees. _

_ "Lucky you, that's exactly what we're doing." Negan was looming over them, Luicille loose in his hand. _

_ "Not here - man to man." He would nod to the RV. _

_ "Well," Negan knelt beside him, biting his lip, "It would be rude of me to pass up a little mano a mano - Simon, keep a close eye on everyone." _

_ Negan jerked him up and drug him into the RV, just like before, except this time Glenn and Abraham had their heads intact and they were watching him. _

_ "I am all ears." Negan drove the hatchet into the table and leaned over him to look out the window. _

_ He knew Negan would have expected begging or a fight. Rick grabbed his jacket, the leather cool against his skin. Negan pulled back to grab the hatchet but Rick was fast, pressing his lips against Negan's, catching him off guard. He could have taken that moment to grab the hatchet. He had replayed the scenario on the ride to Hilltop; imagining burying the hatchet into Negan's chest. He had physically flinched in the real world with the thought of killing the man. Guilt was even heavier on his chest for the thought than the betrayal of his group. Instead, this time he thought of how Negan's lips had felt back at the cabin; experienced and determined. _

_ "I know this is all for show," He jerked the leather jacket off Negan, cornering him against the table, "I know what you really want." _

_ "Yeah? What's that?" He wasn't trying to keep up the persona, the cockiness in his voice fading. His hand was still ready to grab the hatchet, but Rick could tell he didn't want to - he hoped it was real. _

_ Rick cupped him, brushing his thumb over his erection. He kissed him again. Negan leaned back on the table, pulling Rick with him. _

Rick tore himself from the memory and finished cleaning up. It didn't matter now. Lingering on it wouldn't change reality.

"Dinner is ready!" Aaron called into the neighboring rooms as he made his way to the dining room with a serving bowl of spaghetti, followed by Gracie and Judith with the rolls. 

The formal dining table was still intact, seating their entire group. When Rick entered, he saw that Maggie was already seated at the head of the table, bouncing Herschel on her knee while engaged, in light conversation with Michonne, Rosita, and Gabriel. Cara and Leslie filled in beside them Eugene, long with Siddiq.

Rick took a seat on the opposite side of the table, Judith beside him, then Gracie and Aaron. Rick smiled, nodding at Daryl when the man entered the room, happy he decided to join them. He noticed the hint of a smile in return. 

Judith jumped up to hug Daryl, also happily surprised at his presence. As he took a seat at the table, he showed her a bear he had whittled for her and she took a seat beside him. Negan looked among the others, feeling like the odd kid out at lunch time. His eyes fell on an empty chair beside Rick, not realizing it had been Judith's. Rick said nothing as she was now hapilly seated beside Daryl, chatting away to him. 

Rick reached across the table to grab a roll and Herschel giggled, grabbing onto it. Maggie smiled at Rick and what should have melted his heart sunk it instead. Herschel smiled at him and all he could see was Glenn. Glenn who should have been there. Maggie didn't notice the distant gaze in Rick's eyes and continued her conversation with the others.

Negan ate quietly as the rest of the group conversed among themselves. He caught flashes of Rick's leg moving out of the corner of his eye and subtly placed his hand on his knee to steady it, making sure it wasn't noticeable. He spoke low when Rick looked at him, "You ok?"

Rick hesitated, taken off guard by what appeared to be genuine concern, before nodding. Negan's hand moved up his thigh, offering comfort and obscenity in the same breath; Rick relaxed in one moment then tensed in the next. He prayed Aaron wouldn't look past Gracie. He let his hand fall on Negan's, squeezing it for a brief moment to convey appreciation before moving his hand away. He glanced over, seeing the man continue with his meal, unphased. He swept his eyes over the rest of the table. No one paying him any mind.

Judith turned to look at Negan, "How did you know those men back at the cabin?"

The room grew quiet and Negan felt all eyes on him. He absently poked at the remainder of his food with his fork.

"I knew one of them. I taught his son."

"Why was he so angry at you?"

Negan carefully put the fork down, trying to keep his words PG, not necessarily for Judith but to be deemed acceptable by others at the table.

"I caught his kid doing bad things to someone." 

"Did you kill him?"

Negan laughed, "No."

"He said you ruined his son's life."

"It was different back then, kid. I reported him to the police. Back then that meant his kid did some community service and didn't get into a few favorable colleges."

"That was it? What'd he do anyway -"

"I think that's enough Judith." Rick interrupted, not ready for Judith to learn about more injustice. 

"I'm heading to bed early, anyone else done?" Cara stood and offered to take plates. She collected Rosita and Michonne's before disappearing into the kitchen. Leslie finished quickly, following behind her.

"I'm going to head out for patrol,."Rick gathered his plate and fork as he stood. 

"I've got it," Negan took the dishes from him, piling them with his own. He gave Rick a brief smile before making his way to the kitchen.

"You shouldn't go alone -" Aaron started but was quickly interrupted by Michonne.

"You shouldn't. I'll go with you." 

* * *

The walk to the gate was silent. Michonne would glance at Rick on occasion but stopped herself. When they breached the gate, she crossed her arms tightly over her chest, growing irritated with the silence, "Were you going to tell me?"

Rick held his breath. He was never good at confrontation in any relationship he had ever had. There was no point asking what she was talking about.

"After everything we've been through, you couldn't talk to me? Were you just going to avoid me forever? We heard you with him. I felt so betrayed and angry and hurt - after everything, you choose him over me? Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was?"

"I didn't know you heard..." A bitter laugh was stifled behind her pursed lips. She looked off in the distance as tears rolled down her face, moonlight reflecting in the streams. He felt his heart breaking, "I didn't choose him. I have felt guilt for every moment since, that's why I've avoided you. I didn't know how to fix what broke between us. I wanted to, but each day made it more difficult. I love you - I love you so much and you deserve more than I can give you."

Her body was trembling with anger and grief for their relationship. He reached out to touch her shoulder, expecting her to pull away, but she didn't. Instead, she leaned against his chest. 

"Carl's death wasn't your fault. You don't have to punish yourself for it." Was that what he was doing with Negan? Punishing himself with overbearing shame? He said nothing, only pulled her close in a tight embrace. She pushed down the waves of hurt and anger, knowing he was hurting too, "I'll always be your friend."


	12. Chapter 12

The snow made it difficult to run, each step sinking into at least four inches of snow. Darik could hear his heart hammering against his ribcage as he tore through the woods. Tears left frozen steaks down his face as he tried to steady his breathing. His arm was lame, dangling out of socket. 

"Darik!" 

Marcus and Joshua were shouting his name in tandem. Earlier that day, he caught Josh leering at his little sister and decked him hard, bruising the side of his face and busting his upper lip. When he was on guard duty, Marcus and Joshua had ganged up on him and chased him into the woods. When they caught up with him near an old watermill, they tied him to the wheel and attempted to run him under it before the century old wood broke, but not before dislocating his arm. 

Branches snapped nearby. His eyes darted around the dark forest to spot several walkers stumbling in the distance, the shouts drawing them closer. 

* * *

If things had been different, if their relationship hadn't already been at an undeniable end, Rick would have asked for Michonne's forgiveness. He would have told her it was a one night stand - it meant nothing. But even in that fantasy scenario, he wasn't sure it would have been true. He already missed the other man's touch and the sound of his deep voice hitching in his throat; Rick longed for it. When Negan was kind to him, it was like a feral dog taking his wrist in it's mouth and the fear of the bite mixing with an odd sort of affection upon discovering it was being playful and not about to maul him made it better. He knew it was irresponsible and reckless but it was appealing to him all the same

Jesus approached them while they were on watch, helping them dispose of the slain walkers. They drug the bodies to piles of burnt wood and human ashes. When they dropped off the last body, Jesus turned to Michonne and Rick, "Maggie is calling a meeting in the morning so we can lay out a plan going forward."

Rick nodded, unphased by the statement. It was feasible to him - they had no real direction and wouldn't be able to pull from Hilltops resources for long. Rick glanced at Michonne, familiar with the wrinkle of her brow when she was in disagreement of something. She crossed her arms over her chest defensively. Without thinking, Rick stepped in behind her, brushing his fingertips over her shoulder. The touch relaxed her and she could feel his soothing words before they were even words in the rumble of his chest. It was no longer his place to try and offer comfort but she said nothing of it. Rick smoothed his thumb over her soft skin. He already missed the open affection he had taken for granted with their relationship. She said nothing and they returned to the house in silence.

Negan was sitting in his cot, skimming a how-to book on homesteading with little interest when Rick returned. He noticed how tense Rick was and the way he avoided looking at him as he settled down three cots away. Rick didn't want the others to give him knowing looks after the embarrassment of finding out they had been heard at the cabin. He wondered if they had heard every word, from his breakdown to his moaning.

"Can we sleep in the room upstairs?" Judith asked her father with wide eyes, Gracie standing beside her. He nodded, happy to give her a semblance of normalcy that echoed children's sleepovers from the time before. Aaron took the cot beside Rick. Rosita sat on the edge of the cot beside him to take her boots off while Gabriel took the one between her and Negan.

* * *

Tall blades of grass tentacled together around the exterior wall surrounding Alexandria. He and the others were making their way home. Dragonflies and mosquitoes filled the heavy summer air. Rosita mentioned the smell of something faint. The fence hadn't been maintained and Daryl pointed out a spot where the metal was curling back. When they made it through the fence, the overwhelming smell of old death and putrid decay hit them at once, amplified by the sweltering heat and gagging them.

A long gallows stood in the distance. Bodies were swaying from it, some of them reanimated. They moved closer to see if it was anyone they recognized. As they approached the scaffolding it began to rain, drops loudly pattering on the ground. Rick noticed he wasn't being pelted by rain droplets and the ground around him was still dry. It wasn't rain, it was blood dripping from one of the corpses - a pregnant woman with her stomach slit open. It took a moment to recognize her with all the decay, but it was Lori. He didn't have time to register it before a walker swinging on each side of her began gnawing on her corpse. One was Shane and the other Carl, maggots writhing in his eye socket. Rick felt tears streak down his face as he doubled over, emptying his stomach. The sound of Maggie screaming pulled his gaze back, he was looking around but their group had disappeared. 

When he looked back at the gallows, averting his eyes from Lori, he saw Maggie was sobbing on the ground, a bloodied crowbar clutched by her side. He saw the bodies of Glenn and Abraham on the ground under the scaffolding, their heads a liquefied mess of brain matter and bone. A shadow swung over their bodies. He looked up to see Negan's corpse, his head split open, face swollen and bruised.. 

Rick looked over the scaffolding from left to right, seeing Dale groaning, eyes gray and intestines hanging from his open stomach. He also saw Hershel's severed snapping head dangling from a rope. Beside it, Andrea thrashed beside the Governor's lifeless corpse with his walker daughter gnawing on his cheek. Next Beth's lifeless body, then Negan's. The next was the last: himself. The wound from the rebar poured blood, darkening his tan shirt. Most of his body had been devoured. His own eyes snapped opened, his blue irises now milky white. 

Before he could contemplate what to do next, he was lying on a formal dining table in a dining room. He couldn't move. He felt pieces of himself being pulled away. When he looked up, he saw Maggie and Daryl laughing, their faces becoming bloody as they stuffed raw pieces of his flesh in their mouths.

Rick awoke from the nightmare to a dark room, cock at full attention and a hand lightly circling his hips as pleasure blossomed on his neck. His mind was still on the gallows but his body was interested in the current physical situation, instantly switching from stress to arousal. He felt Negan's beard brush over the sensitive skin of his neck as he pressed wet kisses against him and sucked. Negan was kneeling on the floor beside his cot, "Couldn't stay away any longer…"

Negan noticed the sweat glistening under the curls on the back of Rick's neck and in his hairline. Rick shifted uncomfortably on the cot as Negan gave him a foreign look, one of a worried father as his brows drew together and he smoothed his hair back, "You alright?"

The concern flared an unexplained anger in Rick. He didn't want to be doted over like a child. He reached up, running his fingertips through Negan's beard, ushering him to play the part of a determined lover instead, "I'm fine."

The look lingered for a moment before Negan ducked his head back to the crook of Rick's neck, kissing the sensitive flesh. His hand ran down Rick's exposed stomach and past the waistband of his pants. Rick bit his lip to keep from moaning out, surrounded by others in the neighboring cots, eventually capturing Negan's lips to keep the treacherous sound of pleasure at bay. Negan grinned into the kiss, he had always imagined Rick would taste like sweet tea. Instead, he tasted of sweat, salt, and burning wood. He pressed his tongue past Rick's lips and his eyebrows rose in surprise when Rick sucked at his tongue. When the kiss broke, Negan pushed Rick's shirt up and pressed kisses down the soft, haired flesh. 

It had been three nights since they last touched but it had felt like an eternity. Rick stared up at the ceiling as Negan undid his pants and took him in his mouth. Afraid that looking down and seeing brown eyes looking back at him would wrench a loud moan from his mouth, he bit his lip and looked at Aaron fast asleep on his left and then to Daryl on his right. At any moment someone could wake up and see them; see Negan eagerly sucking his dick. It was exhilarating. 

Rick pressed his shoulders back into the cot and tasted blood as he came hard, biting into his lip to keep from moaning and grabbing a fistful of Negan's black hair. He bit down harder when he heard Negan choke on his cum, swallowing it and coughing. He looped his fingers through his for a moment as Negan looked up at him before disappearing back to his makeshift bed.

Rick tried to battle the onslaught of orgasm driven sleep as he watched the man rise from the floor, towering over Rick. He saw the whites of Negan's teeth flash as he smiled down at him before returning to his cot. It made his stomach flutter in a mix of fear and desire. Rick heard the sheets shifting and when he sat up, he looked at the sleeping forms in the cots beside him. He could see Negan jerking off two cots to his left. When they made eye contact, a soft moan filled the air. His cock twitched at the sound. He watched Negan close his eyes and bite his bottom lip as he stroked himself faster. Rick tried to watch but his eyelids were heavy and exhaustion claimed him, dragging him into a deep, dreamless slumber.

* * *

Negan woke to a clattering boom as Rosita dropped a bucket beside him. Irritation was evident on her face. He had stopped after edging himself to the brink of orgasm last night, watching Rick sleep. He was thankful for his own decision, happy to not have to deal with the stiff sheets or tell tale smell of cum in the air. He was the only one still in bed and morning light was flooding the living room. No Rick. Rosita kicked the pale against the metal leg of his cot, "We need eggs. Think you can make yourself useful?"

"Yes, ma'am." Negan's voice was rough with sleep as he stretched his arms over his head and cracked his neck. Rosita rolled her eyes.

After wandering the town center and enduring the glare of Hilltopians, he found the hen houses along with Judith. They were enclosed in a salvaged dog kennel and chicken wire fencing. The girl offered him a broad smile - a stark difference between how every other one of his morning encounters had been. He reflected the smile, growing fonder of the girl each time he saw her. He nodded at her, hesitantly reaching for a few eggs as the hens clucked at his presence. Once he was fairly confident he wasn't going to be pecked to death, he asked the question that had been on his mind since he awoke, "Where's your dad?"

"They're having a meeting. This is Henrietta."

Negan finished filling the bucket, glancing at the sleeping hen Judith was cuddling against her chest. 

"Wanna help me make some eggs?"

"Can we make pancakes too?!" Judith gently placed the hen on the ground. The bird clucked its disapproval of being woken up.

"Abso-freaking-lutely," Negan pushed the gate to the chicken coop open and waited for Judith to exit before he pulled it shut and secured the latch.

* * *

"I had several people at my door last night asking why Negan isn't in a cell. They were saying that he's a bigger threat than those occupying it for petty crimes." Maggie stood beside Jesus as she spoke to the others, "I can't have him driving them against me. I need you to bring him to the cell."

"That's not necessary. He hasn't been a problem in the time he's been out of Alexandria." Rick could hear his tone become defensive. He could see Maggie's eyes narrow and felt the tension forming.

"He's a problem now. He's causing unrest. We're trying to prevent something similar to Alexandra." Jesus stepped forward, trying to ease the tension between the two leaders.

"He was in a cell in Alexandria." Michonne spoke bluntly, offering a more diplomatic solution, "If he spoke to them, made a formal apology, it would help ease their minds."

"You want me to give that man a platform?" Maggie's voice was laced with disgust. She was back on that hill. Anger was boiling over; She felt as if they were siding against her and her heart was breaking all over again.

"Right now they have nothing to go off of and that's causing fear." Michonne spoke carefully, knowing the pain she was causing with the truth behind her words. She saw the was Rick's shoulders tensed, like a dog looking for a fight. She knew she had to be the calm voice in the room. The rest observed, eyes falling on the three of them, waiting for the mounting tension to snap.

Maggie's arms fell to her sides and her eyes grew distant. She knew Michonne had a point, as much as she didn't care for it, "We'll try it. The winter festival is tonight. I'll have everyone gather at the stage in the center of town. He can say his peace there...If that doesn't work, I'm throwing him in. I won't sacrifice Hilltop's trust in my leadership for that man."

Everyone nodded. Rick felt his face cooling as his blood pressure lowered. He lingered behind as the others filtered from the room. Michonne stood beside him until they were the only ones remaining with Maggie and Jesus. Michonne caught Rick's eyes and he nodded at her, letting her know it was alright.

"I'd like to speak with Maggie...alone." He cut his eyes to Jesus who stood sentry by her side. Maggie nodded but Jesus hesitated. Rick's hands clenched into fists and he set his jaw as he locked eyes with the other man. Maggie felt the tension and knew the entire situation would have to end soon. Jesis stepped toward Rick and she grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back, "It's fine. Go. I want to speak with Rick."

"I'll be right outside." Jesus lingered for a moment, but ultimately left the room, pulled the door to the office shut.

"I appreciate you letting him speak." 

"I'm not doing it for him." Maggie pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and stepped closer to Rick, "I'm sorry about what happened with the bridge. I should have said it years ago. I have been so ashamed of what I did. I was so blinded by revenge. You could have been killed and it would have been my fault."

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have kept my decision from you. I should have told you." He hadn't known for certain that he would spare Negan, but he had hoped he would have the self control to do so. It had been difficult and he had been quick to be provoked by the man's goading, but his love for Carl had won out over his hatred.  _ My mercy prevails over my wrath.  _ While they were addressing elephants, he knew there was another, "Back at the cabin - when you asked me how long...I didn't realize anyone had heard us. I didn't answer what you were really asking. I hadn't...that was the first time. I swear. I felt so guilty seeing you after...I wouldn't have done anything like that before...I don't want you to think I'd have done that if I didn't think he was different."

"Thank you for telling me." Maggie had seen Negan the day she went to kill him. Really seen him. She knew there had been a shift in him. It didn't change the fact the Glenn was in the ground and never given a chance to meet his son. She pursed her lips, keeping tears at bay. It was something she had needed to know but didn't want to think of all the same. Despite any redemption, the act felt like Glenn's death was being forgiven, like he was being forgotten all together, "He can't stay here for long. I can't...I thought I was strong enough but I'm not."

"I understand ." Rick placed his hand on Maggie's shoulder and a sob wrenched its way through her chest and out her throat. She pressed her lips tighter together, determined not to breakdown. She closed her eyes for a moment, collecting her emotions and sorting them from her thoughts.

"I'll help you though." She nodded to reassure not just him but herself, "We could march people from Hilltop and Kingdom there to help you reclaim it - drive out those who are no longer hold our values - those who are no longer part of us."

* * *

Rick was already tired when he was greeted by the smell of fresh cooked eggs. It was late morning, the sun close to cresting the zenith to declare it noon. He felt a smile tug the corner of his mouth when he found Judith mixing pancake batter and Negan scrambling eggs at the stove. He watched in silence as Negan helped Judith pour the batter in another skillet.

"Morning." Rick announced his presence, shifting his weight as Negan turned toward him, a smile naturally forming on the older man's face. Judith let the whisk fall into the bowl as she ran to him, flinging her arms around his waist.

"Well good morning to you, officer friendly." Negan took over the batter and began pouring it into the hot pan. Rick's eyes lingered on the long lines and sharp angles of Negan's backside for a moment before he tucked Judith's hair behind her ear.

"Let everyone know breakfast will be ready soon - let the others know. Maggie will finish up work on the festival today. Why don't you and Gracie go help her after breakfast?" Judith nodded and gave him another squeeze before running off to find the others. When she was out of earshot, Rick leaned over the bar, his face taking its usual serious expression, "We need to talk."

Negan's body tensed and he flipped the pancake, waiting for Rick to continue.

"The people here are uneasy with you walking around freely...I think we should start with a small gesture. Everyone will be at the winter festival tonight. You could apologize...make a statement about how you've changed…"

"How I've changed? You think anything I say is going to a difference to those people? Is that some romantic bull shit in your head? Nothing I say will make a difference to them." Negan finished breakfast, turning off the stovetop, "Shit, Rick. Just exile me and be done with it. This is never going to work - living in some fucking harmony…"

Negan silenced himself when he noticed Rick avert his gaze and look down at the floor. He held his breath and went about putting the food on the counter. When he started to walk past Rick, the younger man grabbed his arm, "Stop being so stubborn. You know you'll die out there with no shelter. I'm just askin' you to try - just say a few words - we can't keep goin' to different communities."

Negan's eyes lingered on Rick's blue ones for a moment before he nodded. If it had been late spring, he would leave in the middle of the night but Rick was right - it wouldn't serve him well to leave in the winter. He leaned back against the counter as he watched Rick make a plate. When Rick looked back at him, Negan conceded with a nod to appease the younger man.

* * *

Night came quickly and the center of Hilltop was lit with twinkling solar powered Christmas lights that Eugene had helped repair. Large paper snowflakes crafted by Judith, Gracie, and the other children twirled on fishing line as they dangled from the few trees inside Hilltop. Every resident was gathered around the stage. Negan found himself struggling with the speech he had prepared. He looked out at the crowd of people, many of them were crossing their arms and growing more irritated with his presence. He wasn't sure how to approach the subject. He looked at Gabriel who was standing in the back corner of the stage. The man tilted his head forward, indicating for him to speak.

"I uh...I don't really know what to say - if there's anything  _ to _ say…I want to apologize but I can't really - I know there's nothing I can do or say to make up for all I did." He couldn't grovel before them and get on his knees - though he was sure some of them would love to see it, they would know it was fake; an exaggeration perverting the whole thing, "I thought I was doing what I had to do...I've never handled grief well. I became angry and I lost so much of my humanity because I was weak. We all have stories - I won't bore you with mine but I am sorry for everything and I want to help in any way I can. Rick...he uh...Rick has shown me it doesn't have to be the way I thought it did. I just want to...I wanna thank all of you for allowing me to be here. I can't change the past...I wish I could. I think about it every day in shame. If you let me, I will do everything I can to help. I am forever indebted to all of you."

His eyes lingered on Rick for the last of the speech before scanning the crowd. Many of the townspeople seemed to relax and a few nodded at him to convey their acceptance. It wasn't the best apology, or by any means awe inspiring, but it was genuine. He noticed Maggie staring at him, the usual look of disgust replaced with something he couldn't put his finger on. He felt a hand on his shoulder and noticed Gabriel standing beside him, "We would  _ all _ like to thank Hilltop for your generosity. The mansion is open and the food is ready so let's all enjoy tonight."

Gabriel patted his shoulder and they exited the stage. A small band with scavenged instruments pushed past them. By the side steps leading off the stage, a young woman stood with a basket covered in cloth. As Negan passed her, she reached out, momentarily taking his hand in hers. Gabriel eyed the two of them, but walked past, saying nothing as he returned to the crowd to find Rosita. 

Negan recognized the woman from before but couldn't remember her name. She had lived with her younger sister and elderly grandfather in a small house on the outskirts of Hilltop. They had a greenhouse and supplied Sanctuary with exotic fruits until everything died one sweltering summer. 

He never considered how boring the native vegetation was until the apocalypse. She would linger around when he would make the pickups, watching him. It had amused him but she, being a late bloomer and no older than nineteen, had been too young to catch his eye. The winter before the heat wiped out their greenhouse, he had come to collect their contribution and found that the younger sister, all of six years old, had passed away from bronchitis. He collected half the regular take and said nothing of the unripe half he did take..

"I've been able to grow pomegranates at the greenhouse. I brought seeds for the feast," She smiled at him as she walked beside him and showed him the basket, folding back the cloth. She was in her mid-twenties now and less shy, "Try them."

She plucked up a seed and pressed it against her lips, staining them bright red. She licked the juice from her lips, biting her bottom one as she looked up at him. She was short, standing on her topes to press another seed to his lips. He opened his mouth and let her push the seed against his tongue, smiling at her as her cheeks grew almost as red as the pomegranate seeds. Her other hand brushed over his chest and came to linger near a belt loop on his pants. Her touch was light like butterfly wings, curious but trembling. He wrapped his hand around her delicate wrist, pulling her hand away. Her name had been Hannah.

"I should go."

"It's cold. We could keep each other warm." She pressed herself up on her toes again to reach him, brushing her lips over his. He didn't respond; He wanted to. Every base instinct and desire told him to run his hand into the hair at the nape of her neck and shove his tongue down her throat, picking her up and letting her wrap her legs around his hips. Instead he pulled back just enough and she looked down, embarrassment setting in. She looked at him briefly before hurrying around the back of the stage and into the crowd as they were meandering among the booths and toward the mansion.

Negan licked his bottom lip, tasting the sweet juice still there. He had wanted to find Rick but knew his presence would wreck any happy family moment he was having among his group. He saw the house in the distance, the enclosed back sunroom offering a view of the twinkling lights and people. He decided to leave Rick be and made his way to the glass door.

* * *

Michonne cut into the mansion's lower half bathroom to use the restroom and froze when she saw Maggie gripping the sink. The other woman quickly righted herself when she saw Michonne in the mirror, "Are you okay?"

Maggie nodded, trying her damndest to keep from crumbling. She wiped at her face, "I know it's wrong of me but I don't...I don't like seeing him as human. It makes it harder some how."

"I understand." It was easier to hate someone and see them as a monster than to acknowledge they were human with their own perspective when they had wronged you. Michonne had felt the same internal conflict when she defended Negan in Alexandria, "Come on. You set all this up. Let's go enjoy it."

* * *

Negan watched as candlelight flickered over the room, creating shapes in the shadows. He had found a bottle of whiskey tucked away in the pantry and brought it to the sunroom, making quick use of it as he listened to the residents of Hilltop meandering by outside. He drank from the bottle, letting it burn the taste of pomegranate and Rick from his throat. 

_ His first time submitting to another man came toward the end of Lucille's battle with cancer. She had found out about the other affairs and instead of yelling or throwing him out, she blamed herself and it broke him. He was disgusted with himself and he was being pulled down into the depths of self hatred.  _

_ He was on Holiday leave for Christmas and checking through his work email from administrators and parents when a message from a dating site caught his attention. He'd never made an online dating profile and certainly wouldn't have used his work email. He knew it had been her - Ms. Williamson. He reset the password and logged in. She had posted a picture of him and made a gay profile. It had been juvenile. Curiosity led him to read the messages. "Hey, would love to reem you out next time I'm in the area." "Your profile says you're a size queen - I've got something to stretch you out with." The next message was a dick pic. "Hi papi, I'd love to fuck a daddy like you." "I bet you'd love getting torn open on my dick." He chuckled to himself at the vulgarity of it all. He abruptly stopped when he saw a message from a former student who had graduated four years ago, "I always had a crush on you. I'd jack off thinking about you in the locker room. Want to meet up for coffee?" It was the last message he read before quickly deleting the profile. Later that week, when he had hit a particular low in his depression, he was picking up Lucille's medication. The pharmacist, a surprisingly muscular guy around his age, kept looking at him and it had made him uneasy. Later that night, he got a text at 2am. "Hope you don't mind me taking your number off the info sheet. I saw your profile on POF before you deactivated. You seem like you're going through a lot and I'd like to be there if you need to talk." He ignored it for weeks until Lucille started getting worse and his self worth faded. He needed someone else to be in control, even if for a few moments. He met up with the guy - he never caught his name and let him use him in the restroom of a local sushi place. He never responded to the guys texts afterward but he never forgot how much he loved the lack of control. He had a few similar run ins responding to filthy lack luster ads on Craigslist, letting them punish and defile him. Worst of all, he enjoyed it and hated himself all the more. _

He heard the door open and saw Rick standing by the glass door. The younger man jumped for a moment, surprised to see him sitting on the patio furniture, "There you are. I've been looking for you."

Negan took another sip of the whiskey. Rick was too good for him. His eyes were glazed and distant as he remembered how vulnerable and pathetic he had been, "You should be out there with your daughter."

"She's having fun with the others," Rick took a seat beside Negan, ignoring the edge in his voice. He had been impressed by the speech - the fact alone that Negan had tried was enough. He rested his hand on Negan's knee, "I wanted to say thank you. I appreciate you taking the first step to make amends -"

"I didn't do it for them." He took another drink and watched Rick's pink tongue lick his lips. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to escape from all the guilt he felt for everything he'd ever done but he didn't deserve it.

"Either way…" He watched Rick stand up, waiting for him to leave. He was surprised when he knelt in front of him, placing both hands on each of his thighs, "I really appreciate it and wanted to show you…"

Negan sucked in a deep breath and held it. Here he was, about to have his cock sucked by Rick Grimes as a Christmas present and all he felt was guilt.

"Rick...Darlin', God knows I want this and have for a long time...but I don't deserve it…" He caressed Rick's jawline, tilting his chin up. He let Rick see his face, eyes red from a mixture of the alcohol and self loathing, "You are too damn good for me."

Rick looked up at him as he pressed his cheek to the inside of Negan's thigh, nose brushing his crotch, "I know you're tryin'...You lost your way - I know how easily that can happen."

Rick had an ego too. He had shown it in every instance of conflict from the beginning...his marriage to Lori, with Shane, at Hershel's farm, the prison, and with Deanna in Alexandria. He took Negan's hand, rubbing a circle in his palm before he guided it to his mouth, kissing and sucking Negan's fingers. The older man shifted on the couch, his pants growing tighter. Rick reached down with his other hand and loosened the button on Negan's pants, pulling his cock out. He bit his lip when it stood erect before him, long with a prominent vein running along the underside. Rick swallowed, rethinking his approach. He licked his lips, there was no going back. He leaned into the man's lap, brushing the tip of his nose against the velvet soft head as he ran the flat of his tongue up the thick shaft. He heard Negan inhale, saw his chest expand. He looked up and saw the man's chin and exposed throat. When the older man looked back down at him, Rick saw him raking his teeth over his bottom lip.

Negan could tell it was Rick's first time giving and it was a huge turn on but here he was spilling his guts. It was the whiskey.

"I've lost my way in more ways than one...I...in the beginning...even before all this...I was so weak and I became ashamed of it until I wasn't- I got used to it…I didn't make it better. I became the person you met."

Rick paused, looking up as him. Negan felt his heart drop to his stomach. He thought of his "wives"; how hypocritical he had been in regard to them. He thought of Hannah and how he had wanted her, despite Rick. He thought of Lucille.

"I like the person you are right now. We all have different layers," Rick's thumb stroked his leg, seeing how conflicted the older man was. It was his turn to take away his burdens. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against Negan's faltering erection. He sucked at the head of his cock, eager to ease his mind.

"Rick…" It was a soft moan edged into existence by the flick of Rick's tongue. Negan's fingers stroked the curls at the nape of Rick's neck. He wanted to pull Rick on his lap and grid against his tight virgin hole but he could tell from the way he sucked at him, nervous and intimidated, it wasn't time. Rick was worth the wait. 

He watched in awe as Rick started bobbing his head, sucking and lapping at him. Rick wasn't sure what he was doing so he did what he had liked from his partners and it seemed to work. He also knew a little about what Negan liked; he slid two fingers up the older man's thigh and traced around the tight ring of muscle. He pressed inside, surprised to be met with little resistance. He let go of Negan with a pop, "Been thinkin' about me?"

Ego consumed Rick. This had been meant as a blow job, but he was selfish. He remembered how Negan had looked when he walked in on him at the cabin, needy and eager. Negan nodded, tears in the corners of his eyes from all the pleasure between his legs, "Last night...in my cot."

Rick pushed Negan's legs up on the couch, bending them so he had a full view. He inhaled, taking in Negan's heavy musk. He kissed the man's shaft and teased his balls with his tongue before lapping at his open hole. Negan gasped, surprised at Rick. Rick's eyes flicked up at him for a moment. He pressed a kiss against Negan's puckered opening and massaged his taint before he took the stiff cock back in his mouth.

When Negan came, Rick wiped his mouth and stood up. Negan pulled him between his legs. He unbuttoned Rick's jeans, smiling at his bulging erection. The smell of cum was heavy in the air and Rick's lips were a deep pink. He tugged on the hem of Rick's shirt, urging him to bend down. He caught his lips, overwhelmed with the taste of himself.

A deafening boom and the roar of mass yelling snapped their attention to the windows. One of the trees outside the fence had fallen, bringing a section of the fence with it, along with a small horde of walkers. Rick fumbled with his pants as he stared out the door, "Stay here."

"Like fuck I am." Negan quickly redressed, hopping on one foot as he pulled his pants on. He followed Rick into the chaos. 

Citizens were under the rubble and running in every direction. Rick's group quickly sat to dispatching the walkers. He watched Rick in awe as he moved quickly and in tandem with the others. The glint of metal caught Negan's eye just before a walker lunged a small knife into Rick's side.

Before his mind could register what was happening, he was picking up a shard of the fence and running toward Rick. He knocked the walker over using the metal sheet. It shielded itself as if human when it fell to the ground. He stomped on its head until he cracked it's skull. He kept stomping on it to make sure it was dead - there was no blood but he could feel his boot slipping in a mess of gore under the thing's intact skin, "What. In. The. Shit?!"

Blood eventually oozed around the walker's neck and around its eyes, under a mask. His eyes lingered on the thing as he knelt beside Rick. The others surrounded him, pushing him out of the way. Rosita and Michonne had him back on his feet, helping him to the house. He watched as the hauled him back to the house. 

"Negan!"

He heard a man yelling his name and looked in the direction it was coming from. He caught a glimpse of Aaron helping a group who were trying to support the damaged wall. He was unable to more without the wall falling and was frantically gesturing to the left. When Negan looked in the direction Aaron was directing him, he saw Gracie on her back, kicking wildly at a walker as it bent over her. He scrambled to his feet and ran toward the girls. Judith was throwing rocks to distract it but the thing was too focused on its meal. As Negan ran toward them, he saw the girl pull a small knife from her boot and plunge it into the walker's skull. The blade wasn't long enough to pierce the brain, leaving the knife to stick out of the walker's head. 

Negan grabbed a broken pipe from the debris and swung upward to avoid hitting Gracie, catching the walker under its chin. As it stumbled back, he brought the pipe down on it's head, breaking skull and damaging the brain. It fell to the ground, no longer moving. Negan kept the girls behind him, watching from every angle as he escorted them back to the house. Aaron looked at him, relief on his face as he shouted amongst the chaos, "Keep them safe - stay with them."

"The chickens!" Judith shouted as she took off toward the hen houses. 

"Judith! Judith come back!" He debated sending Gracie inside but wasn't sure if the house was safe. The girl was sobbing on the steps to the sunroom. "I'm going to keep you safe, but we have to get Judith, okay?"

She nodded frantically, tears rolling down her cheeks. He turned his back and knelt in front of her, "Put your arms around my neck. Hold on tight and close your eyes."

He ran after Judith, weaving through terrified survivors and walkers, piggybacking Gracie through the disarray. He caught up to her when she stopped near the chicken coop. Two walkers were close to taking down the kennel fence. He knelt to let Gracie slip down and he tighted his grip on the pipe. He rushed at the two creatures, dealing swift blows to each of them. Judith pushed passed him and opened the door to the kennel. She scooped up the bird from before rushing back to them and locking the door again. Negan opened his mouth to yell at the tiny Grimes girl but he decided against it, grabbing each of the girls' hands in his and hurrying back to the house.

He started to come off his adrenaline high as he cleared the rooms leading to the living room of any threat. He found Rick and the others scattered among the cots. Michonne looked at the bloodied rebar in his hand and he saw the apprehension. He dropped it, alerting the others to his presence. Rick struggled to sit up as Judith ran over to him. She sat Henrietta on the floor to the chicken,s dismay and wrapped herself around him. Rick winced in pain as she pressed against the wound, but said nothing. Siddiq was covered in blood, having just cleaned and stitched Rick up. He stood up, giving the two some space. 

Michonne strapped on her katana and pushed Negan with her shoulder as she made her way into the chaos. Negan watched her leave, less than thrilled at being a glorified babysitter. He guided Gracie to the living room with everyone else. He eyed a bookshelf on one of the inner walls, amused by the inspirational feminist collection there, ranging from generic classics like  _ Little Women _ to several titles he knew from Lucille's personal collection.  _ Good morning, Midnight. Bodily Harm. Emma. Letters Written During a Short Residence in Sweden, Norway, and Denmark _ \- one of her favorites, the cover of her copy had been well worn and pages thinning.  _ The Millstone. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings. I Am An Emotional Creature. _ He settled on Little Women as the most age appropriate, handing it to Gracie. She sat on one of the nearby cots and opened the cover. He leaned against the bookshelf, letting his eyes fall on Rick.

"Thank you for your help...And for looking after Judith, again," Rick spoke across the room as Siddiq finished wrapping the stitched wound. The others looked at the men, interested in the exchange.

"It was nothing," His voice was gruff as he held back from asking Rick how he was feeling and if he could help more, aware of everyone's eyes on them.

"No. It's everything." Rick's eyes lingered on him for a moment before he kissed Judith's head. Negan felt his knee bend as he instinctively wanted to go to Rick but he stopped, crossing his arms over his chest and pressing his back against the bookshelves. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beware: fluff.

"How many were out there?" One of the townspeople asked absently

"Maybe thirty." Negan replied, not taking his eyes off Rick.

"I'm going to help," Rosita picked up the pipe Negan had left by the door. She inspected it, testing its weight.

"I'm sure the others can handle it. Daryl is out there. Jesus is an experienced -" 

Rosita opened the door, ignoring Eugene, "I'll be careful."

"How did a walker stab him?" Maggie was deadpan on Negan. He didn't take the bait. He felt her eyes boring into him but he kept his on Rick. He refused to answer for him, aware of how it would be perceived. Rick was more than capable of speaking. Not that he could. He had been too focused on Rick during the attack to offer much observational details

"Perhaps they're evolving." Eugene theorized. 

"It didn't move like a walker," Rick interrupted, following Maggie's sightline, "It did at first, but then it didn't...it moved with more purpose."

"It was a mask." Negan offered a coincidental piece of information, "A few months before we ran into your group...One of my guys said he killed a walker that was wearing an older one's face . He was an alcoholic so I didn't give it much thought at the time."

Maggie looked at the two men. Negan looked tired but beyond that his eyes held some foreign semblance of concern. Rick was looking back at him, noticing the same thing. A strange guilt crept over her as she realized she was more uncomfortable with how they were looking at one another than the fading thought that Negan had been the one to stab Rick.

"I'll examine it once the location is secure." Eugene offered. No one responded. Maggie sat Hershel on the floor and began a quiet game of peek-a-boo. Gracie and Judith joined her. Everyone began conversing among themselves. 

While they were distracted, Negan abandoned the bookshelf and sat at the end of Rick's cot, "How you feelin'?" 

"Like I've been stabbed," Rick smirked and Negan chuckled, "Know anything about this group?"

Negan shook his head and gently picked up Rick's feet, laying them on his lap. He let his thumb brush against Rick's knee and his eyes rested on Rick's for a brief, intimate moment. Negan dropped his gaze and busied himself with rubbing Rick's feet. 

Rick pressed his lips together as the flutter from the cabin found its way to his chest again. He became lost in a fantasy he hadn't allowed himself to think of, a thought of meeting Negan in the time before. He imagined being in the middle of a separation from Lori; going to a freshman orientation with Carl and meeting Negan at the high school. He imagined the man giving him the same strong, predatory looks as before. He wondered if he would have denied himself. He imagined touching Negan in a darkened gym after the school day was over, pulling off his shirt in the back of a patrol car, or watching him start breakfast for Judith and Carl. 

The front door burst open, pulling him from his bittersweet suburban daydream. Aaron, covered in sweat and dirt, stood in the doorway. His eyes were frantically scanning the room until he saw Gracie, who had fallen asleep against Maggie's side. He crumbled as a storm of anxiety broke and gave way to relief. When he looked at Negan, he felt grateful. He no longer felt uncertain or an aching hatred. He saw him sitting there with Rick.

"I saw you out there with Gracie when I couldn't be," Aaron knelt in front of Negan, knees popping as he did. His eyes became a watery blur as he looked at the man, "Thank you."

Rick noticed the way Aaron placed his hand on Negan's leg and looked at him with a bit more than gratitude. He felt a primal, animalistic rivalry that he hadn't felt since Jessie and her husband. Negan picked it up too, the way Aaron's eyes lingered too long on him and the way he looked over his shoulder to silently ask him to meet him in another room. It was more silent bait and he didn't take it.

"Don't mention it. Between your girl and Judith, I'll have my hands full playing babysitter." Negan shifted on the bed, moving his leg out from under Aaron's hand. Negan smiled at Rick but the former deputy's attention was on Aaron. It made him smile all the wider, enjoying the green jealousy in Rick's blue eyes. He slid his hand further up Rick's thigh, pulling his attention back to him, "That girl of yours is brave - a heroine of chickens."

Rick looked over at her for a moment, hen tucked into her lap as she read to Hershel. Gracie sat beside her, hand loosely holding a book as she leaned against Maggie, fast asleep. Aaron had noticed as well. He stood, going over to her and scooping her off the ground and placing her on a nearby cot.

"I'm lucky you were watching out for her...if you hadn't been there…"

"Hey, she's fine. Everything will be fine." Negan squeezed the man's shoulder. When Rick looked back at him, he leaned forward. Negan felt hope spring up in his chest. His eyes narrowed and he leaned forward as well, ready to kiss Rick despite all the witnesses. Instead, the man missed his face altogether, having only intended to flick a clump of rotting flesh from the hem of Negan's shirt. 

"Guess I should clean up." Negan smiled, leaning over to whisper in Rick's ear, "Want to come with? I could play nurse. Give you a sponge bath."

Rick raised his brow, disinterest evident from the look he gave him. Negan chuckled to himself and stood, eyes lingering on Rick before he left the room.

When he made his way into the bathroom, he quickly removed the blood soaked boots and slid down his pants, underwear going with them. The cuffs were littered with flecks of blood. Negan pulled off his shirt and inspected himself in the mirror, a frown visibly growing on his face. His eyes lingered on the gray hairs in his beard, reminding him of his age. He was getting old. He touched the fading bruise on his jawline from the little shit in the woods. He caught sight of the spider bite and pressed his fingers against it, pleased that it was no longer tender. 

He thought of Rick; of the fear that flashed through him when he saw Rick go down during the attack. He felt dumb for feeling anything other than lust for the man. It wasn't where he expected it to go, as if it could go anywhere. It felt like a punishment. He could fuck it up and remind Rick he was a piece of shit, save Rick any further scrutiny from his people; save himself any pain when Rick inevitably chose his people over him. He had always sabotaged his relationships when they became something real. But to his dismay, the thought of hurting the other man made his chest ache. He wanted there to be something more. He wanted to be loyal and it scared the shit out of him.

_ "Did you know magpies recognize theirself in a mirror? Only a few animals pass the mirror test." Amy smiled at him in the bathroom mirror. Negan raised his brows to convey he was listening and to feign interest. He reached around her to grab the hotel toothpaste, squeezing it on a disposable toothbrush. He was more concerned with battling midday traffic and getting back to the school before his next class than the self awareness of a fancy crow.  _

* * *

When Negan returned to the living room, Rick was sleeping with Judith on his chest. Gracie was fast asleep where Aaron had laid her. Three of the stray residents of Hilltop were sleeping on cots while the rest gathered by the windows. Maggie had moved to a rocking chair, holding Hershel as she watched him silently. He sat on the empty cot beside Rick, measuring his breathing to make sure it was steady before lying down.

He didn't sleep. He watched Rick, counting every breath and staring dutifully at his forehead for any sign of a sweat bead, making sure he would turn septic or worse. He heard Rosita return, footsteps heavy on the worn floorboards as he silently made his way to an empty cot on the far side of the room. The cot groaned under her weight and the covers shifted, then the room fell silent again. 

Judith bristled a few times before opening her eyes and looking over at Negan. She carefully made her way from the cot and stood beside him, "It's too hot."

There were no empty cots. She looked at him expectantly and Negan stood up at the girl's silent demand, watching her take his place. She gave him a brief smile before turning on her side. He looked at Rick and mentally debated lying on the hard metal edge of the cot. He didn't want Rick to deal with stares in the morning and he himself didn't want to deal with a bad back. Instead, he chose the floor between the two cots.

Around 4 am he had dozed off. He awoke to early morning light falling on his face and his arm was throbbing. At some point in the night, he had taken Rick's hand in his when it fell from the side of his cot. He used his other hand to push himself up, looking at the other man. In the pit of his stomach, he feared he would find Rick sweating and ravaged with fever but the feeling dissipated when he saw the man sleeping peacefully.

"Get your ass up and help us outside," Daryl's voice cut through the moment and Negan felt his shoulders tense. Siddiq appeared on the other side of the cot, glancing at him for a short moment before carefully tending to Rick's wound. As the young doctor began to change the bandages, Negan placed Rick's hand on the side of the cot and stood.

When outside, Daryl spoke to him in short commands as they piled the walkers on the bed of a makeshift trailer, ignoring any jokes Negan made.

"Take this one to Eugene." Daryl stood by another masked body. Negan wiped sweat from his brow and grabbed the thing by the feet, dragging it to a small lineup Eugene was examining. He felt Daryl's eyes on him the entire time. He was ready to check in with Rick.

"Let's go. Hurry up." Daryl started toward the trailer of corpses and Negan sighed, shaking his head. He followed behind the man as he led the horse and cart out the gate and to the burn pile. As they neared the spot, Negan pulled his shirt over his nose to shield himself from the smell of old decay, "We'll put a few more on this one then start another pile."

"Any idea how long we'll be out here?" Negan shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked at Daryl. The younger man shrugged.

"You got somewhere to be?" Daryl watched Negan glance back to Hill Top. He grabbed one of the bodies under its arms and drug it to the pile, heaving it on the side of the mound, chuckling to himself, "That's right, you have been following Rick everywhere he goes like a kicked puppy. Guess you're his bitch now."

Negan snorted at the comment, dragging another body from the cart by its feet. He squinted as the sun hit his eyes, "Something like that."

Darly stared at Negan for a long moment, not gaining the response he wanted; He had wanted to hit a chord with the man. He wanted a fight.

* * *

The sun was cresting over the zenith and though the winter air was frigid, both men were sweating under their heavy coats. The silence was growing uncomfortable and Negan watched the other man creep silently over twigs that were buried under the snow.

"If you don't trust me, why are we out here alone?" Negan waited for a response and when it was clear one wasn't coming, he theorized to himself, "Either you're just that stupid - which may very well be the case, or, you're doing something everyone else decided against."

The way Daryl glanced back at him let him know it was the later. Negan smiled to himself, "You don't think I'll tell Rick - since I'm his bitch, as you put it?"

"The others were worried any group they sent would be killed. We're just scouting...for now. Rick knows - he just don't know I brought you."

"He does like to coddle me." Negan smiled broadly at Daryl, raising his brows. Daryl hated how expressive the man could be. He had hoped the trait would have perished when he lost the war. He ignored the comment and saw movement in his peripheral. A buck was in the brush, eating at a wild blackberry bush. 

Negan followed the man's gaze and lazily placed his hands on his hips and let his posture slack. He traced the inside of his cheek with his tongue, thinking of Rick, as he watched in disinterest; Rick all ruddy faced as he sucked him off; Rick making the first move because he wanted Negan as much as Negan wanted him. The sound of the buck falling brought him back to the present moment; no Rick. Just him, Daryl, and a deer carcass he would inevitably be lugging around the woods.

* * *

"Honey I'm home!" Negan dropped the sack of supplies they'd exchanged the deer for. Daryl shook his head, walking past him. Rick looked at them both, unamused by the comment. He regarded Daryl when he sat on the cot across from him, "Find anything?"

Daryl shook his head and Rick nodded, "Aaron and the girls are making breakfast - you should stay."

"Gracie is becomming a good cook." Daryl gave the slightest of a smile, happy to receive the invitation. He nodded at Rick and made his way to the bathroom to clean up, picking up the supplies to drop off in the kitchen on his way.

When Daryl was out of sight, Rick looked over at Negan, his shoulders relaxing after looking the other up and down and finding no evidence of a physical altercation, "I was worried when I found out he took you with him."

"Yeah? How so?" Negan ran his hands over the spines of the books as he walked toward Rick, "Think I was gonna up and run away? I have to stay and make sure they're taking care of your ass."

"I wasn't worried about that." Rick smirked as he swung his feet over the cot. Negan raised his brow at the comment, wondering if he was getting too predictable.

"Oh - you think Daryl is gonna whoop my ass? I can hold my own, Rick. If you don't remember." 

"He's younger." Rick looked up at Negan as he pressed his knees into the cot. Negan audibly scoffed, exaggerating offense as he straddled Rick's lap, towering over him. The way Negan looked down at him, past the sharp tip of his nose and his cheekbones, reminded Rick of sucking the man's cock. He still felt embarrassed admitting to himself that he enjoyed tasting another man.

"Should I be jealous?" Negan licked his lips and then bit into the bottom one, causing Rick's cock to twitch. It had always been something he couldn't look away from. Rick smiled at the absurdity of the question. Negan's eyes were on him. Rick grabbed the man's hips and pulled him closer, feeling Negan's erection pressing against his chest. It felt primal, a boost directly to his ego to have another dominant man so turned on by him.

"If I had asked you into that RV before you killed my people...given into you, would you have spared them?"

Negan tensed for a moment, tholding his breath as he gave true consideration to the question. He didn't want to say he wouldn't have - it was just as possible he would have had fun with Rick and then still killed those men, leaving Rick in the same shock. Or maybe he wouldn't have. He moved across the bed, pressing his lips to Rick's shoulder, "I don't know. I was different then. I'm not the same man."

Rick nodded, it wasn't the answer he had originally wanted but it was better, giving him a sense of relief that everything had not been dependent on him and him alone.

"What should I do about Alexandria? I can't just abandon them. There are kids…"

Negan was surprised by the sudden change in conversation. Guilt at their rendezvous had been eating away at Rick and now he needed to do something selfless to balance the scales. Negan sat back on Rick's knees and leaned forward to press his lips to Rick's neck, whispering between kisses,"Ask Hilltop to send more rations for a few more weeks. We can help them produce more to pull our weight. Keep Alexandria dependent. Go back and reclaim your position in the community. If they don't accept your leadership and your judgement, take the food away. Remind them not to bite the hand that feeds them. I'll help in any way you need."

"You would break your back day in and out for all these people?"

"No. But I'll do it for you. In a heartbeat."

Rick held Negan's face in his hands, pulling him down to kiss. When they were centimeters from one another, Negan reminded him, "Your people may see us."

Rick shook his head, overwhelmed with whatever warm feeling was inching its way into his chest. He reached up, wincing as it caused the skin around his wound to stretch, running his finger over Negan's cheekbone, "I don't care."

Their lips brushed, slow this time; full of curiosity and affection. Negan brought his hands to Rick's face as he deepened the kiss, closing his eyes and licking Rick's tongue. Negan leaned back and Rick chased his mouth, not ready to break contact.

As if on cue, a loud grunt interrupted them and they both looked over to see Daryl standing in the doorway. The man abandoned whatever brought him back to the room and headed to the kitchen instead. The image of the men was still fresh in his mind when Aaron turned and smiled at him. 

"How long has that been going on?" The smile quickly faded when Daryl leaned in close to keep Judith and Gracie from hearing him, his voice a snarl. Aaron's eyebrows drew together, obviously not privy to whatever Daryl had witnesses, "Negan and Rick - I just saw them."

"I really don't think that's any of our business."

"That's why everyone was weird at the cabin, wasn't it? Y'all saw them together or something. It had to be before - he probably planned this whole thing to tear the communities apart - He's using him - and Rick can't even see it. After everything."

"I can't see what?" Rick leaned against the doorframe, tired from the short walk. Negan stood several feet back, knowing his presence would only escalate it further.

"That you're being a dumbass - I don't know what happened between you and Michonne, but you're really so desperate you would even _consider_ _him_? When did you become gay?"

Rick pressed his lips to keep from responding in anger as the inquiry began. Daryl of all people wasn't entitled to question his personal decisions. Aaron was turning the stove off and ushering the girls from the room. Judith looked up at Rick, "You're not with mom?"

"We'll discuss it later Judith - at the right time." He pointed the words at Daryl, who looked at the girl, remorse on his face. When the girls were out of sight, Rick turned to the other man, "This is none of your business."

"After everything, you still don't know him - not like I do. How? I don't know how he found out how stupid you are when it comes to people you care about - but he did and he's using that."

Negan noticed his reflection in one of the glass cabinets behind Daryl. He, knew this was another punishment for all he had done; how weak and cruel he had been. He would get a taste of what he could have with Rick and it would be taken away because of his former actions. It hurt. But even if he himself deserved it, Rick didn't deserve to be disrespected. He pushed himself away from the wall and walked to the kitchen. He softly pressed his hand on the top of Rick's shoulder, pulling him back from the door frame so he could edge through, positioning himself between the two men. He wouldn't let Daryl talk to Rick like he was shit under his boot.

"I'll tell you what I've figured out. You people seem to put all this shit at his feet, but if he picks it up the wrong way you're pretty damn quick to tell him. You should show a lot more respect to him - especially after you nearly got him killed. Have you seen the scar he has from that pipe?" Negan whistled, "I have. Now I'm sure you were all singing kumbaya before I came along - but you did that shit all on your own."

" _ You _ nearly got him killed - if he hadn't kept you alive - " Daryl stepped closer. Rick steadied himself, ready to intervene, knowing the men were about to jump each other. 

Any loose amusement in Negan's tone vanished and his voice was booming, "Take some responsifuckingbility. It is god damn amazing how nothing is your fault. None of you. You're all just weak little victims who don't do a fucking thing to instigate -"

Just as Daryl's fist connected to Negan's jaw, Rick was pulling him away from the older man.

"What is going on?!" Michonne stood in the doorway, eyes large as she glared at the three men. Daryl jerked away from Rick and adjusted his shirt, pushing past Michonne.

"Ask Rick and his boyfriend."

Michonne rubbed her temples, irritated with having to suddenly address the aftermath of Daryl's outburst. Her eyes lingered on Negan for a moment before she looked at Rick, "Let's clean this up."

Rick nodded and looked back at Negan, "There's an icepack -" 

"I'm fine. Go talk to your daughter." Negan leaned against the island, wincing as he moved his lower jaw to reset it.

* * *

Judith fidgeted on one of the cots and Michonne took a seat beside her. Rick stood nearby and Michonne reached out to him, pulling him closer to her side.

"What happened between you and dad?"

"Your dad and I have decided that we love each other very much but that love has changed. We're not together as a couple any longer but we are both here for you and love you so much."

"You'll still spend time with me and teach me how to use a sword?"

"Oh, honey. Of course. You will always be my daughter. Nothing between me and your dad will change my relationship with you baby girl." Judith hugged Michonne and she in turn buried her face in the girl's hair. 

Negan watched the little family from the shadows of the kitchen. He felt anxiety creeping in for the first time in a long time. He weighed every possibility he could fathom: from sneaking away in the dead of night to spare Rick more grief and to run away from the awful thing he kept feeling in his chest, to joining them in the living room. He knew the latter was even more dramatic than the first. He had been so many things in his life but right now he only wanted to be kind and he wasn't even sure how to go about that. 

Michonne's eyes looked up at him and he took a step back. She made no motion for him to join them or to leave, she only regarded his presence - surprised that he was still there. He was thankful for Rick's sake that Judith didn't bring up any questions regarding him. He could imagine Rick flustered and shutting down emotionally, unsure what to say of whatever was between them. 

Michonne stayed with Judith as Rick carefully stood, limping past him and to the kitchen sink, "We need to talk."

Rick turned the faucet on full blast, a trick he'd learned from Lori when she didn't want Carl to hear them fight.

"You don't...You don't have to say it. I understand that this.." Negan motioned between Rick and himself, "...has to stop."

"No," To Negan's surprise, Rick grabbed his face and pressed his lips to his. Negan felt the sink press into the small of his back as Rick's hands ventured through his beard, holding him there as if he would run away, "No."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you're all healthy and coping with the pandemic as best you can. I wanted to let all of you know I'm here if you ever need to talk.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. The final explicit bit I had written as a one-off that I didn't plan to post, but I felt the characters needed some release after being continually interrupted ;)

Negan prodded the hot coals to stoke the dying fire. The blanket rustled on the bed as the body under it tossed and turned from another nightmare. The others had helped clear stored supplies from the room and cleaned the attached bathroom. They agreed for Rick to take the master bedroom, allowing him to heal in private. Negan suspected that in actuality, it was because Rick had been plagued by constant nightmares since the attack and kept them awake.

Happy with the fire, he abandoned the fireplace and returned to the bed, slipping under the covers beside Rick. When the dream showed no sign of letting up, Negan propped himself up on his elbow and wiped the cold sweat from the other man's brow. Rick's eyes darted under his eyelids and Negan stroked the man's cheek in an attempt to gently disrupt the nightmare. He shushed the other man and pressed his lips to his temple. His own dreams had been filled with killing a bunch of skinmask wearing fucks. The dreams weren't the unsettling part for him; It was the need to protect Rick - to protect himself from that horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach he had felt when he saw Rick drop to the ground. He had thought of leaving the night of the attack - he had thought of running several times now; from the all-consuming, insidious thing that had been building in his chest but it had already taken root inside his ribcage. 

The last few days had been the same: He would lie with Rick until the morning sky grew pink with the rising sun and the man's blue eyes fluttered open, still tired from poor sleep. After Rick woke, Negan would help him to the on-suite bathroom, waiting on standby outside the door to help him back to the bed where he would uncover Rick's wound to carefully apply the mixture of vaseline and diluted antibiotic cream that Siddiq had provided before wrapping fresh bandages around Rick's stomach. The first time had been a fight, a last ditch effort for Rick to keep his dignity intact while refusing his help. After a fall and torn stitches, Rick began to begrudgingly allow him to help but never missing a beat to convey his dislike with a long glare. The look eventually gave way.

It was the ninth day since the attack and the first day since then that Rick looked at him with something more than embarrassment and slight appreciation on his face. Rick reached out and stroked the gray stubble on Negan's jawline, prompting the older man to turn his head and kiss Rick's fingertips before securing the bandage. His fingers delicately traced the edge of the fabric dressing and he looked up at Rick. The younger man's eyes no longer shied away from Negan's gaze. At least not immediately. 

It took every ounce of self control inside him not to initiate anything, afraid of reopening Rick's stitches. He had always been prone to impulse and having to say no to morning sex was torture, "Eggs and toast?"

He could see Rick was equally frustrated as he shifted on the bed and exhaled loudly, giving a slight nod.

Negan pulled the bedroom door shut behind him. The others said nothing of Negan's empty cot or his appearances from the bedroom in the mornings, mostly ignoring his presence altogether while happy for the extra space in the living area. 

Judith was sitting on her cot, reading a book from the bookshelf. Negan picked up a small coat and dropped it beside her. She looked up at him, eyes sparkling with the thought of leaving the house, "Let's go."

Early flower buds poked through cracks in the frozen ground. The pair made their way to the hen houses, gathering enough eggs for the next few days. When they returned, Michonne was leaving for her rounds outside the wall. 

"Can I come with you?" Judith looked hopeful for another chance to escape the house.

Michonne hesitated, knowing she was excited to continue their sword lessons that had been halted since leaving Alexandria, "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Judith."

"I miss spending time with you."

"I know baby but now's not the time -"

Judith pushed past Negan, who had been standing awkwardly in the background. Michonne looked at him, expecting him to be amused with the situation. Instead she was surprised to see him put his hand on the front door to stop Judith's retreat. He knelt beside the young girl, his voice gentle, "Hey - your mom's right. We don't know if those people are still out there. She's keeping you safe."

"That's right," Michonne's eyes softened in silent gratitude and she brushed Judith's hair behind her ear, "I promise as soon as my shift is over, we'll start our lessons again. Maybe you guys can bring me leftovers when you're finished."

Judith nodded and squeezed Michonne tight. She mouthed a silent thank you to the man and ruffled Judith's hair. She turned to Negan as he opened the door for her, "Will you show me how to make eggs like the ones dad likes?"

She was referring to the omelets Negan had made the last two days. He nodded and ushered her into the house with a smile at the domesticity in the air.

* * *

Weeks passed and they were no closer to finding the group responsible. People whispered that it could have been the remaining saviors but that speculation was quickly dispelled. Daryl rode out to Kingdom and confirmed with Carol that the small remainder of the former saviors were accounted for. Maggie assured them she could handle the situation if anything else developed and told Rick to continue with his plan to return to Alexandria in the coming weeks. They contributed to Hilltop by hunting, fishing, tending the winter garden and helping Hannah at the greenhouse, sending excess to Alexandria.

Aaron wiped soot from his face and looked at the men around him. It was late evening and they were all exhausted. He had always loved the smell of burning wood, but the corpses quickly overwhelmed that. The fire roared as the other men went to inspect the fence and surrounding area, never straying far in the event the fire got out of hand. 

He looked at Rick in the distance, standing with his hands on his hips and looking over his shoulder. The former deputy was smirking at Negan, who had made some joke that couldn't be heard. Negan's own flashing white smile caught the morning sun, pleased with himself to earn the smallest hint of a laugh from Rick. 

Aaron didn't understand the dynamic between them - why Negan had been so infatuated with Rick since laying eyes on him that night in the field. He had felt sorry for Rick then, having garnered the affections of a psychopath who used his son as cannon fodder to manipulate him after killing his companions. 

Now he found himself jealous. His mind would wander to the memory of Negan on his back in the woods. He knew he shouldn't; He knew how awful those thoughts alone made him, but he was so fucking lonely; dwelling on what he'd heard in the cabin. He imagined Rick blushing on his back with his legs pressed to his chest as Negan fucked him. Eric had always been a bottom but he would indulge Aaron when he wanted more. He couldn't see Negan being so lenient with positions, which had to be difficult for Rick - who Aaron could tell had been straight as an arrow up until Negan took advantage of his grief. Eric had joked one night about the leather jacket, saying that Negan was a "daddy". Aaron hadn't known what he was doing since Eric died and he needed exactly that - someone to tell him what to do. In that moment, he realized maybe Rick did too after having so much responsibility on his shoulders. 

As the fire died down, one of the men from Hilltop came from the forest holding up a skin mask. The area had been combed several times since the attack so it was recently dropped. Maggie met with them near where the mask was found. 

"They can't be a large group," Daryl suggested, "Otherwise, we woulda spotted them."

"It's intentional. To cause panic." Negan shrugged as the group looked at him, "There's a small town a few miles northwest of here. They could be there."

"Let's ramp up patrols. I'll take a small group to check out the town in the morning." Rick agreed, looking at the others for any objection but found none. 

As the group broke up to continue their work, Rick followed Daryl to the woodline, stopping him when they had privacy from the others, "I don't wanna keep fightin' with you. Are we good?"

"Yeah man, we're good." Daryl looked Rick up and down before turning back to the trees.

"No…" Rick shook his head, grabbing Daryl's arm, "I don't want some dismissive bullshit. I know...how every decision I make about him disappoints everyone - since the very beginning. I don't care that you hate him. But you and me, we were brothers."

"Yeah...we were brothers. You, me...Glenn...Abraham. We were family. And you still do whatever it is you do with him after everything he's done to us." Daryl shook his head and continued into the woods. Rick clenched his fists and the words slammed into his gut, replanting seeds of guilt. 

Negan watched from a distance, lingering behind everyone else, waiting for Rick as he started back to the wall. He could see the irritation on the other man's face when he walked away from Daryl. He imagined Rick had looked like that often in the time before; a small town cop lecturing teenagers for vandalizing property or smoking weed, "Everything ok?"

Rick cut his eyes to him briefly to convey he didn't want to talk about it. Negan smiled at him, throwing his arm over Rick's shoulder as they made their way back to the gates. He helt Rick's shoulders tense under his arm but he pretended not to notice.

Aaron stayed behind to keep watch over the fire. As the day waned on, the flames died and the bodies were charred. He and a few others tossed buckets of rain water on the ash. Daryl had returned empty handed to help. He felt the other man's eyes on him, silently prodding him for comment. They had spoken very little since the argument. When he refused to be the first to speak, Daryl did, "I wasn't sayin' there's anything wrong with...Look, you know I don't have a problem with that."

"It's ok. I know." Aaron was content with the man's attempt to apologize and Daryl was relieved at not having to struggle further through his apology.

* * *

Dust danced in the sunlight streaming through the dirty windows of a ramshackled convenience store. Negan picked up a small bottle of expired Advil that had rolled under an aisle and slipped it into his pocket. He could hear Rick and Tara combing the back of the store. 

"Clear," Tara called as they both met back with Negan. The rusted bells on the front door still sang to announce Aaron's presence.

"The auto shop's empty. Two of the cars work. There's a radio station down the street. Eugene wants to check it out."

Rick nodded, looking out the window to the truck stop diner across the street, "Alright. You all go ahead. We'll check the truck stop."

Negan glanced over to Rick, trying to contain the smirk that was edging it's way to the corners of his mouth. He stayed silent and followed Rick out of the store and to the truck stop, parting ways with Aaron and Tara.

They stepped carefully over the broken glass of the front door. The soft sound of glass cracking sounded like fireworks in the silence. The entire street was quiet except for the two men in the diner. 

"You wanna talk about what's going on?" Negan stepped to the side, watching the other man do a quick sweep of the main dining area. Rick had been ignoring him and giving him that nearly forgotten stink eye from long before since they returned to the house after finding the mask. But now it seemed he was feeling frisky and the irony of sex in a relic of pent of frustration was not lost on Negan.

It had been a month since they had any real time alone other than quick handjobs in the bathroom before anyone else was up or by the chicken coops. After Rick healed, the others made sure Negan had as little down time as possible. Daryl had made a point to have Negan accompany him on overnight hunting trips that lasted until midmorning; knowing everyone was up when they returned and Negan was too tired to do much of anything. Other days, Maggie would assign him to hard labor in the garden or the surrounding fields.

Rick glanced back at him with a look that conveyed he didn't want to discuss it. 

Negan pressed his lips together, irritated at the man's stubbornness. Rick looked good with his freshly washed brown curls pushed back and fitted jeans. He himself on the other hand, was a mess. He had foregone a shower, trading it for more sleep after working in the fields from dawn to dusk the previous day. The hot water would have been better for his sore muscles but he hadn't cared for reason at the time. He bit into his lip and tried to pull his eyes away from Rick's toned forearms as the younger man leaned through the kitchen to scope it out. 

Negan looked around his immediate area, finding a long abandoned trucker hat in a booth. Negan shook it out and slapped it on to cover the messy bedhead he had been sporting all morning. As the morning sun flooded the dilapidated diner, he was thankful for the less than prestigious accessory shielding his eyes. He leaned against a retro booth, gripping the grooved edge of the table with his hands. He knew the other man wasn't looking for expired food, keeping his eyes locked on him as he approached. Rick slowly walked against him, pushing him further against the table as his hand grabbed the man's narrow hips. 

"Come here often, officer?"

Rick ignored the feeble attempt at foreplay and hoisted Negan on the table, hands running up to his belt. It had been too long since the sex at the cabin and he needed it, craved it. Rick was modest and couldn't stand the thought of the others hearing them again. His chest tightened at the thought of their knowing eyes flitting over him at dinner. He had longed for Negan to join him in the shower after each long day, but the man had respected his modesty, to Rick's surprise. Daryl's words echoed in the back of his mind and his chest ached. He just wanted to forget all of it. He wanted the guilt and the pain to go away. He noticed Negan's eyes lingering on his mouth as he exhaled a long breath. Negan's lips parted slightly and Rick captured them hungerly. Rick pulled away to rid himself of his belt, unbuttoning his jeans, he needed to feel something else. He looked back at the older man who was making no move to undress. 

Negan leaned back on the table, eyebrows raised and tongue caught between his teeth as he smiled at Rick, who sat about roughly pushing his coat over his shoulders and undoing the two collar buttons on the older man's shirt, "Saw a patrol station when we came into town - could find you a uniform."

The corner of Rick's mouth twitched and he leaned over the man, pressing his lips against his jawline as he unbuttoned his pants, "I don't need all that."

"That so?" Negan felt his chest tighten in anticipation as Rick pulled his pants off and tossed them to the floor. Rick shook his head as Negan's fingers teased his soft curls, "What do you need?"

"You," Rick paused before capturing Negan's lips again. He nearly groaned as Negan pulled away.

"Then why the Hell have you been ignoring me?"

Rick grabbed a handful of black hair and jerked Negan's head back, exposing his Adam's apple. He kissed the protrusion, remembering scattered facts from a basic anatomy class way back in high school about how the deeper a male's voice, the higher their testosterone. He looked at the dark hair covering Negan's thighs. Rick licked his lips. Adrenaline was pulsing through him. All he wanted was to dominate the other man; to fuck him into complete submission to get the guilt out of his system. Negan's eyes were on him, sending jolts of pleasure to the pit of his stomach. He pressed himself against the man's bare thigh, letting him feel his clothed erection. He nearly came when Negan whimpered. 

"Wait here." Rick instructed before disappearing into the kitchen. He hurried through the cabinets, satisfied with an unopened bottle of olive oil. His cock strained against his jeans. He smiled when he found the man where he'd left him. He pressed his hand to Negan's chest, pushing him back on the table. He twisted the cap from the oil and poured it over his fingers, coating them generously. Negan was looking up at him with those dark eyes, lips pressed together in anticipation and thick cock resting against his stomach. 

Rick traced a small circle over Negan's inner thigh, where the thick hair on his legs dissipated to sensitive, bare flesh. He glided his slicked index finger to Negan's tight hole, gingerly tracing the pink rim and pushing just past his fingernail. He watched Negan plant his feet on the table and pull himself down on his finger, taking it to the middle knuckle. Rick was mesmerized by how smooth his finger felt inside the other man, there was no friction like there had been with the spit. He watched as Negan began fucking himself on his finger. Rick added another, pressing his middle finger inside. Negan let out a deep, throaty moan as he took both fingers completely to the knuckle, his cock fully erect. Rick's own cock strained against his jeans, he bit his lip as he fought the urge to fuck the man raw right then.

"Is everything -" The door to the diner clamored open as Tara came to check on the pair. She froze as she saw Rick turn his back to her and Negan threw his head back in visible annoyance, unashamed and naked on a table. She struggled to find words and the ones she did find were quickly stammered out before she left the diner, cheeks bright red, "Oh God, I'm sorry - I...I...we were worried you ran into trouble..I'm sorry."

Negan looked over at Rick who was mortified and frustrated in the same moment, "I'm still up for it if you are." 

Rick glared at him as he finished buckling his belt. Once they were dressed, they met with the others at the radio station. Rick stayed with Eugene as he sent out countless calls to anyone who may be listening and Negan meandered around the small lobby while Tara avoided eye contact with him. Aaron kept watch by a window with a pair of binoculars. 

Eugene gave up after an hour and began scrapping parts to take back to Hill Top. As Rick exited the sound room, Aaron motioned him and the others to the window. Someone wearing a mask hearded two walkers on the outskirts of town into the nearby woods.

"I'll follow, see if they lead us to more of them," Tara offered.

"I'll go with you." Aaron nodded, looking to Rick for confirmation.

Rick nodded, "Keep your distance and stay low."

* * *

As the day waned on, Rick became anxious. Just as he started to set out to find Tara and Aaron, they came through the lobby doors with a young girl. 

"They have a camp - about three miles south. There's around fifty give or take. She was with two others that found us."

"Where are the others?"

"We took care of them - and then the walkers took care of what was left."

"If you keep me, they will come looking." The girl warned, "Let me go and I won't say anything about this."

"Why did your people attack us?" Rick nodded for Tara and Aaron to release the girl. 

"Some of the others had been watching - they wanted to leave and join you. Alpha attacked to show them what you have is an illusion. When the attack failed, she killed them instead."

Negan whistled, "Sounds like your leader is bat shit crazy, kid."

"Are they planning to attack again? Would they trade you for a treaty?"

"I...I don't know." The girl was obviously terrified, though Rick was uncertain if it was of them or the possible trade.

"We'll find out." Rick grabbed the bag from the table and dumped out the rotten candy before tossing it over the girl's head.

* * *

They took the girl back to Hill Top to discuss the trade with Maggie, who locked the girl in the cells as they called a meeting among the council. They all agreed to ask for a truce in exchange for the girl but Rick wasn't willing to risk his people in the trade. He dismissed himself from dinner, retiring to the empty living room to be alone with his thoughts. He could go himself. If something happened, Judith would have Michonne. 

He heard footsteps and looked up to see Negan walking toward him. The man knelt in front of him, looking him dead in the face, "You're thinking of handing the girl over by yourself aren't you?"

"If we go as a group, they could kill us all. The communities would have no leaders."

"Judith can't lose you. I won't let that happen. You need to be a little less selfless. Think about your girl. Send me."

"What?"

"I need to prove myself. These people only tolerate me out of respect for you - and that's just barely. I'll ask to join them. Let you know if they're planning anything."

"No, that's too dangerous - what if they kill you? It would start another war we don't have the resources for."

"Rick, I promise you, no one will want to start a war over my death - it's very little risk. Trust me."

"I don't want you killed either." Rick was irritated he had to say it, "No more than any of the others."

"Aw, Rick!" Negan feigned flattery, pressing his hand to his chest. He laughed when Rick set his jaw, a hint at his growing annoyance with Negan's dismissiveness. He grabbed the man's arm when he began to walk away, "I don't wanna be away from you either - believe it or not, I've grown fond of that persistent stink eye - but I know you don't wanna risk your people."

Negan watched Rick's shoulders relax as he opened up to the suggestion, "I'll think on it. I don't want to make a decision tonight. We still need to deliver rations to Alexandria. After the last drop-off Tara said things seemed off. I need to check in there and take care of that first before we start dealing with a new group."

"Oh, you don't have to tell me twice! I am all for seeing you lay down the law and restore order." Negan flashed a toothy grin as he pulled the bottle of oil from his pocket and held it up, "But you need to loosen up first...or maybe loosen me up. Let's have a little fun. I brought back a souvenir." 

Rick grabbed his hand and led him to the upstairs bedroom, where no one would look for them.

Negan walked in first, looking at Rick as he closed the door. Rick lingered there for a moment and Negan could see the gears turning before the man approached him, "How do I know I can trust you - that you won't betray us if you go out there?"

Negan looked at Rick. The man was focused on his lips, sexual tension high. He smirked, "You don't."

Rick's mouth devoured Negan's, his hands sliding under the older man's shirt where they hungerly grasped his flesh. He walked him against the far wall, grabbing his hands and holding them above his head, voice a near growl, "I need you to tell me."

"I am yours." Negan thrust his hips forward, thirsty for contact as his cock strained against the seam of his pants. He was loving every bit of dominance and animalistic hunger radiating off the younger man. The way Rick glared at him like a wolf stalking its prey - the fact he could elicit that behavior from a modest, honest to God  _ good _ man, set his skin on fire.

Rick grabbed Negan's hips and grinded against the man, giving him the friction he needed. He jerked Negan's shirt over his head, branding the other man's shoulders with his kisses, "You provide for me."

"I provide for you," Negan moaned as he heard the long delayed echo ghosting over the kisses on his skin. He watched in anticipation as Rick undid the buttons on his shirt. He handed the bottle of oil to Rick. When Rick's eyes flicked down to his jeans, Negan wasted no time deciphering the silent command. He stepped out of his own pants and quickly dropped to his knees as he reached out to unbotton Rick's. 

Blue eyes were fixed on Negan as he slid his belt from the loops in his jeans. He placed the leather strap around Negan's shoulders, pulling him forward as he paced backwards to the chair. His cock twitched as he watched Negan walk on his knees.

"You answer to me." Rick sat in the chair and reached out, running his thumb along Negan's jaw, resting it on the older man's lips. He could feel his breath against his thumb. Rick's blue eyes were fierce as he waited for the words, making Negan harder.

"I answer to you." Without missing a beat Negan kissed the man's thumb and brushed his face against it like a cat desperate to be petted. He looked back at Rick as he took the digit in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it and bobbing his head. Rick pulled away, wiping his thumb along the stubble of Negan's beard. He ushered Negan off the floor and unbuttoned his pants, looking up at him as he twisted the cap off the oil. He coated his fingers before sitting it on the floor. He motioned for Negan to turn around so his back was to Rick. 

Rick felt something primal when he saw the man shiver. He bit back the urge to push him on the floor and fuck him into it. Instead he grabbed the man's hips and pulled him down on his lap. He sucked at the man's tanned flesh, hot from the sunburn he gained from working outside for long hours. He left his mark down the man's neck, sucking and nipping. Rick's hands explored Negan's skinny thighs, spreading them far apart so he had free range to play with the older man's tight hole. He traced the tight ring of muscle, slicking the rim. He plunged his middle finger in without warning, tightening his other arm around Negan's stomach as he arched against him, "You belong to me."

"I belong to you," Negan panted as Rick pushed in another finger without mercy, stretching him open. Rick looked down Negan's body, need growing as he saw precum leaking from the head of the man's painfully erect cock.

* * *

Aaron carefully ascended the stairs, mindful of the two creaking steps. He ignored the empty loft where Judith and Gracie had set-up tents with unused chairs and tattered sheets, happy they were downstairs doting over Hershel. He needed privacy.

He froze with his hand on the doorknob. He was greeted by the sight of both men on display and all of his presumptions about their relationship shattered: They were facing him, eyes taught shut in the throws of passion. Negan was sitting on Rick's lap, legs spread wide, showcasing Rick thrusting up inside him, nipples deep pink as Rick teased and twisted them. Rick's facewas buried in the dip of Negan's neck as he thrust upwards, fucking into him harder. The older man was biting into his bottom lip to try to stifle the grunts and gasps in his throat, head tossed back as Rick used him like a ragdoll. Negan was relishing it, his cheeks reddened and bliss spread over his face as Rick's hands skimmed down his chest, running over his stomach and then down to trace each of his inner thighs, pushing him apart more as Rick fucked him faster. Hands ran back toward Negan's groin, one hand taking his painfully erect cock and the other massaging the skin between his heavy balls and filled asshole. Rick slid his other hand around and played with the dark hair on Negan's stomach, twisting the bits that wet from his neglected manhood rubbing against them. Aaron swallowed hard as his dick responded. 

Rick took the other man's cock in his hand and moaned against Negan's neck before trailing sloppy kisses along it.

"I need you to cum in me. Nut in me, Rick. Fucking fill me up." Negan leaned back into Rick's chest. Rick blushed at the vulgarity of the other man, his voice strained, desperate and begging. 

Rick thrust harder, sweat beading on his forehead. He pumped Negan's cock faster, red from being so teased. Rick licked his lips, wanting to lap up the streaks of precum leaking from the fat head instead, "Cum in me so hard, I'll have you dripping out of me for days."

Aaron told himself to leave but he couldn't tear his eyes away. He imagined sucking Negan's cock and fingering his stretched hole, stroking Rick inside of him. Then, sliding his fingers out and pressing one inside Rick's tight hole. It had been so long. He felt tears threaten to fall from his eyes. He was pining for the men who had caused Eric's death. 

He stepped away from the door, guilt overcoming him. When he made his way down the stairs, he checked on Gracie and made his way to the gates to help with patrol. 

  
  



	15. Chapter 15

Rick could still taste the man's blood after all these years. Copper. Metallic. Still warm as it covered his face and coated his throat. Not particularly appetizing. He thought about that night often; how he had been forced to animalistic means by the depravity of other men. It wasn't night and he wasn't on the road with Carl. The memory was still there and the feelings were resurfacing.

The scent of honeysuckle was in the air, wafting from the patches growing along Hilltop's walls. The sun was high overhead and he stood with Maggie, Jesus, Michonne, and Aaron in the small watchtower by Hilltop's gate. He looked down at the masked man towering over Daryl and Negan. Rick's hand curled into a fist as he saw the bruises on both men and noticed how Negan was wincing while leaning into his side. 

"You have something of mine." A woman stepped forward, addressing the group in the watchtower, "I am willing to make an exchange. Two of yours for one of mine."

Rick looked at the woman before his eyes fell back to the tall man looming over Daryl and Negan. He felt a hand grab his forearm.

"We need to keep them here long enough to get answers out of them." Maggie whispered through clenched teeth. She looked at him and saw he was unyielding, "Why did you attack?"

"This one has been poaching our territory. Taking our game. It has riled some of our people. Now I agree, the attack was an overstep. We had some...defectors who took it upon themselves to plan that attack. Those who returned were punished. Return the girl and I can assure you it will not happen again - if you respect our border."

Maggie felt a flash of rage envelope her when she saw Rick nod with such finality and certainty to seal the truce. Never had such a small gesture affected her so much. As he opened his mouth to verbally agree, she spoke up, ignoring the glare he cast her way, "Where is this border?"

"The large cemetery to the East and the woods beyond to a small town." The leader of the group walked behind Daryl and Negan, curious to follow the trajectory of Rick's glances.

"We haven't explored much of that area - there could be something useful there." Jesus whispered to Maggie.

"We could work together. We don't need to avoid each other." Rick offered, though he wasn't optimistic. 

"Your way of life is not our way. It is a lie and not sustainable. Leave us be and we will do the same. Are we at an agreement?" The woman noticed how his gaze always fell on the older man. As a small group of walkers emerged from the treeline, the woman grew weary waiting for an answer. She unsheathed the knife on her hip and jerked Negan's head back, pressing the knife against the scar on his throat. She smiled when she saw Rick jerk, "I need an answer. Now. Or I'll kill this one and keep the other until you're ready to trade."

"Yes. Send our men through the gate." Rick could see Maggie glaring at him but he wouldn't barter lives over a small stretch of land. He watched as the woman backed away and the large man jerked Daryl to his feet. Negan struggled to stand with his hands tied behind his back. 

As they made their way through the gate, Rick nodded to Rosita, who was standing by the girl. She led the girl through and as they breached the gate, the girl continued forward by herself.

"I will hold you to our deal."

Rick nodded, watching the woman smirk at him as she turned away and walked into the forest line with the hulking giant. Rick quickly made his way down the ladder and to the men. 

He wanted to grab the man's face and press his forehead to his but the meandering residents of Hilltop made him hesitate. He fought it at first, resting his hands against his hips to keep them to himself instead. Then the man reached out, absently placing his hand on Rick's shoulder and running it down his arm. It was meant to calm him. Instead it broke the levy and all the tension and worry was crashing over Rick and he didn't care who saw. He cupped Negan's face, and at the bruise forming on the older man's cheekbone before he scanned each scratch and gash, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Just a little banged up." Negan rested his hands on the younger man's waist to steady himself. 

Rick's eyes lingered on Negan before cutting to Daryl. He wanted to scold him for dragging Negan out and not being careful. Instead he kept quiet, knowing it would only instigate a fight and he was too worked up to hold back, "Did you see their camp?"

"Yeah. There's about forty of them. Seems like it was just the one camp." Daryl nodded behind Rick, warning him that Maggie was rushing toward him. Rick turned to see her, tight lipped and scowling.

"You had no authority to agree to her terms. We don't know the area - we have no idea how big it is." She was sucking her cheek to keep her words at bay when she approached the men, her presence guiding Rick's hands away from Negan. She crossed her arms over her chest, braced for an argument.

"I wasn't going to risk their lives over territory we didn't even know existed. I did what needed to be done. It was the right call." 

"It wasn't your call to make, Rick." Her eyes burned through Rick before resting on Negan, unswayed by the way the man's shoulders slumped to say he didn't want a fight. Her gaze fell back to Rick, "I think you should leave Hilltop. Tomorrow."

"Maggie -" Daryl spoke softly, putting himself between the two. Maggie was having none of it, knocking him to the side with her shoulder and keeping her eye contact with Rick. 

"Tomorrow."

Rick felt the sharp edge her tone took, stabbing into his gut. He knew there was no moving past it; he had overstepped his bounds. "We'll leave in the morning."

* * *

"You didn't have to do that." Negan watched Rick pack away the last piece of clothing, the winter coat he had worn. 

"Save your life? A thanks would be appropriate." Rick glanced over his shoulder briefly before continuing his task, "We need to return to Alexandria anyway. The usual drop off is tomorrow. It works out."

"You should put a few people outside the gate in case something goes wrong." 

"That's not a bad idea." Rick turned to the other man, watching him pick up a few of the folded shirts on the bed, "That what you did during the pickups?"

"Plan for the worst, hope for the best." Negan handed the clothes to Rick, watching him put them away in the worn suitcase, "And thank you. For saving me. Again. Seems to be a habit."

Rick couldn't hide the small smile as he closed the dresser drawers, "What would have been the best?"

Negan grinned at the question, uncrosseing his arms and closing the door before making his way to stand by the bed, "You not having enough rations...provocatively asking for leniency and inviting me to your bedroom."

Rick picked up the oil from the top of the dresser and walked back to the bed, tucking it into a side pocket, "Guess you shoulda made the offer."

"Nah, see I know you. If I had brought it up as an option, you would have given me one of those intense glares and ignored me."

"Yeah. You're right." A hint of laughter coaxed Rick's words. Negan licked his split lip, hoping the man would make a move. Instead, Rick nodded toward the door to break the tension "Help me pack Judith up and start loading things up? She wants to take the chicken."

"Probably best she doesn't, don't you think?" 

"They're not going to kill a little girl's chicken."

Negan raised his brow and set to packing. Sometimes he was reminded why he had underestimated Rick in the first place.

* * *

"You ok?" Daryl looked over at Aaron as he closed the gate. Aaron nodded as he leaned against the wall, looking up at the stars fading into the morning sky. Daryl had seen the tremor in his fingers and noticed how he had been walking around like a ghost.

Moments passed and Aaron cleared his throat, "What do you do out there by yourself?"

"Hunt." The word was blunt as Daryl chuckled to himself, wondering what else the man thought he could be doing alone in the woods. 

"I'd like to scout again - find people who need help and bring them back. Hilltop's too small." Aaron looked out into the empty field. He hid it under the guise of being a good man, but he needed a distraction, "If things go well tomorrow, I'm going to stay in Alexandria. What about you?"

"I'll have to stick around and keep you safe from those skinheads," Daryl jostled Aaron's shoulder before opening the gate, "C'mon. They'll be packing up."

The town was quiet as they passed through. They found Negan loading a crate of rations on the trailer that was pulled by the front porch. Daryl glared at him as he passed. Aaron's eyes lingered on the man and he caught the grin Negan kept to himself, amused at the way Daryl didn't hide his hatred. 

Aaron nodded at the older man, swallowing the awkwardness that was only evident to himself. He hadn't uttered a word to either Negan or Rick since seeing them in the upstairs bedroom several days ago.

"What's Rick gonna do with you tomorrow?" Daryl paused at the door, interested in the answer. 

"That's a loaded question." Negan beamed to push down the anxiety in his stomach. He didn't particularly trust that everything would go smoothly once the people saw the leader that had abandoned them.

"I'm serious. You're a complication - all those people wanted you dead. You'll rile them up more."

"That's why he'll be in the woods with us," Tara interrupted as she brought another crate from the house, "We'll be nearby incase anyone does anything stupid. You too."

Daryl looked at the woman in disbelief as Negan bumped into him with his shoulder, his face a mocking image of surprise. He saw Rick appear in the doorway and noticed the brief grin as Negan touched his hip when he passed. He also noticed how that grin completely disappeared from Rick's face when he saw him, "Why didn't you tell me we'd split up?"

Rick hesitated, knowing Daryl wouldn't like the answer no matter how reasonable it was, "Negan suggested it while you were on watch. Look...It's not a bad idea."

"Unless he's planning to take us out on the hill," Daryl's irritation grew as he watched Rick tune him out, "Then let the rest of us be killed if there is an issue. You need to start thinkin' with the head on your shoulders." Daryl scoffed as Rick brushed past him to load the wagon. 

"What am I gonna 'take you out' with, Daryl? A pinecone?" Negan called from the porch, his arms crossed and teeth flashing as he smiled at the man's irritation. 

Rick looked back at Negan with tired eyes to silently scold him. He turned to Daryl, unwilling to entertain either man any longer, "If you don't like it, stay here. It's not up for discussion." 

Daryl held his breath and shook his head as Rick walk back to the porch where Negan was waiting for him. He watched the older man snake his arm around Rick's waist and look over his shoulder to wink at Daryl before laughing to himself, "Man, his stink eye gives yours a run for its money." 

* * *

When Aaron fell into silence steering the horses, Negan moved closer to Rick. He placed his hand on Rick's knee and slid it up his thigh. He had meant it as a silent display of affection and not sexual. It was hard for him to keep from touching the other man. Rick looked at him with half lidded eyes, tired and overthinking things. Rick's mind was wandering over every possible outcome and getting stuck on two: death or betrayal. He didn't know how to address either scenario. He inhaled and held it, knowing Negan could read how uncomfortable he was with the conversation, "What happened out there?"

"Well...your boy drug my ass out the gate before it was even daylight. A few miles out, we thought we'd been surrounded by a herd but then we noticed the knives. They tied us up and asked about Hilltop - how many people, who ran it, basic intel. Daryl just gave that piss eye he's so good at. When they'd had enough of it and were gonna skin him, I mentioned the girl. She's important to the leader. As soon as she knew she was alive, she marched us to the gate."

"Why did you stop them?"

"Because you care about him - even if you shouldn't after that shit with the bridge and his attitude now."

Rick smiled at him, squeezing Negan's knee in a silent 'thank you', "If we have any more trouble...What you suggested before - it wasn't a bad idea. A little premature, but...I need you to come back."

Negan noticed Aaron shift at the front of the wagon. He leaned in close, breath on Rick's neck, "Are you really worried about that? 'Course I'll come back."

"I can give you an incentive, in case you get...distracted," Rick felt his stomach tighten when Negan didn't respond. Negan wasn't sure if Rick was implying sexual favors or a place outside of his old cell. He didn't want to assume anything and waited for the information to come. Rick kept his eyes locked with Negan's, studying his reaction, "A place on the council." 

Negan blinked a few times, surprised at the promotion, "That's a little sudden- I thought maybe we'd shack up first…"

"If these people are a threat and you do this...it will be earned. The others will be more accepting of you having a solid place in Alexandria." 

"And if they're not a threat? Where do I stand in your society?" He could see the cogs turning in Rick's mind; he hadn't thought of that possibility. In his mind this other group was already the enemy and for that Negan was thankful; it was a glimpse of hope that the naivety he had seen in Rick with regard to his people had quelled.

"We'll come up with another way. I want you on the council, officially. Until then, you'll still be my private counsel and you could teach - if you want." Rick knew how important hierarchy was to Negan. He rested his hand over the other man's. Negan's thumb brushed against his and he could tell the man was satisfied.

"Just give me a place to lie my head other than that cell."

"Do you really think I'd throw you back in a cell?" Rick watched the man look down, tracing something invisible on his leg. Rick swallowed. He was seeing insecurity in the man for the first time, "The houses have been full. If there are any empty when we return, you're welcome to it...But, I'd like for you to stay with me and Judith."

"You're all the incentive I need."

A genuine smile graced Rick's face and Negan silently cursed himself for how things had been. He wished he hadn't wasted so much time consumed by his ego when he could have been basking in the glory of that smile. 


	16. Chapter 16

As they approached Alexandria, Aaron halted the horses. Rick slid his belt back through the buckle and adjusted his jeans. The sun was just rising in the distance, providing just enough light so they no longer needed the lanterns. Most of their group was still asleep. He stood and looked at the other wagon. Leslie was steering it and stopped it at his command as Aaron did the same. Rick leaned back, "You can stay here with Gracie. You should rest. You've been driving all night."

"I'm fine. I wanna make sure it's safe for her. I need to."

Rick nodded, understanding. The cease in motion roused a few of the riders. As Negan stirred from a brief sleep, Rick leaned over him.

"We're almost there. Daryl will be out there with you. He's our best shot if somethin' goes wrong. He can't be distracted. Don't argue with him - even if he instigates somethin'. Just stay neutral."

"Alright."

"Alright?" Rick had meant to keep the question in his head but the outrageous compliance took him completely off guard, "Just like that?"

"Mmhm," Rick watched Negan's lips part in a smile, biting his lip before he pressed his mouth against his. Rick brought his hand up and felt the salt and pepper stubble along the other man's jawline as he explored Negan's mouth with his tongue. He made himself pull away, knowing the others were waking. Negan caught his hand when he turned, keeping him for another brief moment, "I'll do whatever it is you need - just come back to me, Sheriff."

Rick smiled softly and shook his head. He jumped down from the wagon and walked to the one behind them. He climbed on the front of the wagon to wake Michonne and Judith.

Michonne was lying beside Judith, already awake. She was stroking hair from Judith's face as she slept. Rick smiled at her when she heard him, looking in his direction. Michonne nudged the girl's shoulder so Rick could say goodbye. The girl's long eyelashes fluttered open and she looked at her father through the haze of sleep.

"You're going to stay here with mom, ok?" Judith nodded, barely awake. He pulled her close to him, kissing her hair, "Listen to your mom. I love you."

The girl nodded and hugged him back. Rick looked over to see Aaron saying his farewell to Gracie. As the man started back to their wagon, he joined him. They started moving and he watched as the one with the others disappeared in the distance. 

As they approached the gates to Alexandria, he felt himself disassociating out of instinct, a tactic he had learned in order to keep anxiety and anger at bay. It was only him and Aaron entering the township; The others had split ways before the gate, climbing from the wagon and fanning out between the walls and the hill.

As they entered Alexandria, Rick looked around at his former neighbors; their cheeks hollow and resembling walkers. The winter hadn't been kind to them. It was clear some had been hoarding rations while others received next to nothing. He clenched his fists when he saw a few bony kids come from the houses, too scared to leave the stoops.

Joshua's father, well fed and arrogant as ever, stepped forward, "Well look who decided to show back up."

"I'll be returning to Alexandria." Rick stepped down from the wagon and turned from the man toward what remained of Alexandria's citizens.

"Things have been fine without you." Keller interrupted, smiling at Rick as he turned around, "Let's have a vote. Who all wants Rick back?"

Rick watched as the crowd nervously looked among one another, no one raising a hand or speaking up. He could tell the parents were terrified.

"Looks like you lost the election."

"And you've lost a week's worth of rations." 

"Fuck you, you sorry-" The man spat toward Rick's face but Rick didn't budge, firmly planted on the cracked pavement. This was his home.

"Two weeks." Rick spoke but he heard Negan's voice in his head, "This is happening, if you agree to it or not."

Negan stood on the supply crates he and Daryl had stacked against the wall. He looked through the binoculars, shaking his head. He could see the hollow eyes of one of the women, seeing only one of the three children he had seen her with on days he watched from his cell. A considerable amount of people were missing. He looked at Rick who, from his expression, was realizing the same thing.

"Get down and keep your eyes on the hill. We don't need them seeing us."

Negan was reluctant to take his eyes off Rick but he did so, remembering the man's command on the wagon. His stomach was tight and he felt nausea setting in. That useless fuck could kill Rick and he would be powerless to stop it. Rick who had survived until now, won the war against him, could be done in by some piece of trash.

Daryl watched Negan sit with his back against the wall, closing his eyes while he held his stomach. He noticed how pale the man was and he felt a sickening speck of empathy for him, "He's gonna be ok."

Negan glanced up at him, holding eye contact with the man while he tried to ease the pain creeping up to his chest. He wanted to snap and tell him how useless he felt; how he had saved Daryl from those skin head's and he could at least trust him with a crowbar. Instead, he nodded. 

* * *

As Rick looked out among the people, one of the women locked eyes with him. She was shaking her head, silently pleading with him.

"Where is everyone?" Rick placed his hands on his hips, one hand secure on his pistol as he turned back to Keller.

"We sent a few hunting parties into the woods and they never came back."

"You sent kids to hunt?" Rick looked at Keller, stepping toward him in an act of intimidation. Keller stepped back. "We don't have time for this. What have you been doing here?"

"I told you. Our hunting parties have gone missing."

Rick kept his eyes on the man, not believing him but knowing it was pointless to keep questioning the same thing, "Have you found anything suspicious - knives, masks?"

Keller shook his head, "If you're done here, we'll take the crates and you can run back to your boyfriend."

"What?"

"You heard me. We all knew you were a sniveling little faggot when you gave him all of our supplies. We know that's why you kept him alive. Your boy would be ashamed - it's a good thing he died before he found out his daddy sucks-"

Rick felt his knuckles stinging when he came back to his senses. He was on top of the man, his fists bloody and the man's face a pulpy mess. He heard the gates opening as something sharp pressed against his neck. 

"Get off my husband!" The woman shrieked. Rick slowly raised his arms and stood up. Something pierced the air and landed by the woman's feet.

"Drop the knife. I don't miss," Daryl called from the wall, crossbow trained on the woman. Rick nodded at the other man, thankful for his presence.

Negan stood near the gates, feeling powerless. He wasn't a fan of very many of the feelings he had been exposed to as of late. He had no weapon and his presence was no longer imposing. He looked around for something to use as a weapon and felt his stomach tighten when he realized there was nothing.

He wanted a piece of rebar, a shovel, a crowbar, anything. He wanted to march up to the woman holding a knife to Rick's throat and knock her teeth out before he bludgeoned her husband. Instead, he watched, powerless as his anxiety continued to rise.

Rick kept his eyes on the woman, always looking back at her as he surveyed the crowd, "The fields are ready for tending. The windmill can be finished within a few weeks and be put to use. I want to help you all. You can all still thrive here with a little direction. It's not too late."

The majority of the crowd nodded, bringing relief to Rick. He looked over at the gates, catching a glimpse of Negan and how he stood like a marionette with no guide; his weight shifting nervously from one leg to the other as his long eyes folded over his chest and his right hand tapped his forearm. Tara and Rosita were returning through the gate, guns on display but relaxed. Rick nodded to Daryl as he passed him, "Throw him and his wife in a cell. If anyone else has an issue, throw them in too. I need this place safe when I come back with Michonne and Judith."

"Got it." Daryl motioned to the others, pausing when Rick touched his arm.

"Thank you."

"Thank him. It was his idea," Daryl nodded to Negan who was still standing by the gates. 

"Still, thank you. If you hadn't done what you did things could have gone differently."

Daryl looked the man over before nodding again, this time not dismissive but to truly relay he heard him. He went about setting Rick's commands in motion. Rick made his way to Negan.

"You were King Shit back there," Negan pulled his arms tighter against himself, still reeling from the anxiety that hadn't faded. He tried to talk himself out of it, "Very Officer Friendly. Just needed the uniform and a fucking notepad."

"That turn you on?" Rick laughed, surprising Negan with his bluntness.

"Authority? No. The thought of _ you _ in a police uniform being authoritative? Yes, fucking sir! Maybe we can make a little detour to the Sheriff's Office and find you a new uniform...maybe some handcuffs, hm?" Negan grinned as Rick looked away, changing the subject.

"Do you think he was telling the truth about the kids missing?"

Negan shook his head, not wanting to think of what could have happened to the kids. He kept thinking of how he had been close to becoming a human shish kabob. Hilltop had been sending rations consistently so there should be no need to resort to cannibalism.

Rick pressed his lips together, the same dreaded thoughts creeping in.

"Since all this happened, I have seen the worst in people. Some of the things - the people we came across…" Thoughts of Shane, the Governor, Terminus flashed through his head. He thought of the kids. He thought of those big stock pots in Terminus. "As an officer, I thought I had an idea of how terrible people could be, but people still find a way to disappoint. Before we made our way here, we ran into a place back in Georgia..."

Rick wasn't much of a talker, postcoital or otherwise, so when he spoke, Negan listened. He watched the man shift uncomfortably on his feet.

"I've seen people change, become as bad as the things that have affected them. I don't wanna be like that. We need to take Alexandria back with as little casualties as possible."

"These people love you. Reassure them things are looking up and they'll follow you." 

Rick nodded, pressing his hand to Negan's shoulder in appreciation. In the distance he saw Leslie limping through the gate. Daryl, Aaron, and the others from the Hill were gathering around her.

"Rick! That group - they attacked the other wagon. They took Judith."

Negan watched Rick's face change from solemn reflection to panic. He saw the man's nerves coming undone. Rick started toward the gate. Negan pressed his hand onto his chest but Rick shoved past him. Daryl stepped in front of the man and Negan grabbed his arm.

"You run out there now, they'll kill you."

Rick struggled against Negan, ignoring Daryl's words.

"Listen to Daryl. They know you're the leader. They know we're vulnerable here."

"I can't just leave her out there with them."

"She's not alone. Miconne wouldn't let anything happen to her or Gracie." Negan felt the man relax and he was thankful, his arms growing tired from the previous weeks in the field and now restraining the younger man. He looked at Daryl, feeling the other man's eyes on him, "I'll go. I was the one who told her about the girl. They'll trust me more than any of you."

"No, I should go. She's my daughter."

"Rick, listen to him. He's right," The words tasted bitter leaving Daryl's mouth, "We'll make it look like we're sending a party out to look for him so they're not suspicious of him."

"I'll go with him." Aaron was loading a gun and ready to make his way through the gate.

"No, just Negan." Daryl shook his head, overwhelmed by the paternal blindness taking over Rick and Aaron, "They'll be watching. We wait til tonight and send a party out and make sure they can hear, then Negan can find them. "

"What if they bring them - to barter for more territory like with Hilltop?" Tara asked.

"We agree. We agree until we can find them and kill them all."

Negan saw the ruthlessness in Rick's eyes and though he would have been turned on by it before, he felt worry set in that it was there to stay, dissolving some of the compassion and softness he had left.

* * *

Negan sat the bag on the bed, watching Rick through the doorway to the master bathroom. He walked behind him, and though Rick saw him in the mirror, he didn't turn around. He finished shaving, regarding Negan's reflection in the mirror, "I'm tired of taking the moral high road and getting nowhere."

"You can pretend it's a choice, but I know it's not. You're a good man. I'll take care of this. I'll make sure you have your girl back."

"We don't have much ammo but I'll give you what we have. You can take my hunting knife too...Your bat too. It's here."

Negan could see how tense Rick's muscles were and how close he was to coming undone. He was a raw nerve. He wrapped his arms around Rick's waist and pressed a kiss to his jawline. He felt Rick relax against him, "It's gonna be ok. I swear. But you have to relax. Who's gonna take care of you while I'm gone, hm?"

Rick looked in the mirror, seeing Negan enveloping him. He didn't tense up or feel ashamed. He felt safe. It felt good.

"Just bring her back....and msure you come back to me too."

Negan nodded, reaching to caress Rick's cheek before he pulled away. He picked up the bag and slipped it over his shoulder. They kissed one last time before he went on his way.

As he slipped out the front door, he already missed the feeling if the other man's body pressed against him. When he climbed over the gate, leaving the warm glow of amber lamps lighting the streets of Alexandria, the world was covered in silver moonlight and dark shadows. He saw a figure in the treelines and felt anxiety pool in the bottom of his stomach. A heavy sigh spilled from his chest upon recognizing Lydia.

* * *

Night gave way to early day as the sky split in two, warm pink light spilling from the horizon. Negan had no idea where they were and everything looked the same the further they dove in the overgrown forest.

"Kid, if you're lying to me -"

"The camp is here. Look." Lydia pushed through the thick brush and Negan followed, spotting the makeshift campsite and at least fifty people who were walking away from them. He scanned the crowd and recognized some of the children from Alexandria. He felt a wave of relief wash over him. They were all moving as a group.

"Where are they going?"

Lydia shook her head, "They're going to punish someone"

They followed the others to the grove of uprooted and decaying trees.

"Strip."

The word changed the atmosphere of the group. Negan's brows knit together as he looked around at the others who had formed a circle. A woman stepped into the center and the leader removed the woman's mask, uncovering long black hair and sharp cheekbones. She was young, barely an adult. She looked through the others and into the forest, mentally distancing herself from what was to come. 

Negan felt his stomach bottom out. As he stepped forward, Lydia grabbed his arm, her voice barely audible, "Don't. You can't stop it. They'll kill you."

Negan's chest heaved as his breathing sped up, hands curling into fists at his side.

"You said the entire party was killed," Alpha circled the young girl, "You know the price for lying to me."

Despite her attempt at detachment, the girl sobbed when the beast of a man stepped forward. He couldn't just stand there.

"Hello again!" He called out, keeping his eyes locked on the giant, brandishing his knife along with a few others, "I don't think we got around to introductions before. I'm Negan."

"Did your lover send you? How careless of him," The crowd parted as the woman stepped made her way toward Negan. He smiled at how observant she had been.

"My lover?" 

"I saw how he kept his eyes on you. How he flinched when I pressed my blade to your neck." She looked over her shoulder at the men, "Take Delta back to the stream. Do with her as you want." 

When she looked back at him, she stepped forward, her movements inhuman and unsettling.

"He's not my lover," Negan mocked a laugh as if it were a ridiculous suggestion, trying to keep his mind off what was going to happen to the woman, "He may be a little fond of me but I can assure you, it's not mutual."

"Enough with his lies. He's here for the girl." The giant stalked toward him, halting when the woman extended her arm in front of him. The man did as silently commanded but was obviously not placated.

"What girl?" The man stood sentry under Negan's gaze and no one else spoke up, "I thought you could use an inside man to take them down. Set an example for your people that may want to abandon you, that _ that _...that isn't sustainable. That is why I came. He's busy reclaiming a territory and didn't notice me slipping away."

"Why would you betray them?"

"We didn't start out on the best terms. If you've been around, you probably noticed a lot of fighting a few years ago. That was our us."

"So you lost. And became his concubine." The tall man sneered, his immediate dislike apparent. Negan smiled, ignoring the comment as he turned to the woman.

"Your man here, he's not wrong. Most of those people hate me. His affection for me is only because he loves making an example outta me." He licked his lips and caught his tongue between his teeth, watching how the woman sized him up. She was discrete but he saw it, "And I am more than happy to give you a demonstration of my love for the ladies."

"Take off your clothes."

Negan froze, raising his brow, "Here? I thought maybe we'd...you know, find a private spot -"

"Now."

The giant stepped forward and Negan felt his blood run cold. He looked around at the crowd that had gathered. He saw the children intermixed in the group of nearly feral looking people, some donning their skin masks and others were not. 

He saw Michonne glaring at him, tied, bruised and caked in dirt. He focused on her and the burning hatred in her eyes as he quickly removed his clothes like tearing off a bandaid, wanting it over with. The leader motioned for a small, feral looking redhead to search his clothes. He sighed in relief. It was just a strip search. Finding no weapon the girl shook her head and left the clothes on the ground.

"You may dress." The woman didn't take her eyes off him. As he pulled his pants up, he winked at her.

"You fucking traitor! After he forgave you and defended you, you would join these assholes?"

Negan looked at Michonne, watching her thrash against the people trying to hold her still. He wasn't sure if she was playing into his act or believed it 

"Don't worry about her. We have so much to discuss." The woman walked in front of him, tilting her head to direct him into the forest. They walked until the sound of Michonne's fury could no longer be heard through the trees. 

"You never told me your name."

"You will call me Alpha."

Negan stopped when the woman pressed her hand to his chest, "The big guy said you have a girl? His daughter was in the wagon with the woman back there."

"Perhaps you could take them both back. I grow tired of the woman's...tenacity. Tell her you just came to get the girl. Act as an informant. He won't suspect anything if you save his daughter. You can plant little seeds of chaos for me to tear them apart."


End file.
